Understatement of the day

Well, the effort to throw up a cap onto the underground oil leak has failed... is failing.... hasn't failed but will... let's just say it isn't going well. Why? Well there was an apparent buildup of of methane hydrates, a crystallized form of methane which has already been blamed for possibly causing the initial... you know what? I don't understand any of this. Magic. Magic is what caused the spill. Magic is what is preventing a fix. Magic. Also, possibly some sort of undersea rebellion/terrorism/Sea War by marine wildlife -perhaps led by Sebastien the sea crab- which I think you'll agree, also qualifies as magic.

Anyway, when confronted with this fact, a spokesman dropped this little bon mot about the capping efforts and laced it with all the optimism he possibly could.

When asked whether the dome effort had "failed," the BP official said, "I wouldn’t say it has failed, yet... but it hasn't worked."

Ooh, you can just feel the sunshine and smiles wafting off that statement. Gotta love that "yet".

So buck up, America. Sure, the one idea they had to cap the massive oil gush didn't work and the main PR guy for BP, sent out to make everyone feel better and cover BP's asses, basically dressed in an undertaker's outfit and started playing a funeral march for the Gulf/efforts to get us to a point where we'd just have to worry about cleaning up the biggest environmental disaster in human history. On the other hand... I'm sure something will be along shortly to distract our news media from having to focus on that.

Oh look, the new Supreme Court pick...

That Iran stuff is still happening

As you may be aware, protests have sprung up again in Iran with government backed violence, political assassinations, arrests, and threats of more government backed violence occurring on a daily basis. Actually, if you watch TV news you aren't aware.

I know what you're saying, "This shit is still going on? But my Twitter location is still listed as Tehran, I don't understand why that didn't work." I know, I don't understand either. Perhaps Khamenei and Ahmadinejad just don't understand just how forcefully people meant it when they clicked on Settings and scrolled all the way down to Location. But not to worry, our political establishment, when it isn't calling for the carpet bombing of these protesters, is fully in support of these protests with all the might that cheap, cheap words can provide. President Barry explains:

The United States joins with the international community in strongly condemning the violent and unjust suppression of innocent Iranian citizens, which has apparently resulted in tensions, injuries and even death.
...
Along with all free nations, the United States stands with those who seek their universal rights. We call upon the Iranian government to abide by the international obligations that it has to respect the rights of its own people. We call for the immediate release of all who have been unjustly detained within Iran. We will continue to bear witness to the extraordinary events that are taking place there. And I am confident that history will be on the side of those who seek justice.

So you see Iranian protesters, you have history and the rightness of your beliefs on your side. I really hope that's enough to withstand a basij guard and police force that is firing automatic weapons at you, because that's all we are going to provide right now; moral support from a distance.

Actually we do have one more thing to offer you: sanctions! Now I know what you Iranian protesters might be saying to yourselves, "How will sanctions that will almost invariably negatively affect the very people who are protesting, do additional harm to the freedom movement, while almost certainly not moving the Iranian government closer to any of your goals, actually help?" I don't know. But it will make us look tough and like we're taking substantive action, so shut up.

Fuck it, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to Twitter, clicking Settings, scrolling down to Location and putting in Tehran... in all caps. Maybe I'll add a few exclamation points. We'll see if I can't get this government toppled by mid-January at the latest.

Today in health care

Yeah, the fight is still going on and it will never end. Howard Dean is pissed and wants the bill killed. Paul Krugman feels it is underwhelming but saves lives. Keith Olbermann went all "Special Comment" on the bill. The unions are wondering what the hell they fought for. Cheaper prescription drugs and real cost savings on health care was killed. And now, near the end, two Senators are vying to extract their last pounds of flesh from the bill. In a surprise move, one of them actually has good intentions.

Independent socialist Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont is mad. Mad that reconciliation wasn't at least credibly threatened as an option, mad that his single payer bill was used as both a delaying tactic and not given a vote on the floor, and, as of now, he isn't voting for the bill. Whether he'll vote for cloture is another question, but he is concerned that the bill doesn't help enough people, cut costs enough, and provide real options to people. This makes him the first Senator all year to actually throw a tantrum in an attempt to extract something positive from the legislative process. Mark this on your calendar folks, it's a historic day.

The same cannot be said for Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson. He saw what Joe Lieberman got and now he's salivating over his power. And he will not vote for cloture until he shouts "Cave" and the Democratic leadership responds with a sufficient attempt to pile rubble on themselves. He's back on the abortion thing.

One issue that will be handled separately, though, is abortion. As I reported yesterday, Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA), who has been working with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), presented Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) with new legislative language on federal funding for abortion yesterday. Nelson says abortion is a make or break issue for him, and he regards the provision in the current Senate bill as too lax to support.

As of last night, Nelson hadn't had a chance to evaluate the new compromise. But according to Politico, Douglas Johnson of the National Right to Life Committee has already decided: "This proposal would break from the long-established principles of the Hyde Amendment by providing federal subsidies for health plans that cover abortion on demand. This is entirely unacceptable."

If past discussions over the Stupak Amendment and the Catholic Bishops are any indication, Ben Nelson has turned over veto power on a health care bill and the right to try to recede women back into second class citizen status on matters of their own body to private abortion groups like the NRLC. Isn't that nice? On the bright side, the fight to get Ben Nelson to sign on has at least given Glenn Beck a nice platform to lob dishonest accusations of treason around. So there is that.

So, the horse trading isn't over and the fight to make the bill worse goes ever on. Likely they will end up trading women's rights for a health care vote, because really, the goal is to get anything passed at this point. And what's more important, passing a bill where opinions on it range from "deeply mediocre with the bad outweighing the good" to "deeply mediocre with the good minutely outweighing the bad" or women having some sort of personal rights to make decisions on their own? I think we know the answer to that.

I think we can believe them

People, I fell it is my duty to pas on a message from the Taliban. I think that its important given that we aren't exactly thrilled with the war in Afghanistan, Generals are pushing for troop increases and escalation, and soldiers aren't exactly thrilled with the way things are going either. The message is this: except for attacks on soldiers, news reporters, fellow Afghans, and foreign nationals, suicide bombings, car bombings, and various assorted terrorist attacks, a partnership with al Qaeda, and forming an Islamic theocracy that foments extremist attacks through Islamic fundamentalism.....the Taliban claims they pose no threat to the west. Whew, I was worried there for a second.

The Taliban have issued an English-language statement claiming they pose no international threat – a move that will fuel the debate among US and European policymakers over whether the hardline Afghan insurgent group can be split away from the international militants of al-Qaida.
...
"We did not have any agenda to harm other countries including Europe nor we have such agenda today," said the statement, which was posted on a known Taliban website. "Still, if you want to turn the country of the proud and pious Afghans into a colony, then know that we have an unwavering determination and have braced for a prolonged war."

/dusts hands off in a sufficiently reassured manner

Well, I think we can take these fellows at their word. I mean they do have trustworthy faces. Well, I assume they do under their keffiyeh head wraps and balaclavas....and if they would stop the suppressing gunfire so I could peek my head up and get a good look at those faces. One point of contention: we don't want, and never wanted, your country as a colony, we just wanted it as a place that stopped making terrorist attacks against us. You may not notice it having lived there your entire lives, but Afghanistan...is kind of a hellish sandy shithole that no one in their right mind would ever choose to visit, let alone live in.

"Except for all the attacks and hostility we foment against you...we won't attack or foment hostility against you". Fine. Sounds good to me. Whatever we have to believe to get us out of there and from getting into Iraq 2.

Oh yeah, this is still happening

I don't want to alarm you, but you remember that whole Iranian Revolution thing? Brace yourselves for disappointment. Despite the fact we might have rotated green into our wardrobes a little more frequently, made our Twitter icons green, put our Twitter and Facebook locations as "Tehran", and actually paid attention until a pop star we hadn't thought about in a decade died, the revolution was not only not won by the revolutionaries, but it's still going on right now. Still! How many more green t-shirts does a guy have to buy?

Iran's opposition Green movement put on a powerful show of strength today against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as the hardline president repeated his notorious claim that the Nazi Holocaust was a "lie" designed to justify the existence of Israel.

Tens of thousands of people gathered in central Tehran to shout "death to the dictator" despite a heavy security presence and official warnings to the opposition not to hijack the Quds (Jerusalem) Day rally, the regime's annual display of solidarity with the Palestinians.

Ahmadinejad supporters mounted counter-demonstrations, leading to repeated scuffles between the two sides, news agencies reported.

Mir Hossein Mousavi, who claims he won June's election, was forced to abandon plans to take part after his car was attacked. Former president Mohammad Khatami, another leading reformist, was also said to have been assaulted by hardliners before being rescued by riot police.

That must have been a hell of a show, "death to the dictator" chants competing with "death to Israel" chants. It is nice to see that stealing an election, staging mock trials of supporters, and torturing and killing protesters hasn't dulled any of the sharp edges off of Ahmadinejad. He's still willing to go out there blame Zionists for all the wars, claim the Holocaust never happened, urge the Revolutionary Guard to beat anyone wearing green, and war monger with Israel all before he goes to address the UN General Assembly about Iran's nuclear ambitions. What a freedom suppressing scamp.

Fuck it, it's time to get serious now. I think it's clear that we failed to give the Iranian people enough moral support last time. I'm thinking we need to find an even better shade of green to change our Twitter and Facebook icons to. Pantone power, bitches! We change our Twitter location to "Tehran....you election stealing motherfuckers." We resist the urge to let our focus waver from blog updates, no matter how many celebrities die. Don't go looking to see if Dirty Dancing is available for rent on Netflix. Stay committed to the cause, Swayze would have wanted it that way. Once Ahmadinejad sees this and is subjected to the full brunt of a million snarky tweets and sarcastic live-blogs of his UN speech, he'll certainly think twice about rigging another election. I feel good about this. This is going to work so much better than last time. I'll see you on the Sherwin-Williams color fields of battle. I'm feeling 6734 Espalier or 6465 Shamrock.

Remember Iran?

With Michael Jackson sufficiently dead, his family's memorial tribute singles, and petty squabbling over the corpse not nearly interesting enough, it's time to reluctantly turn America's eye back to Iran, which is still having a little disagreement about the meaning of the words "democratic", "elected", and "Supreme Leader". It seems the people still want to be free and be partially ruled by the man they voted for, while the Ayatollah still would prefer his word to be law and that his security forces continue to Whack-a-Mole any protester who pops his head up. He's still pretty serious about it.

Iran's supreme leader told politicians Monday not to disturb the country's security in a strong warning to the opposition to back down after one of its top figures called for a referendum on the government.

Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei addressed "Iran's elite" and warned them to be cautious in the positions they take on the turmoil that has shaken the country since the disputed presidential election on June 12.

He said that hurting Iran's security was "the biggest vice," adding that "anybody who drives the society toward insecurity and disorder is a hated person in the view of the Iranian nation, whoever he is."

Remember "brazenly rigging an election": not hurting Iran's security. Saying "maybe we should let the guy the people voted for run things": hurting Iran's security. It's so nice being the conduit for God's word. Maybe I just don't understand Him or the way He communicates through His vessels, but why is the first thing God seems to tell all His earthy dictators to do is "be a total hypocrite" followed by "grasp onto power as hard as humanly possible"? You think God would have learned that's not a great plan by now.

Still, it seems Mousavi and his fellow reformist supporters didn't get Khamenei's oh so subtle message, as they were out begging to be imprisoned demanding a referendum and the release of detained protesters. I'm sure demanding stuff will really make a difference. We saw how things went when Mousavi politely asked for these things, I'm sure the new forceful tone will convince the Supreme Leader that absolute power isn't as great as he thinks it is.

As an addendum, if you're interested in a more in depth look at how things in Iran got to where they were, the BBC is starting a 3-part series called Iran and the West: From Khomeni to Ahmedinejad, the first part of which is up now. Spoiler alert: it doesn't have a feel good beginning or ending. The middle is kind of a downer too.

Pictures of the day

Scenes from that other revolution we aren't paying attention to anymore: Honduras. Though to be fair, we weren't distracted by the death of Michael Jackson like we were in Iran, we just never cared about Honduras in the first place. More or less the President tried to get the Constitution changed so he gets closer to his dreams of being President until shortly after the sun explodes, which is not cool. The military and supreme court responded by overthrowing the government and beating on people with batons, also not cool.

Also not cool: disrespecting the Colonel. He gives you the taste of his seven secret herbs and spices and you wreck his store. For shame.

Picture of the day

From the Big Picture blog comes more scenes from that whole revolution thing in Iran that is still evidently going on. Who can keep track with all the celebrities dying? I'm not certain but it seems like they're taking Michael Jackson's death pretty hard. It's OK Iran, his music will live on in our hearts forever.

This series does point out one of the better perks of being a Supreme Leader or Iran: a swank marble prayer pit. I mean other than the ultimate power, the ability to rig elections, the control over the media and security forces, and a yearly centerfold in Beard Aficionado Magazine, it's gotta be one of the better ones.