I like these odds

The war in Afghanistan is going great again after that brief period last week when a case of Bud Light Lime was tactically misappropriated and we had to switch generals. But we are back on mission to protect the freedoms and the liberties from the evil clutches of the Al Qaeda, the terrorists, and the terrorism inside the Afghanistan.

Now perhaps you've read this blog before and have pieced together that Sean and I aren't exactly bullish on the prospects for success on the mission nor do we think the war is a worthwhile use of money. It was probably all the times that we said we aren't bullish on the prospects for success on the mission nor do we think the war is a worthwhile use of money. That probably tipped you off. That was before we knew we had such tactical superiority.

The U.S. has committed nearly 100,000 troops to the mission in Afghanistan. ABC This Week host Jake Tapper asked CIA Director Leon Panetta how big is the al Qaeda threat that the soldiers are combating:

TAPPER: How many Al Qaeda, do you think, are in Afghanistan?

PANETTA: I think the estimate on the number of Al Qaeda is actually relatively small. I think at most, we’re looking at 50 to 100, maybe less. It’s in that vicinity. There’s no question that the main location of Al Qaeda is in the tribal areas of Pakistan.

Hey hey, anywhere from a 2000:1 to a 1000:1 advantage. I like those odds. Makes you wonder why this war makes the Hundred Years War look like a couple of short jaunts in France.

Of course you may be thinking "Why must we have a 1000:1 troop advantage and spend nearly a billion per Al Qaeda per year?" Because we don't want to make the same mistake that every other country that went to war in the Graveyard of Empires made. I haven't researched this one bit, but I'm betting all those countries didn't have a staggeringly overwhelming troop, technology, and money advantage.

So I'm sure we'll be able to get this all under control within another several years... or decades. 50 is a big number.... and it might even be 100! What's your fucking obsession with finding out the length, tactics, and value of endless costly wars? The President doesn't have a crystal ball. Look, it's simple: as soon as we kill everyone that wants us to leave, then we can leave. Not one second before.

What are the odds?

Lou Dobbs to appear on The O’Reilly Factor next Monday

I guess this is the "constructive problem-solving" and the "working to change the crippling partisanship and ideology that define the public arena" that he talked about yesterday.

They are going to have such unwatchable sex.

Get yer odds

For those of us who are degenerate gamblers gamblers who would bet on anything that could possibly been wagered on, the Michael Vick reinstatement is looking to be golden for us. Not because he's going to start up dog fighting again, giving us a competition to wager on. No, because of all the prop bets Vegas is going to let us make on the general assholish behavior of NFL fans and players towards Vick and the Eagles. BetUS only has a few up, but eventually they'll have more.

Rot# After a Vick sack will the Defender get on all 4s
17 Yes +300
Defender must be on all fours like a dog for yes to be the winner.

Rot# ATL to Play Who Let the Dogs Out during Week 12
18 No +500
Falcons must play "Who Let The Dogs Out" During the Eagles-Falcons game week 12

Rot# Will an opponent be penalized for taunting Vick
19 Yes +300
Player must be penalized for directly taunting Vick for yes to be the winner.

May I suggest some others?

NFL Stadium erupts into barking noises at sight of Vick. +150
Exasperated Donovan McNabb cries out "Just let the man be!" after one too many questions about dog fighting. +400
Philly fan shows slightest bit of shame for wearing jersey of man who electrocuted and strangles dogs. N/A
Vick found to have secret room inside Lincoln Financial Field where he trains the defensive backs to fight each other inside a ring. +350
Philly fan attempts to blame dogs for fighting instead of Vick. Oops, already happened.
PETA engages in some form of protest against the Eagles using nude women degrading themselves that completely misses the point. +100
Donovan McNabb found wistfully looking at a photo of Terrell Owens, pining for the simpler days when all he had to deal with was a WR who was calling him a closeted gay choke artist. +250
Over/Under on fights between Philly fans and friends who are fans of other teams after one too many pit bull/dog fight/rape stand jokes +/- 2,000,000 fights
Eagles/Vikings playoff matchup with pregame Vick/Favre handshake causes ESPN to explode. +100
Brian Westbrook and Vick lock eyes awkwardly when Westbrook is overheard telling Shady McCoy about the new terrier he bought his kids. +400

What the fuck?

Palin to Resign as Governor of Alaska

Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska announced Friday that she would step down by the end of the month and not seek a second term as governor, fueling speculation that she is trying to position herself as a candidate for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012.
...
“We know we can effect positive change outside of government,” she said in making the announcement. Her official statement here.

Huh? Is she really just hanging it up for good? There are staffers saying that she isn't done with politics. Mary Matalin and Bill Kristol are out telling new outlets what a brilliant move Palin was making by quitting, which tells you one thing: you shouldn't let Matalin or Kristol advise you on anything. Lord knows I haven't given her much credit and I, as well as most people who have ever seen her, heard her, or really anyone with a functionally cognitive nervous system, found her to be be frighteningly dim. But even I can't believe she's dumb enough to quit midway through her term as Governor after a disastrous VP run and try to use it to springboard to a 2012 run, right? A half a term. Her farewell speech wasn't even competent, it was the barely lucid ramblings of an insane person.

Really? The whole plan is to spend time campaigning and talking about policy? No, she can't have that poor of a political sense. Something must be up. Some horrible news must be about to drop. Let's go to the odds:

1-2 : She is that dumb
4-1 : Has the same Argentinian lover as Mark Sanford
3-1 : Pregnant again...and so are Bristol and Willow
6-1 : David Letterman's constant jokes have broken her mentally
5-1 : Tasked by CIA to undertake secret mission to keep Putin from invading US mainland
10-1 : Thinks she has the chops to run Honduras
8-2 : Needs to devote serious training time to the Iditarod
2-1 : The Universe wanted to get Sean something good for his birthday, but didn't have any old, racist senators left to kill
5-1 : Has finally accepted that deep down, she is completely unqualified for any higher elected office
4-1 : Trying to make Katie Couric feel bad for all those mean spirited "Could you be more specific" gotcha questions during the campaign
3-1 : Alaska is just an awful place to live and she just can't take it anymore

Sanford found

OK, South Carolina Governor and huge crybaby Mark Sanford is not dead....yet. It turns out he was just dejectedly walking around in the woods while Charlie Brown music played.

Out of yesterday's odds it seems that "5-3 : Has renounced society, has gone into SC mountains to build cabin and live off the land" was the closest. That is unless the excuse given was a euphemism. We all know that "hiking the Cumberland Gap" is code for "meth fueled orgy", but what does "clearing your head by walking the Appalachian Trail" mean? Is he a furry? Hiding from creditors? Trying to find Sasquatch? We need to know.

Edit: "3-2 : "Me" time with mistress" was the winner. Go collect from your bookies.

Taking bets

Mark Sanford Disappears; Even Wife Doesn't Know Where He Is

Where is South Carolina's governor?

The lieutenant governor doesn't know, and neither does a state senator who's a close confidante. Even his wife is in the dark.

Gov. Mark Sanford's unannounced absence from the state capitol perplexed some politicians Monday, and his staff wouldn't say where he was. His wife said she hadn't heard from him in several days _ including Father's Day.

Odds
2-1 : Secret gay tryst
15-1 : Arranging secret abortion for underage lover
3-1 : Weeping alone in a closet, nude
4-1 : "Carradined" himself, waiting for authorities to find body
27-1 : Actually writing something like his wife said he was
3-2 : "Me" time with mistress
1-2 : "Disappeared" by Rahm Emanuel for criticizing the stimulus
7-1 : Tap lessons with Larry Craig at Minneapolis/St. Paul airport bathroom
6-1 : At Betty Ford Center for "exhaustion"
5-3 : Has renounced society, has gone into SC mountains to build cabin and live off the land
7-2 : Hiding from his truly awful wife and children
8-1 : Secret CIA spy mission that only he can handle
9-2 : Digging extra deep hole for that whore he "accidentally" killed
4-1 : Wandering around an abandoned field in Manchester, TN stoned out of his mind