The brilliance of this is that it's not even a full step away from most of the opinion news programming we get today. It's like a scant half-step. All I know is that I would watch it every day. Show 'em the 2nd Amendment!
Showing posts with label the onion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the onion. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The one where we sue those thieving bastards at The Onion
It is with heavy hearts and inevitably fat wallets that Matthew and I are announcing our intention to close down TheseBastards. As much as we, the crafters of The Internet's Only Political Commentary and Fake News Blog(TM), have enjoyed entertaining all twelve of you for the past year and a half, we have decided to move on to pastures greener in all ways.
We know what you're thinking. "Matthew, Sean, how could you walk away from the fame? The power? The women? The women?"
To this we say, what's the answer to nine out of ten questions? Money. And we're about to get PAID.
Posted here on Friday, January 8:
Ludicrous Building Industry Near Collapse as Dubai Economic Crisis Worsens
Posted to theonion.com on Thursday, January 14:
Dubai Debt Crisis Halts Building Of World's Largest Indoor Mountain Range
So... how does this shit work? Do they just mail us a check? I think I'll let Matthew handle the lawyering and start pricing out whores for my gold-plated jacuzzi.
We know what you're thinking. "Matthew, Sean, how could you walk away from the fame? The power? The women? The women?"
To this we say, what's the answer to nine out of ten questions? Money. And we're about to get PAID.
Posted here on Friday, January 8:
Ludicrous Building Industry Near Collapse as Dubai Economic Crisis Worsens
Posted to theonion.com on Thursday, January 14:
Dubai Debt Crisis Halts Building Of World's Largest Indoor Mountain Range
So... how does this shit work? Do they just mail us a check? I think I'll let Matthew handle the lawyering and start pricing out whores for my gold-plated jacuzzi.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Satire and reality violently smash into each other
The Onion: Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response
Media Matters: Misinformation pandemic, Beck, Limbaugh fomenting fear about H1N1 vaccine
Now normally I'd hear the phrase "Beck and Limbaugh are actually trying to kill their audience", smile politely, and skip down the street whistling a jaunty tune. But, seeing as this might actually result in deaths, I figured not even an obsessive fan of those two deserves a flu death. Plus, I would like to spare these people the indignity of reaching the pearly gates, explaining that they died of the flu because they listened to right wing commentators, then having to endure the spectacle of St. Peter calling over the Holy Trinity and all the angles in heaven to laugh at them.
So let me just say this, even though I know it won't do any good: For the love of God, don't listen to Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, or anyone on Fox News when it comes to science, health, common sense, or really anything. I know that's a large leap for most of you, but try just starting with the science and health parts; it'll probably keep you alive longer. Thank you.
Media Matters: Misinformation pandemic, Beck, Limbaugh fomenting fear about H1N1 vaccine
- Glenn Beck on H1N1 vaccine and fear mongering about the vaccine being mandatory:
- Rush Limbaugh fear mongering over the H1N1 vaccine:
Vaccine may turn out to be "deadly."
"I'd do the exact opposite of what the Homeland Security says."
"You don't know if this is gonna cause neurological damage like it did in the 1970s."
Beck suggests government will say "everybody" has to take the flu shot, may "line up" people to get mandatory flu shot.
"U.S. out of my bloodstream."
"If government says it's OK," why are health care workers protesting mandated vaccinations?
Massachusetts Senate bill "could be paving the way for forced vaccinations."
People rejecting vaccines because they don't trust the government.
Obama is "just declaring a national emergency so [they] can take power."
"You'll be healthier" if you don't listen to the government.
"Screw you, Ms. Sebelius! I am not going to take it, precisely because you're now telling me I must."
Government might be "hyping the number" of H1N1 cases to "create panic and chaos, sell health care."
Now normally I'd hear the phrase "Beck and Limbaugh are actually trying to kill their audience", smile politely, and skip down the street whistling a jaunty tune. But, seeing as this might actually result in deaths, I figured not even an obsessive fan of those two deserves a flu death. Plus, I would like to spare these people the indignity of reaching the pearly gates, explaining that they died of the flu because they listened to right wing commentators, then having to endure the spectacle of St. Peter calling over the Holy Trinity and all the angles in heaven to laugh at them.
So let me just say this, even though I know it won't do any good: For the love of God, don't listen to Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, or anyone on Fox News when it comes to science, health, common sense, or really anything. I know that's a large leap for most of you, but try just starting with the science and health parts; it'll probably keep you alive longer. Thank you.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.21
Blue Dog Democrats eye new financial reform
Let me assure you, you're reading that headline wrong. Sure you may think it says "Blue Dog Democrats eye new financial reform", but what it really says is "Blue Dogs seek to fuck over decent financial reform". Mostly by scuttling a planned Consumer Protection Agency and weakening planned regulation. Because if this global financial apocalypse taught us one thing, it's that we don't really need to keep an eye on that whole financial and banking sector. They're good people.
Good Billions After Bad
Vanity Fair comes at us with a piece that alleges that the trillions from the TARP bailout package seemed to have large chunks of the money spent poorly, being put in the wrong hands, and doing the opposite of what was needed. And all just because the system was designed without restrictions, accountability, or common sense by the Paulson Treasury Department. Are you shocked? Neither am I. Rest assured though, nothing will be done and the next time a problem like this rolls around, nothing will be learned.
Ahmadinejad: Holocaust Denial A Source Of Pride
Some people take pride in a job well done, others by helping someone else out. Then there are others, "assholes" we call them, who take pride in denying one of the most widely documented events in human history. Couldn't he take pride in rigging an election and suppressing a revolution? At least that's an achievement. Still, this is probably the smartest way to kick off your big "message of peace and friendship" UN trip.
Steve Keen Out-Thinks Larry Summers
One of the great things about this economic meltdown, besides the hobo-grade tins of beans, hopping boxcars, and all this free time, has been watching some of the most respected economists in the world armor up, grab a truncheon and a shield, and wade into the Thunderdome to do battle on the bloody fields of economic theory. Up next is Australian economist Steve Keen, who hopes to garrote Larry Summers over the Obama Administration's economic approach and neoclassical economic theory. Winner faces the viking helmeted Joseph Stiglitz and his steel murder talons in the next round.
I'm Such A Shitty Senator
The Onion was able to look at Max Baucus and see the future, why couldn't anyone within the Democratic caucus or White House see? I mean just look at that S.915 Semiconductor Investment Act. What in the hell was that shit?
Let me assure you, you're reading that headline wrong. Sure you may think it says "Blue Dog Democrats eye new financial reform", but what it really says is "Blue Dogs seek to fuck over decent financial reform". Mostly by scuttling a planned Consumer Protection Agency and weakening planned regulation. Because if this global financial apocalypse taught us one thing, it's that we don't really need to keep an eye on that whole financial and banking sector. They're good people.
Good Billions After Bad
Vanity Fair comes at us with a piece that alleges that the trillions from the TARP bailout package seemed to have large chunks of the money spent poorly, being put in the wrong hands, and doing the opposite of what was needed. And all just because the system was designed without restrictions, accountability, or common sense by the Paulson Treasury Department. Are you shocked? Neither am I. Rest assured though, nothing will be done and the next time a problem like this rolls around, nothing will be learned.
Ahmadinejad: Holocaust Denial A Source Of Pride
Some people take pride in a job well done, others by helping someone else out. Then there are others, "assholes" we call them, who take pride in denying one of the most widely documented events in human history. Couldn't he take pride in rigging an election and suppressing a revolution? At least that's an achievement. Still, this is probably the smartest way to kick off your big "message of peace and friendship" UN trip.
Steve Keen Out-Thinks Larry Summers
One of the great things about this economic meltdown, besides the hobo-grade tins of beans, hopping boxcars, and all this free time, has been watching some of the most respected economists in the world armor up, grab a truncheon and a shield, and wade into the Thunderdome to do battle on the bloody fields of economic theory. Up next is Australian economist Steve Keen, who hopes to garrote Larry Summers over the Obama Administration's economic approach and neoclassical economic theory. Winner faces the viking helmeted Joseph Stiglitz and his steel murder talons in the next round.
I'm Such A Shitty Senator
The Onion was able to look at Max Baucus and see the future, why couldn't anyone within the Democratic caucus or White House see? I mean just look at that S.915 Semiconductor Investment Act. What in the hell was that shit?
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