Musings on a Party, Tea'd

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Allison Kilkenny has put together a pretty comprehensive collection of post-health care Tea Party lunacy over at True/Slant. We highly recommend, and recommend highly, that you give her work a read.

In light of the whole bricks-through-windows, gas line-slashing, Palin-backed armed insurrection horseshit of the past 48 hours, I just want to make one thing clear, so long as we're talking guns n' government n' such.

If any of these flag-wrapped, gutless cretins who consider racist taunts and death threats a proper response to elected political officials enacting legislation by majority vote did not exercise their constitutionally guaranteed right to vote in 2008, or do not plan to do so again this November, they need to have their participatory Democracy cards revoked. They need to be put on notice from now until the end of recorded time. In point of fact, they should be put up against the wall and shot.

I didn't toss bricks through windows or physically threaten elected officials seven years ago when the Republican party was off waging unjustified and illegal wars that have cost this country close to a trillion dollars, listening to my phone calls, and undermining the public education system. Know what I did? I fucking voted. In my own small way, I helped dictate the course of a national election, knowing full well that those I helped place in positions of power would enact legislative measures with which I both agreed and disagreed.

That's how it works, you spineless troglodytes. But, by all means, feel free to keep vandalizing property, threatening congressional representatives and inviting criminal investigation. You're doing a hell of a job so far and, not surprisingly, raising plenty of money for a Republican party that took its sweet-ass time condemning your sophomoric tantrums. The trouble is that you, just like the party for which you inexplicably vote year-in and year-out, absolutely reek of desperation.

In an election year, that scent carries farther than you might think.

TheseBastards Endorsement: Admiral Akbar

The brave students of Ole Miss have been tasked with selecting a mascot to replace Colonel Reb, the former Rebels' luckbringer. The early frontrunner is famous trap-detector and hero of the Battle of Endor, Admiral Akbar.

Venture to notatrap.org to lend support.

Just so we're clear

Not only am I wearing a green shirt, but I have made my Twitter logo green, I have skimmed through Andrew Sullivan's constant protest updates a few times, contemplated changing the blog header to green before giving up immediately, I have typed #iran into Twitter at least twice, and said "Iran...ain't that some shit" to one other person.

So if this revolution fails it will not be my fault, it will be yours. What with your not wearing green "I love the Ayatollah but before that I loved the Shah" attitude. I have contributed mightily to this democratic effort and if it succeeds it will mainly be due to my efforts and the efforts of Americans like me......and also a couple of those Iranian people. So let us be clear: you and possibly millions of Iranians aren't pulling their revolutionary weight.

I made my Twitter icon green, people. GREEN! Plus I voted in a poll to ask Google to make their logo green. How much more can one man do?

Contingency

According to the Huffington Post, the Republicans have a plan for retaking back some of te seats voters have driven them out of with torches and pitchforks. Conducting themselves like adults? Changing their strategies to better reflect the beliefs of the American people. Showing up to govern sober? Voodoo?

Nope. Redistricting and gerrymandering. Redistricting could force a swing of almost 30 seats in the house, as districts so crooked and contorted that they'd give a yoga master a groin pull are fashioned out of pure contempt for the voter.

Brian Namey, spokesman for the Democratic Governors Association described Democratic governors as "a formidable line of defense against Republicans who would like to Tom Delay us out of congressional seats."

I don't think Namey knows what a 'Tom Delay' is. According to the New American Dictionary of Rank Perversion we keep on file here at TBHQ, a 'Tom Delay' involves a harness, a spotter, vegetable shortening, an electric juicer, and a pain tolerance rated at least a 7 out of 10 by a medical professional. Geting 'Delayed' is second only to a 'Fritz Haber', which is a dutch oven on steroids, on the NADRP's scale of Things Not To Do To Loved Ones. Not electing Republicans (sodomy through your pants) is #5 and not electing Democrats (a promise that things will be different, then sodomy through your pants) falls in at #9.