Humility

Former Merril Lynch Chief John Thain doesn't want you to think he's a bad guy. I mean sure he's a millionaire robber baron who ran a company into the ground, but Johnny's a man of the people. I mean you probably didn't notice that when Thain was rushing out billions in bonuses to his people before while telling the government he was in desperate need of a bailout, fighting to get a bigger bonus for his work in 2008, or spending 1.2 million to decorate his office last year. You try feeling like a sassy financial leader without a $87,000 rug and $68,000 19th Century Credenza. Now he wants you to know he's one of you. He feels your pain.

Thain - who was booted last week from Merrill's new parent, Bank of America, for excesses that included spending $87,000 on an office rug - was having dinner at San Pietro last week with BlackRock Chairman Larry Fink. He loudly told the waiter, for all to hear, "under the circumstances with this tough economy, I think I'll have tap water."

As he bravely choked down the tap water he was heard to say "What is this taste....dear God it's flavor! Oh Christ I'm being poisoned. This is fluoridation! The communists are invading my precious bodily fluids. You see what I'm doing to ingratiate myself to you peasants! APPRECIATE ME!" before spitting it out and demanding some Moet so he could "wash the fucking taste of that bilge out of my mouth." So before you mock him or put him on your list of people to guillotine during the uprising, remember, he understands. He drank tap water.

John McCain's crack St. Louis campaign strategy

The McCain's are going to make a killing off the Anheuser-Busch sale. Anheuser-Busch is being sold for what analysts call a 'buttload' of money, $52 billion Americano-bucks, to Belgian firm In-Bev.

So what does John McCain do to celebrate his good fortune? He goes to St. Louis, home of Anheuser-Busch, for a campaign fundraiser...........at the home of the former US-Belgian Ambassador. Oh John, you savvy campaigner you. Try not to be photographed drinking Beck's and smashing bottles of Bud. Who am I kidding, salt of the earth, regular joes like you drink Cristal and Dom. Pop that shit and paaaaaarty. You're rich now, baby.

Plastering on the capital gains like a trollop

Looks like Cynthia McCain, Sen. John McCain's wife and reluctant sparring partner, stands to make a killing on the recent sale of Anheuser-Busch to Belgian conglomerate InBev. Mrs. McCain owns 34% of Hensley & Company, the wholesale distributor founded by her late father and the third-largest "A-B" distributor in the United States.

While noone knows for sure exactly how much coin Mrs. McCain stands to gain from the deal, the NYTimes' David M. Halbfinger takes a pretty good stab in today's Caucus blog.

Hint: It's more money than you have, or could ever hope to earn in one day without actually having to do anything at all. Most days, Mrs. McCain garners a measure of sympathy from TB. today is not one of those days.

This Bud's pour vous

Anheuser-Busch Agrees to Be Sold to InBev

Anheuser-Busch agreed on Sunday night to sell itself to the Belgian brewer InBev for about $52 billion, putting control of the nation’s largest beer maker and a fixture of American culture into a European rival’s hands.

InBev confirmed details of the sale Monday in Brussels.

The all-cash deal, for $70 a share, would create the world’s largest brewer, uniting the maker of Budweiser and Michelob with the producer of Stella Artois, Bass and Brahma. Together, the two companies would have sales of more than $36 billion a year, surpassing the current No. 1 brewer, SABMiller of London.

The terrorists have won. Budweiser, the quintessential American swill, is now in the hands of the European. Next they'll be adding flavor to it's water-like taste and pumping it full of additives that turn us into appeasers and make us like socialized medicine. Oh woe is this new apocalypse. Lou Dobbs is probably shitting himself as we speak.

On a more serious note, this might have a major effect on American sports advertising. Budwiser is one of the biggest advertisers in the nation, and is especially connected with the NFL. Every Sunday the only thing that breaks up the Bud ads is the erection pill ads. In-Bev is notorious for lower visibility non-'complete saturation' advertising, in direct contrast to Anheuser-Busch, which would get a robot bottle creature to violate your eyes with it's glass dong while it poured whatever new brew concoction they conceived of down your throat if they thought it would increase sales by 1%. So this could have billion dollar implications for US sports. Whither the 'Whaaaaaaaasuuuuuup' guys?

Of regional note, this makes Yuengling the #2 largest American owned brewery now. They brew almost as much beer as Samuel Adams (the #1, 1.358 million barrels to 1.2 million barrels), but are only available in 10 states as opposed to Adams worldwide business. 10 states drink the shit out of Yuengling. I know I do my part.