Punctuality is a virtue, George

Everyone, drop what you're doing and welcome our President to the "Can We Please Do Something About Mugabe?" Party. President Bush issued a statement -- likely dictated from the Camp David lawn chair with the double cup holders -- ordering secretaries of state and treasury to develop sanctions against the government of Zimbabwe. The statement, which also called for an international arms embargo, was levied in response to President Robert Mugabe's unique take on the "Vote or Die" ethos and comes in the wake of similar declarations by, well, anyone who has been paying attention and not selling firearms to Mugabe.

I'll set aside the irony of George W. Bush denouncing a conspicuously illegitimate election. I'll also applaud his equally timely upcoming condemnations of the Spanish Inquisition, Germany's invasion of Poland, the Armenian Genocide, and overcooked ribeye.

For the time being, it's best we all focus on discerning just how loudly China laughs when the world's largest weapons dealer goes to the UN asking for an international arms embargo. I bet the Mandarin characters for "not fucking likely" are beautiful.