Our Betters: The Vice-President hosts an international gathering

EXT. BLAIR HOUSE


Secretary Clinton: Mr. President, while I appreciate the steps you’ve taken to neutralize his involvement in the Nuclear Security Summit, I’m still a tad wary of what you’re allowing him to do this afternoon.


President Obama: I understand your concern, Madam Secretary, but think of how it would look if we didn’t have one of the Unites States' most experienced foreign policy hands involved in these meetings? Rahm here has assembled a list of low-risk dignitaries to distract Joe while we handle the big dogs. Everything looking OK with Joe, Rahm?


Rahm Emanuel: I’m not vouching for a goddamn thing that man does. He requisitioned a large grill, copious amounts of charcoal and lighter fluid, and a meat slicer. I saw the carnage coming from a mile off and that’s why I’m over here with you. That shit is Axelrod’s problem now.


Obama: I wonder if David is familiar with White House fire drill protocols…


EXT. NAVAL OBSERVATORY


Senior Adviser David Axelrod: Mr. Vice-President, thing are all set for your Summit Luncheon. We’ve built the fire pit, gathered the assortment of various rare and endangered meats you requested for grilling, and have built the sandwich station so that you can make everyone your signature... (sighs)... Bidenwich.


Vice-President Biden: Twelve kinds of deli meat, Davey-boy! Whiz wit! Plus lettuce, tomato, onion and my signature Biden sauce. Two of the ingredients are dijon mustard and miracle whip. If you want to know the rest, you'd better have some sharp knives and the will to use them! I’m thinking the occasion calls for some sort of extra spicy nuclear hot sauce, you know, to get people thinking about the dangers of proliferation.


Axelrod: Whatever. For now, we need to move to the photo-op area so the press can get some film of you greeting the dignitaries as they enter your Summit Luncheon and--


Biden: Feast of a Thousand Meats and Beer Blast!


Axelrod: (clears throat) Yes, your Summit Feast of a Thousand Meats and Beer Blast. Just shake their hands, pause for a few seconds, and let them move on.


Biden: Pressin’ the flesh, meetin’ the people. This is literally what I was made for.


Axelrod: Fine fine. You did memorize their names, right? Remember last weekend, with the flash cards...


Biden: Forgot them the second you left. No problem, I’ll just wing it.


Axelrod: In hindsight I realize this is exactly what I should have expected. Christ, here’s the first one now.


Biden: Hey pal! How the fuck ya doin’?


Chilean Foreign Minister Alfredo Moreno: Uh… not bad. Let me say how humbled I am to be included in this important world summit.


Biden: Fantastic! Look... you… guy. We’re just tickled that you could make it. You and whatever country it is you represent are critical to doing whatever it is we’re trying to do with nuclear weapons. So come on in, man. Kick up your feet, we got brews on ice. Dos Equis! Eh, eh! Just get your drink on and I’ll be back in a few to grill up some ostrich burgers. You ever eat ostrich?


Moreno: Can’t say that I have…


Biden: Damn, I thought you were from an ostrich country. Fuck it, just chill out, relax, chillax. We got lawn darts, bocce ball, the whole nine!

Biden: This guy! This... this is the guy right here!


Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboulgheit: My great thanks for extending an invitation to my nation.


Biden: No problemo, my man! How could we do this without... you!? You’re the guy, man! I'm guessing you're a big grilled-meat-on-a-stick person?


Aboulgheit: Sometimes. It is a popular dish in my country.


Biden: Fuckin’ nailed it! Scamper on back to the grilling area. I think you’ll find it’s a goddamn Turkish delight back there. Big hunks of rare meats on claymores roasting over a fire the size of the Lincoln Memorial.

Biden: NAJIB! You old pig-fucker! Bring it in!


Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak: Joe-Joe Dancer, you ornery son of a motherless goat! How have you been? I haven’t seen you since…


Both: The 1994 UN Summit in Kuala Lumpur!


Biden: Hell of a goddamn night! I remember waking up shoeless in a ditch on the side of the road with Boutros Boutros-Ghali puking into a hyacinth right next to me. I tried to call you to come pick us up, but…


Razak: I was passed out in the Imperial Garden of the Seri Paduka Baginda Yang di-Pertuan Agong! Without any pants!


Biden: HAW HAW HAW! I still don’t remember most of that week! Shit, get your ass back to the grill pit. We'll get shitfaced and play Pai Gow… if you can keep your dong in your pants!


Razak: You know how I get when I drink in the sun! No promises, you son of bitch.

Biden: President Jintao, what an honor it is to meet you again.


Vietnamese Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dung: You must be mistaken; I am the Prime Minister of Vietnam.


Biden: My mistake... Hey, Charlie don’t surf! Glad you were able to get past that whole "us turning your country into a charred crater" thing behind you and join us at a nuke summit.


Dung: Well thank you, we take the issue very--


Biden: Hey, you know what rhymes with nuke? Goo--


Axelrod: Mr. Prime Minister! Right this way, please. The luncheon is out back.


Biden: See you at the cookout, Dung. Hell of a last name. Hilarious.

Biden: ...President Jintao?


Indonesian Vice President Boediono: …No. I must say the tales of your personality and demeanor hardly do you justice.


Biden: Phenomenal. Thanks for the kind words. I gotta say, I was a little worried about today. I‘ve just been in a funk recently. I thought I was raking it in. Cleared $300k+ this year. Then I go and find out Barry pulled in $5.5 mil last year. He’s literally half may age! It’s goddamn depressing. Good to hear that I’m masking it well.


Boediono: Well, as they say, money doesn’t make you truly happy.


Biden: They do? Huh. Wisdom of Confucius I guess. Lemmee tell you what I’m gonna do special for you. Your Bidenwich is going to have the salami sliced extra thin! Just for you.

Biden: ...All... right... yeah... shit, fuck it. Another one? You’re not Hu Jintao either, I’m guessing. What godforsaken country are you from?


Thai Deputy Prime Minister Trirong Suwankiri: I’m from Thailand.


Biden: What? Do you even have nukes?


Suwankiri: Not as such…


Biden: What are you doing here then? What could you possibly be doing for nuclear security?


Suwankiri: Well we consider it our duty to stop prolifer--


Biden: Thailand? Thailand? This is what I’m reduced to? Where’s Gordon Brown? Where’s Sarkozy and that hot piece of ass he walks around with? Thailand?


Axelrod: Please excuse the Vice-President, he’s under a great deal of stress. This way, sir.

Biden: Thailand? Can you believe this shit, buddy?


Saudi Intelligence Chief Prince Muqrin bin Abdulaziz Al Saud: I… uh… ooh… awkward. This is a most uncomfortable situation.


Biden: I’m Joe-fuckin'-Biden here. I’ve been on the Foreign Relations Committee since Lincoln was in short pants and the best I can do at a nuclear arms summit is a country whose chief export is transsexual whores? After the spread I set out? I bow hunted an elk myself…


Al Saud: I think I’ll just let myself out.

Biden: Now things are looking up! FROM MY HEAD DOWN TO MY SHOES! DAMN RIGHT, I AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ BUT THE BLUES! Yeah!


Nigerian Acting President Goodluck Jonathan: I’m not sure I get the reference…


Biden: FROM MY HEAD DOWN TO MY SHOES! I CAN’T WIN CUZ I GOT NOTHIN’ TO LOSE!! Buddy Guy! At my summit bash!


Jonathan: No, I’m the Nigerian President.


Biden: Fuck! Nothing is going right today. I assume that unless the world has turned to real shit, Nigeria doesn’t have nukes either?


Jonathan: No. But in an anecdote that I am sure you will find amusing, my first name is Goodluck.


Biden: Goodluck? HAW HAW that is hilarious! That isn’t a first name! Lemme guess, that’s just what people kept saying to you whenever you said you were Nigeria’s President? Outstanding. And your last name is a first name! HAW HAW HAW! I’m gonna tell Davesy to give you extra ‘fixins.


Jonathan: I thought you would be amused by such banalities.


(Jonathan walks off, leaving the VP alone in his thoughts)

Biden: They fobbed off all the losers on me. Me… Joe Biden...


Axelrod: Cheer up. It was probably because they knew you’d make them feel important, like they mattered, like there was a purpose in having Morocco at a nuclear summit. They knew you’d treat them like VIP’s.


Biden: That must be it. Hell, you know how to buck a man up, Axehandle. Hell, it’s not so bad. Got some beers, gonna be cookin’ up some food, gonna show the world the culinary masterpiece known as the Bidenwich! You’re right, it’s gonna be a hell of a day! Where’s Najib? We're gonna tie one on and crank call Harry Reid!


Axelrod: Mr. Vice-President, please put your shirt back on.

We will burn in nuclear fire

Today the United States and Russia signed a new nuclear arms reduction pact. It was a stirring ceremony where President Obama strode to the stage, took the irrepressibly tiny Dmitri Medvedev out of his right front pocket, set him on a toadstool, patted him on the head, and went and sat at his chair. Medvedev looked over to Vladimir Putin who flashed a thumbs up and released Medvedev's children from the secret location he was holding them, and the treaty was signed.

The treaty, if ratified, would require each country to deploy no more than 1,550 strategic warheads (down from 2,200), each would be limited to 800 total land, air and sea-based launchers (down from 1,600 permitted under the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty of 1991), and would re-implement a inspection regime and legal framework that had lapsed last December with the expiration of START. It's sensible, is a reduction in nuclear weapons, restores critical inspection measures, and gets us back on good diplomatic footing with Russia... so I'm sure this will come nowhere near getting the 67 votes needed to pass in the Senate.

Indeed, with this and the recent release of the Congressionally mandated Nuclear Posture Review, only one question remains: how has President Obama just insured our nuclear death with these reckless measures towards our precious, precious A-Bombs? Well as right wing pundits quickly informed us: by apparently ensuring that we would not retaliate if comrade Lenin rose from the grave and sent a first strike at the heartland.

Watch Fox News freak out:


Mmm, so reckless towards our safety and yet... so hot. The way her eyes bug out as she contemplates Obama sentencing us to an irradiated exploding death... she cares about our future.

Of course it's bullshit, as we still keep our first-strike strategy, actually reserves the right of retaliation, reserves the right of nuclear retaliation in non-nuclear attacks, and our bombs still give our generals a 10 on the atomic war boner scale.

But just so you're aware of the new panic: we're all going to die as Obama invites a nuclear strike and then fails to retaliate. Maybe he'll even launch our nukes at us, who knows? What's clear is that we have effectively surrendered to Russia. So practice huddling under your desk for protection and come up with a cool pose for when your shadow gets permanently etched onto some wall, because the liberals have killed us for certain this time. All on account of renewing a treaty and releasing a Congressionally mandated review. Who saw that coming?

Diplomacy is for adults

The dance of diplomacy is a complicated one in which there is much give and take in a relationship over a long term in order to produce a mutually beneficial result, usually centered around trade or us bombing a third party. On the other hand, with Venezuela, sometimes diplomacy is just a dance of childish mockery, petulance, and schoolyard antics. Chavez calls us some form of a devil, we call him a cheap despot, he tells us to stop using our earthquake machine on Haiti, we tell him that we regret ever showing him the earthquake machine, he claims we killed off all the bigfoots, and we mock the poverty and instability of his country.

Essentially he uses any opportunity to launch himself, Wile E. Coyote style from a large slingshot, into any situation dressed in full clown makeup. We in turn respond by mocking him and pointing out the poverty of his country and, if the mood suits us, by trying to overthrow him.

For instance take the recent state visit to Venezuela by Russian PM Vladimir Putin. While there to compare notes on what it's like to never have to leave power, Putin expressed support for Russia helping Venezuela achieve a particular goal of theirs. Namely launching Hugo Chavez, or perhaps some other Venezuelan, or perhaps space tourists into orbit. Because Hugo buys so many weapons from Russia, $4 billion worth at last count, not only is Russia going to help Hugo build nuclear plants, they're going to help Hugo set up a space launcher and factory. Why does Venezuela need a space program? Only the mind of Chavez knows. But America was quick to reply with a Chavez sized dose of international snark.

Phil Crowley, a spokesman for the US State Department said the two nations had the right to pursue relations with whichever nations they chose but he questioned the South American country's priorities.

"I think in the meeting there was some suggestion of space travel by Venezuela," he said.

"We would note that the government of Venezuela was largely closed this week due to energy shortages and to the extent that Venezuela is going to extend resources on behalf of its people, perhaps the focus should be more terrestrial than extraterrestrial."

After that, Crowly reportedly extended his hand, dropped the mic theatrically, and waved his hand in front of his face yelling "FACE!!!" while head of the Bureau of Western Hemisphere Affairs, Assistant Secretary of State Arturo A. Valenzuela, yelled "You just got dealt on, Hugo!"

As of yet, Venezuela has not yet responded to getting diplomatically sizzerved. But when Hugo gets out of the library after researching some epic conspiracy that was heretofore unknown that we caused/controlled/covered-up for our benefit/South America's detriment/so as not to reveal how weak we truly are, we'll bring you the details. I'm betting it has something to do with mer-people, Atlantis, and just when the CIA commissioned El Ultimo Tectonico Diablo.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.21

House Cuts Health Bill Price To $871 Billion
The House, otherwise known as the tolerable part of government, has moved towards extending a large middle finger to the Senate by crafting a bill that is not only $871 billion, but reduces the deficit, and includes a strong public option. Meanwhile 52 members of the Senate generally support the same exact thing, but debate is held up by 5 conservative democrats who aren't sure and a debate over whether to have a debate about the public option. Don't you just love those little scamps.

Admiral: I can empty Guantánamo camps in 10 days
For all the talk and feckless handwringing about how the Administration just doesn't know if it can close America's Shame in the time it said it could, the military wants everyone to be clear that it isn't the one sitting with its dick in its hand. All he needs are some planes, ferries, or even those boats they used to storm Normandy on D-Day. Hell he can empty Gitmo in 15 minutes provided he has enough ammunition. The point is, as always, that it's Washington fucking up again.

Man of Extremes: The Return of James Cameron
The New Yorker gives an extensive look at the upcoming film Avatar and its creator, an apparently pompus man-baby blowhard James Cameron. Marvel at the monkey and football fucking related zingers he hurls at the crew. Gawk gape mouthed at the discussion he has with digital effects powerhouse WETA where he gets into an intense discussion and praise over tooth translucence, light transmission in gill membranes, and quadrate bones. Listen to enough interminable bullshit about how the digital effects are so good, technology, and how you won't be able to tell which is the CG character and which is the human that you know this movie isn't going to be good. But the light transmission in the teeth of CG monsters will be exquisite.

Iran To Consider Draft Russia Nuclear Deal, Say Diplomats
Diplomacy suffers another brutal blow as Iranian negotiations show support for a plan that would have them send their enriched uranium to Russia for processing, delaying their nuclear bomb capabilities, and ensuring that they can only be used as fuel in a power station, which is what Iran has been claiming it's for anyway. Now how are we going to get our war? We called their bluff and are in the process of relenting and accepting a plan based on the proposals of International Atomic Energy Agency chief Mohamed ElBaradei. I'm sure we could have achieved all of this with a well placed missile strike.

Grandparents sued for keeping girl
It's times like these, when the economy is bad and the housing market is rough, that its heartwarming to see a community band together in the face of adversity. Shame that didn't happen here, where a neighborhood association is suing two grandparents for violating a rule which states that people have to be 55 to reside there, just because they decided to take care of their granddaughter after her drug addled mother disappeared. The grandparents can't sell the house because of the market, can't afford to move without the house selling because of the economy, and the lawsuit could result in the child being put in foster care. Yup, that was the sound of humanity hitting a new low.

Guh?

So, uh, President Obama just won the Nobel Peace Prize, becoming the third sitting President and first in 90 years to win the award. In a surprise to everyone, Barry won the award without having that "peace" requirement that everyone else usually has on their Nobel resume. They're apparently grading on a curve.

The committee praised Obama for his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples" during his nine months in office and singled out for special recognition Obama's call for a world free of nuclear weapons, which he first made in an April speech in Prague
...
In response to questions from reporters in Oslo, who noted that Obama so far has made little concrete progress in achieving his lofty agenda, committee chairman Thorbjoern Jagland said he hoped the prize would add momentum to Obama's efforts. At the same time, Jagland said, "We have not given the prize for what may happen in the future. We are awarding Obama for what he has done in the past year. And we are hoping this may contribute a little bit for what he is trying to do."

Jagland specifically cited Obama's speech about Islam in Cairo last spring, as well as efforts to address nuclear proliferation and climate change and use established international bodies such as the United Nations to pursue his goals. The committee -- made up of luminaries selected by the Norwegian government -- noted a profound shift in American policy and said Obama had "created a new climate in international politics. Multilateral diplomacy has regained a central position, with emphasis on the role that the United Nations and other international institutions can play."

I say again: Guh? That's strange, I've never seen a Nobel used to try to guilt someone into not escalating an armed conflict. Or someone say they hoped the award helped his future diplomatic endeavors, as if being President of the US isn't enough, he needs to be President of the US with a gold star on his lapel to be extra effective. Still though, Barry has tried very hard at outreach towards the Muslim world what with his speech there and all, made strides and agreements over nuclear non-proliferation, hosted a G20 event, has ratcheted back the inexplicable tensions the Bush Administration had with Russia by scrapping that missile defense, held that important "beer summit", seemed to make some progress with Iran, and has changed America's diplomatic posture from one of "intense pouting" to the arcane custom we refer to as "talking". Still....seems a bit light. Oh, I forgot he's not Bush. He is definitely not Bush. That's a plus. I guess it was just a down year for big diplomacy. It's sort of like when the Spurs won the NBA title during the 1998-99 lockout year.

Of course the same old critics came out to wail and moan at the award: the Taliban and the right wing of the GOP. Actually the fringe right's crazed disdain and sneering wasn't a surprise, but the Taliban kind of was. Who knew they had a lightning fast media office? So now we get to hear a few days worth of shrieking over diplomacy being gay and appeasement instead of interminable shrieking over death panels. At least it's a change from health care crazy to foreign policy crazy with a healthy dose of Euro-bashing.

So congrats, Barry. Excuse me; Nobel Prize winning Barry. Paul Krugman will show you the secret handshake. And hey, just think: if your Nobel acceptance speech is good enough and you take one of the diplomatic tracks you've started to the finish line, they'll give you a second one! Go back to back! Three-peat! Then you can rub that shit in the noses of assholes like Linus Pauling and the Office of the UN High Commission for Refugees.

Picture of the day

From Bill Clinton's hostage negotiations with a tiny husk of beef jerky in a tan onesie. Not only does he free two journalists but he fended off an attempt by Kim Jong-Il to take him hostage as well. Nice try Kim, but Bubba's too crafty for you North Koreans.

North Korea's catty bitchiness offensive

So Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is away in Thailand, meeting with world leaders at a conference for Southeast Asian nations. When asked about North Korea she gave the standard US answer about stopping their nuclear proliferation, getting them back to the negotiating table, and concerns that they were trading nuclear secrets with Myanmar/Burma. Instead of responding with a typical statement about US imperialism or a story about Kim Jong-Il bench pressing a Panzer tank, the North Korean delegation decided to respond with some catty, childish, bitchiness. Not just symbolically this time, I think they actually found a bitchy 13 year old school girl and had her write up a response.

The war of words between North Korea and the United States escalated Thursday, with North Korea's Foreign Ministry lashing out at Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton in unusually personal terms for "vulgar remarks" that it said demonstrated "she is by no means intelligent."
...
"We cannot but regard Mrs. Clinton as a funny lady as she likes to utter such rhetoric, unaware of the elementary etiquette in the international community," a Foreign Ministry spokesman said, according to North Korean media. "Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping."

Oooh, burn! Oh snap Hill-Dawg, how you gonna respond? You aren't going to take this lying down, are you? Luckily she totally went there and told everyone "[North Korea] have no friends left" and alluded to the fact that Kim Jong-Il is a tubby bitch who looks like an old lesbian. This stems from earlier comments she made where she compared North Korea to a small child or unruly teenager who wanted attention, and that he solution was "...don't give it to them, they don't deserve it, they are acting out." She then took off her pumps and threatened to "fuck up a bitch if I have to." This caused a representative from Indonesia to wag his finger in the air and say "Oh no you didn't!"

It's great the the most diplomatically childish nation on Earth always has the huevos to talk about international etiquette and the "offensive" uttering of rhetoric. I mean their response to this will probably be an official statement saying "don't call me a bitch, bitch", followed by the catapulting of a metal tube into the ocean and declaring it a missile launch, and then they'll irradiate some gophers with some uranium they strapped to dynamite and buried underground. I can imagine Kim Jong-Il riding down his waterslide, old lady sunglasses on, in the sitting position, arms crossed, and a sullen look on his face, angry that his country is in danger of losing an international dozens contest. But just in case you were wondering: yes Virginia, international relations with North Korea can get more childish. Wait until Kimbo starts up with a second round of pranks.

Diplomatic love connections

Libya's Qaddafi Gave Condi Rice $212,000 In Gifts

In its final months in office, the Bush administration made out pretty well in odd and exotic gifts from foreign leaders - including diamond jewelery, a taxidermied lion, and Israeli bike shorts.

One of the most generous gift-givers was Libya's Moamar Qaddafi, who seemed particularly grateful for former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's visit to Tripoli last year, giving her gifts with a total value of $212,225, including a diamond ring and a locket with his own picture inside, according to a newly-released State Department report.

Oh my, seems like international diplomacy is a little sexier than I originally thought. Diamond lockets with Qaddafi's picture inside, bike shorts, free dead lions, mountain bikes, saddles.....it's all so sordid. In return for the gift the US Government reportedly sent Qaddafi a chain with a diamond encrusted characture of the head of Condi, not unlike the kind Rick Ross (the boss) sports. In return for getting the bike short from Ehud Olmert, Bush strutted around the Oval Office in them, picking up briefing documents that has been "accidentally" dropped and generally just acting sexy for Ehud. Hey, that Roadmap to Peace doesn't come without the traveling of some hard miles.

In many cases the reason given for the acceptance of these gifts was "Non-acceptance would cause embarrassment to donor and U.S. Government", but in some cases the reason was "Can you believe how cool this shit is? There's no way I'm letting those eggheads at the Smithsonian get their grubby nerd mitts on this." I should have gotten into this diplomatic racket, I could use cooler stuff. But I thought you should know this just so you're not surprised when Condi and Muammar get married in Tripoli next summer. I wonder what gifts they'll get from foreign governments then.

Everthing is fixed

I was worried there for a second about our diplomatic relations with Iran. Turns out I was worrying about nothing. Seems we're cool enough that not only did we invite Iran to our swanky State Department 4th of July BBQ, but Iran accepted and will be bringing cole slaw. Everything's fixed.

Having sent the Iranian people a video greeting on their New Year, President Obama is now inviting them to help celebrate a quintessentially American holiday, the Fourth of July.

Last Friday, the State Department sent a cable to its embassies and consulates around the world notifying them that “they may invite representatives from the government of Iran” to their Independence Day celebrations — annual receptions that typically feature hot dogs, red-white-and-blue bunting and some perfunctory remarks about the founding fathers.

This ought to really help. I see something like...the Iranian representative taking a bite into a hot dog (with all the fixins) when the Israeli rep sneaks up and says "You know those are Kosher", before they both share a laugh. Then the Iranian rep playfully drives the Israeli rep into the sea salt flavored kettle chips, then they embrace. Then we join the embrace. Then the party runs out of beer, but it's OK because someones goes out to get more. Then peace.

Meanwhile North Korea watches from outside the gates, sheds a single tear, and then slowly walks away as music from Charlie Brown plays.

This is exactly what will happen.

Dick diplomacy

Gotta love Dick Cheney. The country reviles him, people think everything he says is a lie (including the ands and thes), and in a just society would be contemplating how he'll spend his free time in the prison yard. But he's still out there giving his morally reprehensible ideas on what Obama should to to have a foreign policy that was as successful as the Bush Administration's. His idea: diplomacy never works unless the other country thinks you're fucked up and crazy enough to start a war with them for no real reason.

Continuing his long advocacy for military strikes to halt Iran’s nuclear program, Cheney said at a dinner after the debate that the only way for President Obama’s diplomacy with Iran to work is if Obama also threatens to bomb the country:

The former Vice President characterized the Iranian goal in negotiations on ending that country’s nuclear program as mere stalling for time, and the Europeans as trying to “restrain the U.S.” from military action. “Everybody’s in a giant conspiracy to achieve a different objective than the one we want to achieve,” Cheney said. The negotiations are “bound to fail unless we are perceived as very credible” in threatening military action against Iran, he said.

That's right, America can no longer afford to be an even, rational, measured hand at the negotiating table. We have to be the coked up guy in the corner, shaking and yelling that he's gonna fuck everyone up if they don't get him some more blow. I mean it worked so well over the last eight years, I don't know why Obama wouldn't want to try it again. Besides the fact he doesn't have the ethics of a Cheney dog.

On another note, I'd like to thank Dick for holding on to the spotlight with every but of strength he can muster. If you weren't there constantly forcing your idiotic thoughts that no one asked to hear into the discussion, this country might start to forget what an unmitigated blight your tenure in office was. As it is they don't have to remember, because you're out there making the American people suppress their gag reflex. Thanks Mr. 20%, keep on being the face of the GOP.

Albright on North Korea

My Conversation with Madeleine Albright: Let's Talk to Iran Just Like We Are with North Korea

To be frank, however, the Bush administration could have had this deal many years ago had it picked up where the Clinton administration left off. When the Bush administration came into office, we thought that North Korea had enough plutonium to make one or two weapons; now the best estimates are that they have enough to make six to eight bombs, if not more. And, of course, they have openly tested a nuclear device.

So, while an important step forward -- I don't want to denigrate this deal at all -- from the U.S. standpoint we are nonetheless worse off than eight years ago.

Even when making a massive change in the way they do things and attempting to correct years of mistakes, the best this administration can do is get us to a point where we're objectively worse off diplomatically than if they just decided to do nothing at the start of the first term.

But more importantly, she more or less agrees with me. You? She doesn't even know your blog fucking exists.