Noun, verb, ....

I don't want to alarm our audience here, because I know you're all great fans of the man, but I think there's something terribly wrong with Rudy Giuliani. He looks fine from the outside, but on the inside... I think something is affecting his memory. Because not only did Mr. 9/11 forget to mention 9/11 in an interview about terrorism, he forgot that 9/11 even happened at all.

Rudy Giuliani, the man who was mayor of New York City during the 9/11 attacks, appeared on Good Morning America today to say President Obama should take lessons from former President George W. Bush on how to prevent a terrorist attack.

"What [Obama] should be doing is following the right things Bush did. One of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We've had one under Obama," Giuliani said.

My God, get this man a CAT scan. Not only has he lost the ability to recall the largest terrorist attack in US, he's forgotten his chief duty as former mayor of New York: to crassly exploit 9/11 at every single opportunity for his own personal, political, and monetary gain. Plus, for some demented reason he decided to count a failed attack by the underpants bomber as an attack, but failed to count the failed shoe bombing during the Bush Administration as one. Or count the anthrax attacks that killed Americans. Or, again, count that tiny little event where three thousand people died, two rather large buildings were destroyed, and a mayor tried to chisel every nickel out of it he could. I can't believe he doesn't remember that last part.

Thankfully though, it appears that Giuliani, while forgetting 9/11, can still use nouns and verbs. Tragically he's not the only one suffering from this affliction of 9/11 related dementia. In the past months fellow Republicans Dana Perino and Mary Matalin have have had memory related afflictions surrounding 9/11. Hopefully some money can be raised to find a cure for this disease. Actually maybe that is the cure. Just tell Rudy that he has to raise money to pay off some debts or build a statue to himself, I'm sure memories of 9/11 will flood back into his brain and he'll be able to give the necessary speeches and acquire the necessary funds. We can only hope Rudy remembers before the 2010 political campaigning starts and the 2012 Republican primaries are underway.

Oh yeah, this is still happening

I don't want to alarm you, but you remember that whole Iranian Revolution thing? Brace yourselves for disappointment. Despite the fact we might have rotated green into our wardrobes a little more frequently, made our Twitter icons green, put our Twitter and Facebook locations as "Tehran", and actually paid attention until a pop star we hadn't thought about in a decade died, the revolution was not only not won by the revolutionaries, but it's still going on right now. Still! How many more green t-shirts does a guy have to buy?

Iran's opposition Green movement put on a powerful show of strength today against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as the hardline president repeated his notorious claim that the Nazi Holocaust was a "lie" designed to justify the existence of Israel.

Tens of thousands of people gathered in central Tehran to shout "death to the dictator" despite a heavy security presence and official warnings to the opposition not to hijack the Quds (Jerusalem) Day rally, the regime's annual display of solidarity with the Palestinians.

Ahmadinejad supporters mounted counter-demonstrations, leading to repeated scuffles between the two sides, news agencies reported.

Mir Hossein Mousavi, who claims he won June's election, was forced to abandon plans to take part after his car was attacked. Former president Mohammad Khatami, another leading reformist, was also said to have been assaulted by hardliners before being rescued by riot police.

That must have been a hell of a show, "death to the dictator" chants competing with "death to Israel" chants. It is nice to see that stealing an election, staging mock trials of supporters, and torturing and killing protesters hasn't dulled any of the sharp edges off of Ahmadinejad. He's still willing to go out there blame Zionists for all the wars, claim the Holocaust never happened, urge the Revolutionary Guard to beat anyone wearing green, and war monger with Israel all before he goes to address the UN General Assembly about Iran's nuclear ambitions. What a freedom suppressing scamp.

Fuck it, it's time to get serious now. I think it's clear that we failed to give the Iranian people enough moral support last time. I'm thinking we need to find an even better shade of green to change our Twitter and Facebook icons to. Pantone power, bitches! We change our Twitter location to "Tehran....you election stealing motherfuckers." We resist the urge to let our focus waver from blog updates, no matter how many celebrities die. Don't go looking to see if Dirty Dancing is available for rent on Netflix. Stay committed to the cause, Swayze would have wanted it that way. Once Ahmadinejad sees this and is subjected to the full brunt of a million snarky tweets and sarcastic live-blogs of his UN speech, he'll certainly think twice about rigging another election. I feel good about this. This is going to work so much better than last time. I'll see you on the Sherwin-Williams color fields of battle. I'm feeling 6734 Espalier or 6465 Shamrock.

Hey, remember that war we had going on?

Everything is OK now. In Iraq, where there's allegedly still a full scale war going on, we were able to strike a blow to al-Qaeda in Iraq by capturing their top man during a wave of bombings that killed 70+.

Iraqi forces said today that they had arrested one of the most wanted al-Qaeda leaders in Iraq, even as his suicide bombers killed more than 70 people in attacks in and around Baghdad.

Abu Omar al-Baghdadi, a leader of the so-called Islamic State of Iraq, was held in the capital after a tip-off, said Major General Qasim Atta, Baghdad’s security spokesman.

The Islamic State of Iraq is a shadowy, al-Qaeda-linked, Islamist umbrella group that in 2006 declared an independent caliphate in mainly Sunni West Baghdad, as well as in areas to the north and west. Modeled on the Taliban in Afghanistan, it murdered and intimidated anyone who did not adhere to its strict Islamist rulings.

See, not another meaningless #2, a real #1 this time. Obama is producing results. Though as a precaution it should be noted that they have announced his capture or killing numerous times in the past and some agencies even doubt his existence. Surely the alleged capture of one of the leaders of a small faction of terrorists that groups in unconnected cells and were only a small part of the insurgency, will make things all right. I mean make things even closer to the paradise that Iraq already is after the surge fixed everything.

I'm kind of surprised this news even made it into the media mainstream. I guess everyone didn't get the memo that America had forgotten about Iraq and that it wasn't important anyway because we're pulling out soon to throw some money at Afghanistan. Did they not see the big ceremonial "washing of hands" we had had for this whole Iraq war experience? They still want to contest this? We still have to pay attention? Bah.