Monday, June 30, 2008

Oil is a lubricant

Have you wondered just how much longer the Middle East and oil companies could bend you over a barrel, banging away at your tender nether regions in a gruff and unkind manner? Shouldn't they be getting tired from all the fucking? Shouldn't they be pulling out, throwing some loose change on the ground, and letting us go on our way?

Apparently not. We seem to have, crucially, screwed up the way we were supposed to receive our rough violation. There's been too much cheek clenching and crying. We need more practice and they're willing and able to give it to us.

The $140-$170 barrel that OPEC predicts, isn't even the worst case scenario. $7 dollar a gallon gas could be in our near future and the current national debate is over how much drilling we need to do here. Just offshore or is there some way we can extract essential oil from the elderly by building some sort of crude human derrick? Alternative fuels and public transportation infrastructure are the patchouli stinking dreams of the unserious. Frankly, I have low hopes. In ten years we're still going to be bitching about public transportation, alternative fuels, and gas prices because some Texas backbencher didn't think any of the plans gave enough incentives to Exxon or Mitch McConnell wanted to stall in an attempt to make midterm "democrats aren't solving problems" election gains.

Either that or we're just a few months away from living out Mad Max. I know which one I'm hoping for. Critically, this is a Mad Max scenario without the whimsy, mirth, and gyrocopters of said trilogy.

Fuck your fellow man, it's garroting and shanking time. See you on the killing fields. I'll be in the armored These Bastards SUV, ramming the school bus you filled with women, children, and precious gasoline.

Photo by Flickr user bryanburke used under a Creative Commons license

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