Teen youths love Obama and the loud music

McCain as viewed by the youth of America

According to a Gallup/USA Today/MTV poll "the kids", as we call them, love Obama somethin' fierce. Nearly 2/3rds are planning to vote Obama, with the other third voting for McCain purely in an ironic manner. They view Obama 71% to 12% as understanding the "problems of people your age" and being a "strong and decisive leader," 46% to 36%. Furthermore the view Obama as more inspiring 67% to 18% and that he "shows good judgment" 54% to 29%. Even more surprising is that if the Senate gets a divorce, nearly 48% want to live with Obama with only 12% wanting to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas at McCain's.

On the positive front for Diamond J, more kids want to read his diary over Obama's, think Palin is way more unqualified than Biden to be President, and could totally fuck up their old man in a fight. Wait, that second one was bad.

So good news abounds for Barack. Because unlike every other election, the kids are for Democrats this time. Not only that, but they're really going to turn out in large numbers this time too, like the youth vote always does. So if I were the Obama campaign I'd totally place all of my electoral prospects on large youth turnout. What could go wrong? Wait, why is John Kerry raising his hand?

These Bastards PSA

If you aren't registered to vote (and if you aren't why are you reading a childish political blog) today is the last date to register in a lot of states. Check your state's last registration day over here. Luckily, Facebook is here to help us all. You can go register on their site. Make sure that on November 4th your vote is either counted 'accidentally' for Pat Buchanan or buried in a radioactive hole in Nevada as McCain is elected by a suspicious landslide.

Do it or we release the poison, bowel loosening gas and the nude McCain pictures.

WILLIAM AYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Five Thirty Eight, the current electoral map based on state polling. For those of you who can't tally them up in your head like me, it's 339.7 for Barack, 198.3 for Admiral Ape Rape. Of note is the fact that Indiana and North Carolina are in play, with Obama having a 49% and 54% chance to win in each state based on 538 methodology, respectively. Barack has a 70% shot in Florida, a 47% chance in Missourah, 69% in Ohio, 85% in Colorado, and a 0% chance in Oklahoma. It's just not gonna happen there. Polling also puts the Senate at about 56 Democrat seats, allowing for the awesomest "Fuck off" ever to Joe Lieberman.

So if you're wondering why McWalnuts went batshit this week, maybe his internal numbers look like these. Or maybe he has an inoperable brain tumor that's slowly driving him insane. Either/or. With the election tilting like it has with the economy spurting up blood, JMac 3000 might even lose his vaunted Oklahoma/Alabama firebreak. Just kidding, they'll never vote for a black guy. John will stagger away with a few states. Try not to point and laugh at him children, he's in a dangerous emotional state.

Horrific financial apocalypse still on schedule

World Markets Plunge On Crisis Fears

Asian and European stock markets plunged Monday as government bank bailouts in the U.S. and Europe failed to alleviate fears that the global financial crisis would depress world economic growth.

Investors took scant comfort from Washington's passage of a US$700 billion plan to buy bad assets from banks and other institutions to shore up the financial industry on Friday because of the uncertainty still hanging over the details of the deal and the degree to which it will help.

Britain's benchmark stock index, the FTSE 100, lost 220.11 to 4,760.14 _ a 4.42 percent fall. The declines were led by the banking industry, with the mining and oil industries also suffering drops. HBOS PLC's share price dropped 15.7 percent, while the Royal Bank of Scotland Group PLC fell 13.6 percent.

Germany's DAX index fell 4.22 percent to 5,552.27. France's CAC-40 index dropped 4.85 percent to 3,882.81. In Russia, the RTS stock index tumbled more than 7 percent in first 20 minutes of trading.

Right now the Dow is down 420 points after being down almost 600. The Dow is currently below 10,000 for the first time in four years. Garroting and shivving your fellow man for bread scraps in a burnt out dystopian nightmare is still a large possibility. Maybe we need to give away another $700 billion dollars. You know, just to give them all the confidence the last $700 billion did. Oh, I know, none of that money has been spent yet, but if the markets aren't going to respond with our attempt to choke a mule with fistfuls of taxpayer money isn't there some corner where we can go pitch a snit in while refusing to give them more money? A hardwood floor for loud feet stomping?

So the horrific financial apocalypse is steaming down the tracks. If you have money in the stock market, you will lose it. Almost a million people have lost their jobs this year and more will be on the way. In fact you're probably going to lose your job for dicking around on a poorly written blog. Don't worry, the financial markets might be shit but there's still the budding agrarian barter economy. Now since you probably worked in marketing or the financial field, you have no jobs skills for our hellish future. You are a prostitute now. 2 eggs for some hand action, 1 pound of bacon for an 'anything goes' session. It'll be rough, but you'll make it through with only minor psychological and emotional damage. And physical scarring, I forgot the horrible physical scarring.

But if you want a real solution, I got one from John McCain this morning. What you have to do is....LOOK! It's William Ayers and Jeremiah Wright! They're stealing Ronald McDonald's hamburgers! Robble robble robble. No time to focus on economics now, form up a posse.

Ready for the classy part of the election?

I hope you didn't think you were getting off easy. That the worst part of the election mudslinging was over and you could watch TV ads with dignity intact. No. God no, TB Buckaroos, it's just starting. Sarah Palin tipped the hand of the McCain campaign over the weekend, bringing up the William Ayers thing, calling Ayers and Obama best friends who totally hang out all the time, and that Obama basically hates the country and wants Ayers to explode every part of it with Wavy Gravy and Jerry Garcia. There was also a foray into Barack Obama wanting to bankrupt our troops and accusing soldiers of murdering civilians, but that's not really a new line of attack for McCain. The AP even referred to the attacks as "racially tinged". The McCain camp didn't even really get into the truly racially tinged stuff, that was for today when they decided to bring Jeremiah Wright back into the election. Good, because that wasn't hashed through to the point of irrelevance.

But that brings up a good chance to talk about Palin's church, what with it's seminars from pastors who stone witches for causing car accidents, convert gays, thinks the Iraq war is a messianic affair where the US can act out God's will, thinks Jews control the economy, and that Jews deserve to be victims of terrorism. So I hope they really wanted to wade into the Wasilla fever swamps, because I'm guessing those last two are going to make it into Florida ads.

Obama, for his part, kicked up a site called Keating Economics, in which he seeks to remind Americans that the last massive banking and mortgage crisis this country had was with John McCain at the center getting reprimanded for ethics charges. I'm assuming ads will be running about the site, but at noon there will be a 13 minute documentary for everyone to take a gander at. Obama also started running ads over the weekend in an attempt to salt the earth for McCain's attacks. He put out an ad saying that McCain was going to devolve into baseless attacks because he had nothing to say on the economy, for which there was another ad calling McCain erratic on the economy.

So I hope you are excited. Ads about ads that are coming. Boogidy boogidy boogidy BLACK MAN! Obama is planning covert terrorist attacks against the US in effete liberal elite chicagodaleypoliticscorruption circles. John McCain is going to steal your health care and Charles Keating will rape you with it. McCain is going to give you a free balloon and Obama is going to pop it. 29 days. 2 more debates. McCain is hemorrhaging ground in red states and is officially out of options. You aren't going to be able to wash the puke taste out of your mouth with 4 bottles of Listerine.

The debate for our times

Bailed out

House Approves Bailout on Second Try

The House of Representatives gave final approval on Friday to the $700 billion bailout for the financial system, reversing course to authorize what may be the most expensive government intervention in history.

The crucial vote was 263-171, passing by a comfortable bipartisan margin. Most Democrats voted in favor (172 yeas to 63 nays), while a slighter majority of Republicans voted against (91 yeas to 108 nays). Every member of the House voted. (There is one vacancy, created by recent death of Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Ohio.)

Critically this vote was able to pass without any feelings of House Republicans being hurt. Truly a big fat $700 billion victory for Freedomerica. Finally a beleaguered nation gets the wooden arrow and Puerto Rican rum relief it has been clamoring for. Rest easy, the rum crates are on their way.

Nation of trainwreck gawkers

Huge early ratings for Palin-Biden debate

Thursday's highly anticipated face-off between Alaska governor Sarah Palin and Delaware senator Joe Biden may be the most-watched debate in 16 years.

Last night's event totaled a 45.0 overnight meter-market household rating, according to Nielsen Media Research.

That's 42% higher than Friday's presidential debate between top-of-the-ticket contenders John McCain and Barack Obama, which scored a collective 31.6 rating among broadcast and cable networks.

It's also a stunning 60% higher than the 2004 debate between Dick Cheney and John Edwards. In fact, the early figure surpasses any presidential debate since 1992's second bout between Bill Clinton, Ross Perot and George Bush (which received a 46.3 rating).

I honestly don't know how to respond. Were there that many people sitting around going "She can't be as bad as i heard, I gotta watch this shit"? Were there that many people willing to share in the nations greatest televised session of awkward comedy since the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm? I must say, the drinking games for this debate were better. But 42% higher than the Presidential debate, highest rated debate since Bush/Clinton/Perot menage-a-hump? Dear sweet baby Jesus, we do like to gawk at a good car accident at the side of the road.

Now the question is, after the vague melange of cue card answers, does the McCain campaign implode in a fiery hellstorm of you betchas, dontchaknows, winks, poorly phrased attacks, misunderstanding of issues, and shout outs to the 3rd grade class Palin spent the week learning foreign policy from? Does the fact that Biden knew more about McCain policies than Palin and displayed no moose in the headlights look, finally drive an iceberg into Admiral McCain's Failship? Or do we get to spend the next few days pretending that meeting some arbitrarily low threshold of embarrassment and sentence structure is more important than knowledge of issues?

Just kidding, folksy repetition of obvious soundbites is the most important thing. Clearly. Sorry to get you all angried up.

Palin on Cheney

Yes, the worst thing Cheney did was shot that dude in the face. Not because he shot the guy in the face, not because he made the guy apologize in front of the media for getting shot in the face, not the whole attempted coverup over the face shooting, not because Cheney even refused to talk about said face shooting, but because some members of the evil left wing media tried to use that face shooting incident to pain a caricature on Cheney as some reckless, amoral, cretin who lives to fuck this country, has a man sized safe, is a Constitution shredding, wiretapping, torturing, CIA agent leaking, secretive dick, has no regard for laws or human decency, and shoots mother fuckers in the face. For shame, liberal media. Note that Biden shows a proper amount of revulsion and tried to bring that to his Cheney mentions in last night's debate.

C'est la vie Michigan

In case you missed it yesterday, John McCain is pulling up stakes in Michigan. He has left his hopes for that state in a basket in front of a nunnery. I guess the economic prospects just left him with too big a task. That he can't get his message a foot hold in Mishigan seems to bely problems with his message gaining traction in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Ohio. In fact, man recent polls have him losing ground fast or flat out behind in Indiana and Ohio, two states Bush won in 04. So what's his campaign strategy?

I guess he's putting it all into desperately holding on to those states Bush won. Which is somewhat of a decent plan considering Bush won. But already Obama is peeling off states from the Red column and making McCain claw for life in states that haven't gone for the Democrats since the sixties. Pulling out of Michigan essentially says "I have no hope of expanding the map, dear God I'm losing solid red states. Get me a drink Cindy before I smash the coffee table." So if you hate John McCain and really hope he loses in November, good news, he's coming to the realization that its going to happen and he needs to horde his money in piles in North Carolina, Ohio, and Indiana. Hey John, good thing you picked Palin instead of Romney. You might have actually had a shot in Michigan with Mittens "Son of a Michigan Governor" Romney. HAW HAW!

My brilliant thoughts on the VP debate

Well, it's over and that's all that can be said. Joe Biden showed up, looked like a guy who had his shit wired, and had an answer for everything. Sarah Palin? Whew! She didn't fall over, take a shit on stage, and she spoke entirely in English, so the media says she won. She also was vague, general, and meaningless almost to the point of incoherence, thinks a dead Civil war general runs Afghanistan, was so rehearsed she should have opened her debate answers on Broadway, and turned up the phony, folksy bullshit so hard that Will Rodgers head would have exploded. As someone said last night, satire is dead, all SNL can do is a re-enactment of this woman's performance. Of course, most of the media pundit class loved it. Substance? What's that?

The people saw things differently....again. CNN and CBS focus groups awarded the debate to Biden, and we'll probably have more snap polls doing the same out today. It appears independents and undecideds prefer actual solutions and answers to Marge Gunderson folksiness and bland pablum read off a index card. I watched the debate with my father and his constant snickers, cries of "What the hell is she talking about", protestations to turn on the Pitt game because he was tired of listening to her bullshit, and after Palin's riposte about McCain knowing how to win a war he said "He got shot down and imprisoned for 5 years. That's called 'fucking losing'" I knew it wasn't my crazy biases against her entire existence. Unlike me, he was actually considering voting for McCain.

But beyond that, Palin was just bizarre. She said she wanted more power than Cheney, thought either George McClellan or Scott McClellan ran Afghanistan, avoided questions she didn't have long enough answers prepped to veer into her own imaginary debate where Gwen Ifill was asking the questions she prepared for, winked at the camera a bizarre amount of times, let Biden demolish several McCain policy proposals without so much as one word of defense, and seemed to have no grasp of McCain's record beyond the phrase 'maverick'. She wasn't as bad as she could have been and in many ways exceeded her low expectations, but by any standard this woman was not able to even grasp the basic issues plaguing this country. She can remember all the soundbites Rick Davis made her memorize, she has no business being on that stage and in a position to be the VP of this country. Clearly. Someone tap the media on the shoulder and mention that she's up for the #2 slot in the most powerful country in the world, not Secretary of Adorable.

i suppose they had to say something.

And out trot the right wing blogs, carrying that dismal idiot on an abstraction-plated chair...

--Michelle Malkin thinks Palin "Rocks!"

--RWN thinks that, despite her complete failure as an orator, she saw into the American soul.

--Patrick Ruffini thinks she was at her best without, ya know, a reporter asking her questions.

--Mickey Kaus makes the lone salient point that, by not screwing the moose, Palin succeeded.

--Joe Gandelman sighs and regurgitates content, just like me.

--Even Andrew Sullivan, of all people, shit the bed with his take.

Anyone else left completely deflated and mildly nauseous by the fact that last night is even warranting a response?

A little vitriol before the "serious" electioneering

Next time you're sitting alone, angry, perhaps nursing a bottle of brown liquor, cradling a high-caliber firearm and wondering why your democracy is so very badly broken, stop and ponder the media:

ITEM! When Sen. Joe Biden's campaign plane landed at Signature Flight Support in St. Louis this afternoon around 4:00 p.m Eastern, Gov. Sarah Palin's plane was still on the tarmac. How did I know? Because Palin's plane actually says "McCain-Palin"--unlike Biden's, which features the name of Minneapolis's low-cost Sun Country carrier... Wasn't Obama supposed to be the candidate with all the cash?

ITEM! The meal on board Joe Force One this afternoon was the appropriately named "Philadelphia Executive Pack": a cheesesteak or chicken cheesesteak with a soft pretzel and Tastykake on the side...

Thank you, Andrew Romano, for giving all of us without press passes yet another reason to laugh at, revile and outperform you. Enjoy that cheesesteak, dripping with what you call "clever."

Broken News: McCain camp unveils new “Hey look over there!” strategy

WASHINGTON—After months of a campaign strategy some political observers have characterized as ineffective at best, the McCain campaign today unveiled a new strategy it hopes will pave the road to the White House. From now on, when Senator McCain, Governor Palin, or any staffer is confronted with an undesirable situation, event, or question, he or she will simply scream, “Hey look over there,” point to a space above and behind the malcontent, and sprint away before said person or persons can turn back around.

“This is a game-changer,” gushed ABC News political director and conventional wisdom diviner Timothy Dirksen. “For months and months the McCain camp has been caught in increasingly bizarre situations of their own creation. In many cases the only way to get the focus off that situation was to create and entirely new distraction, thus begetting a whole other set of problems. Now they can just run and hide, making a fake distraction the distraction. Plus, the news media will be loathe to criticize it because they wouldn’t want to admit they got tricked by a grade school stunt. It’s the best of both worlds.”

Already this strategy has historians recalling the famous rhetorical gambits of earlier Presidents and Presidential candidates. Nixon’s “secret plan to end the Vietnam War” and William McKinley’s “You won’t believe the shit Spain just said about you, America” gambit being the most cited examples. It remains to be seen whether McCain’s stunt net better end results than investigation and resignation or being assassinated by a Polish anarchist.

“Look, when you veer into ‘crazy scheme’ territory, there can always be negative consequences,” notes historian and thrice-arrested Presidential stalker Don Merton. “Just look at Taft. For a four month period in 1911, President Taft had the US Senate convinced that he was a powerful warlock. He was trying to scare them into backing off of their 10 cent a pound porcelain tax, as he was installing an extra large tub in his bathroom. Some senators confronted him when they found out Taft was lying and in fact had no magical powers of any sort and... things got ugly. By the time the Senate recessed for the summer, Taft had set the Senate office complex ablaze in an attempt to fake a fire spell. In retaliation, President pro tempore, William P. Frye, kidnapped two of Taft’s daughters and sold them to white slavers in Singapore.”

When this reporter pointed out that none of that had happened, Mr. Merton composed himself, screamed “Good Lord, what is that behind you!” and dove out a nearby window while my back was turned.

Already reporters are finding out the multiple and subtle nuances in this approach. Today, while being grilled on his extensive and shady lobbying ties to deposed mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, McCain campaign manager Rick Davis convinced a reporter from the Christian Science Monitor that there was a tiger behind him. Nancy Pfotenhauer feigned a hearing problem during a session with pool reporters on women’s issues. John McCain himself even pretended to fall asleep during a particularly grueling question-and-answer session on the Straight Talk Express.

A statement was later released explaining that McCain had actually fallen asleep, due to missing a scheduled nap after lunch. One reporter from the Wall Street Journal had remarked that he did notice some increased crankiness and fussiness from the candidate before he slipped into dreamytime mid-sentence during a classic golden oldie about him being the "original maverick."

Asked to explain the sudden change in strategy, McCain campaign strategist Steve Schmidt was surprisingly candid. “It’s not like all our other supposedly ‘great’ ideas were working. We tried outright lying, but the fucking bloggers started fact-checking everything. Then we tried rote memorization and repetition of trite, predictable soundbytes, but that backfired when people actually started listening. Did you see those Sarah Palin interviews? Yeesh. We were never able to crack the ‘Could you be more specific’ question-matrix.”

“Where’s the dignity in getting called a liar the second you open your mouth or sitting vacant-eyed with a forced smirk on your face as an ineffectual morning show host hands you your ass on a platter? At least if we trick someone and run, we salvage some level of self worth and blunt any negative coverage with a lack of footage or quotes. Now? You hit a rough spot and you just point off in the distance and run your ass off. I mean you fucking book it. No muss, no fuss, we live to fight another day.”

When I asked if he thought that this would just contribute to the general perception that the McCain campaign was terrified of letting people know its true intentions, views, and policies, clouding the truth with barrier after barrier, Schmidt got quiet. As he seemed to ponder the potential ramifications of this strategy, he suddenly looked up, a sheen of terror crept over his face. He yelled “Holy fuck, who let that gunman in here? EVERYBODY GET DOWN!!!!”

As I ducked to the ground, expecting a hail of bullets, I looked over to Schmidt’s chair, but he was nowhere to be found. I was later told several observers saw him running across the nearby football field, huffing and puffing as a patina of perspiration glistened on his fat, round face. There might be something to this strategy, I thought.

When asked to comment on this new McCain tactic, David Axelrod, chief strategist for Senator Obama and esoteric, baroque pop composer, refused comment. It is now believed that the Obama campaign is focusing its attention on Libertarian candidate Bob Barr and American Fascist Party candidate Seth Tyrssen, whom Axelrod believes are now vying for the title of ‘most serious right-wing/conservative political candidate.’

At least Joe has his priorities straight

Well thank God we cleared that up. We really need this plan to bail out Diamond J.....and also some financial blah blah blah. Because boy, it sure would be a shit truffle if people blamed Republicans for Republicans enacting a series of policies and laws that combined with lax oversight of government organizations which they chose the leadership for, put us on the path to a horrific financial apocalypse. That sure would be unfair.

I'm kind of gutted that getting voted out is the worst thing that can happen to these deregulation humpers. We should be building deluxe guillotines on the national mall and head chopping these pigs five at a time. Sanctioning them....I mean we should be sanctioning them.....with...rules. As long as those rules don't make things uncomfortable for Sweet Johnny Mac. He's who we need to be looking out for here. His electoral prospects, not some soon to be homeless sucker on Main Street. Priorities.

Biden's bread, buttered

Eric Wasserstrom at The Times' Trade and Economy Watch points out a potential conflict of economic ideology within the Obama/Biden camp that might get dragged into the open during tonight's horrible ass-kicking:

Vice presidential candidate Joseph Biden has a dilemma with respect to his stance on consumer lending practices versus the Obama campaign’s perspective. In 2005, Mr. Biden supported the legislation that altered the consumer bankruptcy code in favor of lenders, including credit card companies, many of which are based in his home state of Delaware. In contrast, the Obama campaign is far more pro-consumer.

Though Wasserstrom may be right that Palin's button-pushers could seek to roll this out during the debate, how is it news that a six-term senator from Delaware (the majority of publicly-traded corporations and 6 out of every 10 Fortune 500's are incorporated there) voted in favor of policies that would benefit those industries?

More over, while Obama really has no choice but to ride the economic populism pony these days, let's remember who Wall Street is backing:

Other companies are getting in on the ground floor with the new chief by stuffing money in his ears. Overall, Obama is flat-out kicking McCain's ass when it comes to Wall Street contributions, raking in nearly $9 million from securities and investment executives, compared to $6.2 million for McCain.

None of this, of course, changes the fact that Sarah Palin is an embarrassingly incompetent fraud who has no business backing up Father Time. Let's hope that point doesn't get lost in the conversation because it doesn't sell enough papers.

h/t jsg

Bail out Wall Street and the wooden arrow industry

If you were wondering what the difference between the House and Senate bailout packages were, it's raising the FDIC limit and pork, heaping piles of pork and ridiculously specific tax breaks. They did it again. Those greedy fatcats in Washington bent over for the wooden arrow lobby. Big Arrow (Wooden) strikes again.

SEC. 503. EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY CHILDREN.

Who knew the financial crisis hit wooden arrow manufacturers this hard. Look at some of the other important provisions.

SEC. 505. CERTAIN FARMING BUSINESS MACHINERY AND EQUIPMENT TREATED AS 5-YEAR PROPERTY.

Thank God they addressed that crisis. There's the a break for the Puerto Rican film industry, Puerto Rican rum (score), auto racing tracks, and for wool research. There's also these telling lines

SEC. 612. ALL LITTLE PLASTIC COVERS ON THE END OF SHOELACES MUST BE MADE OUT OF PLASTIC FROM GEORGIA TO SHUT SAXBY CHAMBLISS THE FUCK UP.

SEC. 642. RUSS FEINGOLD IS HEREBY GIVEN A LICENSE TO KILL ANYONE HE DEEMS TO HAVE TRANSGRESSED UNWRITTEN LAWS.

SEC. 701. DECEMBER 24TH IS HEREBY DECLARED 'FUCK NIELS BOHR' DAY AND ALSO 'NATIONAL NUDE PUERTO RICAN RUM FIESTA' DAY.

So rest easy, our elected betters smeared enough lipstick on the pig (Palin reference) to hopefully convince enough House members to give away money to Wall Street. Whew! That was a close one.

Guh? The bill endangers us, McCain?

Now ignore all his bullshit praising of his empty actions, did he just say the bill he voted for puts us on the brink of economic collapse? The bill is bad? You voted for it anyway, even though it damages the country worse? Is that what you're saying? Do you even know what you're saying?

I think this campaign would be better served if we were given McCain's inner monologue during all these speeches and interviews. Just so we can at least begin to understand what he thought he said or thought he meant. "Oh shit, she just questioned my maverick credentials by saying if I actually lived by that standard I would have voted against the bill. Slam the bill! That'll show her who's the maverick. Me. I'm the maverick. Now vamp a little, don't forget the cheap shots on 'The Other'. Close with a creepy smile. Done. Nailed it! Home fucking run!"

I wonder what's made people skeptical?

Skepticism of Palin Growing, Poll Finds

With the vice presidential candidates set to square off today in their only scheduled debate, public assessments of Sarah Palin's readiness have plummeted, and she may now be a drag on the Republican ticket among key voter groups, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

Tonight's heavily anticipated debate comes just five weeks after the popular Alaska governor entered the national spotlight as Sen. John McCain's surprise pick to be his running mate. Though she initially transformed the race with her energizing presence and a fiery convention speech, Palin is now a much less positive force: Six in 10 voters see her as lacking the experience to be an effective president, and a third are now less likely to vote for McCain because of her.

Gee, I wonder why 60% views her as unfit for office? Oh right, the awful interviews, the lying, the one speech she can give, and the scandals. I think 40% seeing her as fit is miraculously high. I guess these are the people who don't watch TV that often. Perhaps Charlie Sheen needs to rip out a Palin zinger on 2 and a Half Men to knock that number even further down. That half of the people who think she's unqualified see McCain as less fit is the telling stat. It used to be that it never really mattered who you chose, as long as they didn't have any 10 point, flashing neon scandals (and Palin didn't, she just had a lot of 3's and 4's) then people just didn't care and voted based on the top of the ticket. But if she's kneecapping Johnny while he's also kneecapping himself, well, Obama can fuck Bill Ayers in front of school children and still hit 300 electoral votes.

But this is where we see the threshold for tonight's debate. Left unsaid in McCain/Obama 1 was that by showing up and holding his own, Obama won over a lot of fence sitters who didn't know if he was President material. The same goes for Palin. If she can not embarrass herself during the time allotted, she can gain back some of the support she hemorrhaged away getting steamrolled by softballs from Katie Couric. Frankly, she just needs to show some Forrest Gump-ish level of intelligence, get off a homespun reference to hunting or taxes, get Biden to call her 'toots', avoid any questions of the "can you be more specific" variety and Palin won't do additional damage. Or she might blank and we'll get a hastily released suicide note from McCain as he pitches himself off the top of the Capitol building after the debate.

The NAO and you (on film)

The National Applications Office, an innocuous euphemism for Giant Fucking Domestic Satellite Surveillance Initiative, came online today. This worries my why? Apart from a fairly standard respect for the Bill of Rights, well, there's this:

A new 60-page Government Accountability Office report said the department "lacks assurance that NAO operations will comply with applicable laws and privacy and civil liberties standards," according to a person familiar with the document. The report, which is unclassified but considered sensitive, hasn't been publicly released, but was described and quoted by several people who have read it.

The report cites gaps in privacy safeguards. The department, it found, lacks controls to prevent improper use of domestic-intelligence data by other agencies and provided insufficient assurance that requests for classified information will be fully reviewed to ensure it can be legally provided.

Ah, whatever. Not complying "with applicable laws and privacy and civil liberties standards" hasn't stopped them yet. Why worry about these things now?

Be sure to point a middle finger or two at the sky today. You're on camera.

Broken In Brief: Barely functional alcoholic enjoying single life

TUSCON--Inveterate drunk Mike "Mikey" Dunn, 28, a former drywall installation specialist, Circuit City stock clerk, high school janitor, 60-minute oil change flyer distribution engineer, and pharmaceutical test subject, announced yesterday that he has become rather comfortable with his seemingly permanent bachelor status. Dunn made the announcement from the sidewalk in front of the Applebee's from which he had just been forcibly removed after admitting he could not pay for the four mega-margaritas he had ordered over the course of the previous hour.

"Yeah, I kind of miss sex sometimes and even the most basic, normal human contact. But how else do I get to fall asleep with one hand around a half-eaten roast beef sandwich and the other around my dick? No woman is gonna put up with that. But like I always say, a man's gotta have a code. FREEEEEEEEEEEEBIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Family members note that at this point in his life his only hope is to find a similarly high functioning female alcoholic or a two-time divorcee in her late forties willing to settle for anything and possessing almost superhuman levels of compassion and low self-esteem. With classes at Arizona State starting up again this week, the family is placing hope in the former.

After being ushered off of the chain restaurant's property, a visibly amused Dunn reiterated his intention to continue various practices, such as re-wearing underwear by turning it inside-out, expanding his collection of empty beer bottles, living his life by the standards set forth under the German Beer Purity Law, and building, "the most badass beer pong table you've ever fucking seen, man."

California Nurses Association goes after McCain

What I like about the ad is the subtlety. How it delicately dances around the idea that McCain's heart might explode and that the country will be run by a crazy PTA mom. Apparently this ad will be running in 6 states for two days; Ohio, Wisconsin, Michigan, Minnesota, Colorado, and Missouri. I wish it was running in PA so I could see it every news break. One question: Was it too expensive to just run footage from one of the future visions in the Dead Zone, with McCain or Palin's heads pasted in over Martin Sheen's?



Then close with a somber message from Christopher Walken that he has acquired the future vision powers from the movie, has seen the future, and is here to tell us we can't elect McCain/Palin. Because we'll all get nuked in a hellstorm of creationism, oil drilling, and expensive rape kits we have to pay for. How about it? Cali nurses, hit me up on e-mail, we'll talk ad buys.

Accidental moments of awesome

Is it me or does the black dog look full of hope and serious about the problems of the future? That tan dog just looks old, confused, out of touch, and like it has 7 doghouses. God bless you Nature and the guy who lays out your ads.

h/t Jim.

Palin debate excuses are go!!

Even though the debate hasn't happened yet the right wing blogs already know why Sarah Palin lost...........LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS!!!!! It seems debate moderator Gwen Ifill has a book coming out next year about Obama and racial politics. Naturally, that means she's going to sandbag Sarah Palin, asking her extra hard questions and stuff. Not that Palin's actually made it unscathed through easy questions, but Gwen Ifill's labyrinthine, tortured, staggeringly hard VP questions will no doubt cause Palin to spiral into dementia.

Of course if Palin actually does well none of this will matter. But I guess the right wing has all seen the same interviews we have and made the same calculation everyone has: Palin is fucked. So they need to beat the drum of liberal bias in the hopes that it will blunt any terrible performance and ideally make Ifill ask Palin easier questions. No "What should the US policy towards Afghanistan be" only "How awesome is freedom" questions. Maybe I should be surprised that Republicans have so little faith in Sar....no she said she reads all newspapers, there's no hope.

So remember, if Biden looks good tomorrow and Palin looks like a clownshoes wearing oaf, well, it was all Gwen Ifill's fault. LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS!!!!!

Bailout 2.0

Another day, another attempt to make Wall Street take $750 billion inside a large Hallmark card with a kitten on the front. It's says 'Pobody's Nerfect in the Financial Industry'. Did I mention the kitty is dressed like a banker?

The Senate is up this time, with Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell having carefully crafted a plan that is pretty much the same as the failed one, except it raises the FDIC limit to $250,000 and has all sorts of tax breaks. Because they're counting on the fact that House Republicans would chop off their own dicks if they got tax cuts for doing it. Obama, Biden, and McCain are all coming back to vote on it and Sarah Palin will be eating fried cheese curds in Green Bay, hoping no bystander yells out one of those journalistic gotcha questions. Pelosi tried to sound like the Senate didn't shit in her corn flakes. "The Senate has made a decision about how to proceed and what can pass that body. The Senate will vote tomorrow night, and the Congress will work its will."

Meanwhile in the House, the GOP is working on a plan that requires the Government to 100% guarantee bank losses from mortgage backed securities, suspend the capital gains tax for 2 years, and essentially loosen accounting regulations. Shame they couldn't work a death tax repeal in there or a declaration of war with Iran.

But there you are, two of the latest plans to give away your money. If it makes you feel any better, liberal economist Paul Krugman of the NYT thinks that the Dodd-Frank plan that got voted down was better than doing nothing, that basing anything off that framework is ok, and that the true cost of the plan, with it's taking of ownership shares, would be near zero. So when it passes at least tell yourself that one smart economist kinda, sorta, likes it and at least thinks it's better than nothing and definitely thinks it's better than Paulson's original plan. So shout "Paul Krugman thinks the bailout's not a total clusterfuck!" instead of leaping off a tall building or stuffing all your money into your mattress, or whatever you were going to do after you stopped weeping and got out of the fetal position.