Chart of the day: Happy fuckers

We all know what the Cantril Self-Anchoring Striving Scale is, right? It's so ubiquitous as to not even merit explanation. But as I'm sure there are a few, let's call them "special needs readers", I'll just say that it's a way to measure personal well-being, judgment of quality of life, and feelings, among other things. It's also the basis http://www.gallup.com/poll/126977/Global-WellBeing-Surveys-Find-Nations-Worlds-Apart.aspx entitled Just a Little Too Happy Considering The Fucking State of World Affairs Right Now or Depressed and Demoralized Enough: A Look At Global Well-being.

In a nutshell, people are asked how they're doing, and those who don't respond "Fuck off Gallup" are classified into categories of "thriving," "struggling," or "suffering", compiled, and ranked on a country-by-country basis on a cool little interactive map midget that the bastards didn't make embeddable.

So what is the most miserable nation on earth? Togo at 1% "thriving". I would have put money on Haiti, but they only come in with a 4% "thriving" marker. True, that does represent most of the Fugees and those who were airlifted to the US, but it's still shockingly high. Taking the most miserable crown in Europe is Bulgaria at 6%. I wouldn't have guessed Bulgaria, but then again, I never would have thought of Bulgaria for any reason. Which I guess is part of their economic problems.

Which country is the most "thriving"? Was it ever any wonder: every Scandinavian country. Denmark (82%) and Finland (75%) top off the world rankings, with Norway (68%) and Sweden (67%) ranking highly as well. Now do you see the perils of socialist government?

And where does the United States of Freedom rank? With 57% "thriving", though most of those reporting they were thriving were in the banking and finance sectors and most of this survey was conducted between 2005 and 2009. I wonder if they're still doing all right? Where does that big shit 57% put us? Only behind Costa Rica (63%) and Canada (62%), Panama (58%), and Brazil (58%)..... and New Zealand (63%), Israel (62%), and Australia (62%)... and the Netherlands (68%), Switzerland (62%), and Austria (58%). But not Turkmenistan (52%)! So, uhhh.... yeah!

We do however rank #1 in... the region where the highest percentage of "thriving" countries are. Americas 42% thriving - Africa 8% thriving. You lose again, Africa. Americas, Americas, Americas!

So if you're ever feeling down about the state of America and feelings about self worth and happiness, at least you can always say "At least I don't live in Togo" and have a statistical well-being analysis to back up that supposition.

Jesus map

Gallup has gone out and shown use a definitive map of why large swaths of the South and Midwest infects so many regressive policies, terrible politicians, and grinds the progress of this country to a halt who in this country loves Jesus the hardest.

The winner? Mississippi at 63% weekly church attendance, followed by Alabama at 58%, and South Carolina, Utah, and Louisiana at 56%. Who wishes they could re-crucify the Lord, if he was actually real and only if they could delude themselves into believing in such a fanciful myth? Vermont at 23%, followed by Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine all clocking in at under 30%.

On a whole the country got 0.7% more religious from 2008-2009, with much of the South getting anywhere from 2-5% more religious. And who can blame them, what with the financial collapse and that black guy who is about to steal all the stuff from white people in order to give it to black people?

I know you're asking, "Isn't this just a definitive map of where and why all the political problems in this country come from?" I'll just nod silently in agreement and we can share a knowing glance.

So congrats to Mississippi, you won the 2009 God Bowl! You're probably in church right now, so why don't you pray for victory in 2010. I'm sure you can crank it up to 70%.

Chart of the day

According to Gallup, in 2009 America is the most supportive of legalizing marijuana as it has ever been. 44% of the country not only want to burn one, but is going to bump into you while it dances to "Trippin' Billies" at a DMB concert. When the question is made more specific, legalizing and taxing weed in your own state, 2% of the population checks out and support drops to 42%. In fact, the only area of the country that outright supports legalization is the West, where 53% support everyone not being so goddamn uptight about pot as well as sewing patches onto baggy corduroy pants.

So are we ever going to see action on legalizing something that isn't harmful and stop wasting law enforcement's time prosecuting potheads? No, of course not, that would open up our elected betters to charges that they're "soft on drugs" and that they want to turn the streets over to tea shade wearing dope fiends who constantly jack off when they can't find a rape victim. Still, we're almost to the point where support become overwhelming and our elected betters are forced to listen to the public. I mean just look at how well that's going with health reform and the public option. Wait, bad example.

Happy happy, joy joy

From Gallup/Healthways via the New York Times, comes a statistical survey of the happiest and most misery filled places in the US.

The sucking black holes of depression? The Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia trifecta. I always knew Pittsburgh was a little depressed, but our middling ranking in the face of this three state vortex of misery and pain is practically a Herculean achievement of happiness in the face of the WV swamps of sadness. Christ this survey didn't even factor in the Steelers SB43 victory, that ought to be good for at least 6 months of "top 20% happiest" delusion.

The happiest places in the US, nay the Earth? Hawaii, natch, Utah, and Wyoming. Guh? Perhaps special underpants and Big Love marathons are truly the way to enlightenment. Wyoming? That's just because Dick Cheney had spent the last eight years out of state and the hell forges and pain wheels of his black tower hadn't been running. Now? That place is depressed as shit...and fighting back the demon armies of their dark lord.

What is the biggest correlation resulting in happiness besides living on an island pardise? If you guessed money, then welcome to the land of the obvious, it is money. It's always money. It will always be money. People will live in an outhouse with a smile if they're pulling down enough green. So if you no longer want to live in a depressing state, no worries, you don't even have to move. Just earn/steal more money. That automatically makes your surroundings turn from a depressing gray dirge that strangles your soul into your own personal happy area. Science says so.

The Bush popularity boom

With only a few days left on his stewardship of our fading empire, our boy emperor is seeing a popularity boom. Since November, George has risen 9 points from an abysmal 25% to an abysmal 34%. The cause for this outpouring of affection? Republicans. See they've come back around on the boy, moving their opinion of him from the 55% they registered back in October, back to the mid/high seventies. Independents have moved from the mid twenties to the high twenties, and good ole Democrats have kept their opinion of George Bush right in the single digits. I guess the GOP has come around on the kid, fantasizing about him in his flight suit and remembering that while he may have destroyed the country, Bush did ram two far right judges onto the Supreme Court.

Unfortunately for the number wonks, Bush at 34% means he is no longer the most unpopular President ever to leave office. Truman clocked in at a 32% and Nixon slid into home with a 24%. Bush only finished with the second highest disapproval number, a 61% to Nixon's 66%. Bush even failed at failing. But that's more on us, America. What does a man have to do to be less popular than Nixon? Because whatever it is, Bush has certainly done enough to deserve it. Or do Americans just hate warrantless wiretapping, torture, war, Katrina, and Dick Cheney less than they hate shoddy burglaries?

Unfortunately the fact that Truman and Nixon are on that list is going to give Bushie hope, as both have seen their image rehabilitated over the years. Truman by the fact that people came to respect his integrity and that no one gives a shit about MacArthur getting fired or McCarthyism anymore, Nixon because of the existence of the George W. Bush presidency. So take heed George, there's an outside shot people will respect your integrity (say if we're ruled by brutish barbarian overlords for 1000 years) or if people decide that we have a President that's even worse than you and therefore come to hate you less. Cross those fingers.

He's never last-picked

Gallup's Daily Obama Favorability Poll. I think we like him.