The horror...

The Washington Post's brackets for their Most Influential Person of the Decade poll. Hey, an all Muslim final in the East! Al Gore has got to feel hard done by. The Harry Potter books and films were great, but the energy industry and most Republicans in Congress would agree that An Inconvenient Truth was the best fiction book and movie adaptation of the last decade.

I think that any decade "Most Influential" poll where you can not only place Paris Hilton alongside two Presidents, tech leaders, and public officials, but credibly argue that she wasn't given enough credit by voters as an important influence, pretty much cements the entire decade as one you need to use gallons and gallons of grain alcohol to completely purge from your memory.

On the bright side, the decade bar has been set so low that the remaining 9 decades will only have to avoid the complete collapse of society to ward off "Worst decade of the century" plaudits. The downside to that is the first decade of the 21st century spent so much time ignoring and exacerbating problems that it made it all the more likely that collapse would happen in the second decade. I just look forward to voting on the esteemed collection of hobos, drifters, and regional warlords that will make up the 2020 "Most Influential" list.

The last honest man

If you didn't already really, really hate Joe Lieberman with the fire of a thousand suns, our great newspapers have taken it upon themselves this week to try and take that loathing and crank it up into the two or three thousand sun range.

First there was the Wall Street Journal's epic paen to Joe, in which thousands of words are spent memorializing and lauding self-aggrandizing narcissism, hypocritical self-interest, inflated egotism, spite vendettas, and self commissioned statue building. The story really should become the dictionary definition for fellatio, or at least "media fellatio."

The Washington Post took a different angle, showing why everyone hates Joe Lieberman and attempting a pushback on the large bullshit parade he attempt to lead any time he opens his mouth. It's a nice catalogue of grievances, but at the end of the story, while discussing his disdain for the public option, it drops this little nugget:

“He keeps saying over and over that we can’t afford the public option, but the question is whether we can afford the subsidies,” said John Holahan of the Urban Institute.

Confronted with the cost-saving assessments of a strong public option, Lieberman concedes the point, but he says an aggressive government-run plan would put undue pressures on medical providers and force them to shift costs to private insurers. Put simply, he opposes the public option in any form, regardless of whether it reduces costs.

That's right, his "principled" opposition to the public option fully concedes that it would save money. If he knows that, he knows the stronger a public option is, the more money that it saves. Yet still he opposes one. Yet God is still refusing to hit him with a flaming rock from the sky.

So there, just mull that one over as you get to read over and over that the public option was just removed from the Senate health reform bill. Swish that one around the 'ole palate. Push the rage deep down inside and save it for another day, so when you see the inevitable news story praising him for his "contributions" and "action" during the health care debate you can explode out with an emphatic "THATFUCKINGSONOFABITCH", perhaps directed at a loved one or small child. As you think over how hard this man worked to take money out of your pocket and degrade your health care options, one thought will rattle around in your head: "Thanks Connecticut. Thanks for electing him." They're welcome.

Stay classy, Dave

The "Dean of the Washington Press Corps" David Broder of the Washington Post, making the case that it's he, not Bill Kristol, is the most awful columnist in America:

The more President Obama examines our options in Afghanistan, the less he likes the choices he sees. But, as the old saying goes, to govern is to choose -- and he has stretched the internal debate to the breaking point.

It is evident from the length of this deliberative process and from the flood of leaks that have emerged from Kabul and Washington that the perfect course of action does not exist. Given that reality, the urgent necessity is to make a decision -- whether or not it is right

That's right, a man is openly arguing in a national newspaper that President Obama needstomakeadecisionrightfuckingnow on Afghanistan and that he doesn't care if that decision is wrong as long as a decision is made. Wow. Sure, the wrong decision will costs untold billions, thousands of lives of soldiers, ten of thousands of lives of Afghan civilians, and completely destroy any influence and ability to shape critical interests in one of the most important areas of the world, but David Broder has decided that he's tired of waiting to hear in what new way brown people are going to be blown up, he just wants to see them blown up NOW.

Classy. Though it's not as if the Obama Administration is actually debating a course. I think they've pretty much decided to do exactly what McChrystal wants and the only debate is over whether 39,999 troops makes it look like they got their way more than 40k does. But irrespective of that, dumping 40k soldiers into the area requires a lot of logistical planning, especially when you have to co-ordinate with other nations with armies there, the corrupt Afghan government, and are trying to make sure that Pakistan doesn't fuck you over. All of this is actually difficult and takes time. I know, organizing doesn't give you a war boner. Still, it's a much better plan than killkillnownowdiemuslimdiekillbloodwarejaculatekill. Just think of it this way: he's coming up with a plan to kill more brown people for the taxpayers dollar. Does that get you hard? I think I see your pants tenting. Alright Dave, keep up the good work.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.02

Kalashnikov Manufacturer Faces Bankruptcy
And it was the preferred weapon of every paramilitary organization, freedom fights, pirate, and child army in existence! It's a surprise to say the least. I guess old man Kalashnikov should have learned the phrase "planned obsolescence" and not made guns that would work forever in any type of poor condition. Ah well, if new one aren't flooding the market this might make the AK's you can buy for $20 in Africa go up in price. How's a child army going to afford that? Will no one think of the children?

Special Health Care for Congress: Lawmakers' Health Care Perks
While our elected betters debate whether to make a small or large leap from the shittiest health care system in the developed world towards the second shittiest, ABC News decides to take a look at the health care they give themselves. In addition to great health insurance they also get access to a medical clinic which also serves as an addition comprehensive health care plan that is good for anything short of major surgery. But the peasants can't be allowed to engage in some form of health care that causes too much undue competition to the industry that rips us off. I try not to hate you with every fiber of my being, government, but you make it too easy.

Dwarves found 'theme park' commune to escape bullying
As a white Christian male in the key 25-54 ad demo, I'm not one who much understands the plights of those who aren't. But if you're a group of dwarves trying to avoid bullying and mockery from the public at large, wouldn't the last thing you do is start up a theme park where those people can pay money to watch you engage in "It's a Small World" performance tropes? I'm just sayin' is all.

A grand unifying theory for Superman
Finally, someone has decided to address the scientific concerns I've always had with superhero superpowers in regards to Newtonian theory. And all the better that it's done by someone affiliated with Ryan North's Dinosaur Comics and done in a serious manner. Now you don't need to read Superman comics and be annoyed by the fact he can fly, now you have a scientifically consistent explanation and the possibility of further study in a journal quality paper. Now if only someone would tackle the seeming genetic impossibilities present in the X-Men.

George Will Believes The Hottest Decade In History Shows An ‘Absence Of Significant Warming’
The Wonk Room decides to take on George Will's seeming propensity to look at hard facts, measurements, and statistics about global warming, then lie about them. As well as the fact that the Washington Post doesn't seem to care that he does it time and time again. I guess if you let Charles Krauthammer, David Broder, Richard Cohen, Robert Kagan, and Bill Kristol spew bullshit ranging from vapid to dishonest to actively damaging the country all over your column pages, one more guy doesn't really make a difference.

Baucus reaction

So Baucus dropped his bill yesterday....to what we'll call a less than enthusiastic response. But hey, I'm sure Max Baucus liked Max Baucus' bill, even if Senators were diving out of their offices to tell anyone with a camera they weren't happy with it. We've had our reaction from the political hacks and loudmouthed, bitchy bloggers, but what of a substantive analysis of the bill? Is it actually any good? Sure Baucus locked out Democrats in order to waste time, make concessions that were unpopular, and end up with no Republican support, but did the bill at least use a nice font?

The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities decided to take a look at the bill and in it's overall analysis it called the bill "fiscally responsible" that contained "sound policies that would use resources in the health care system more efficiently." But, they also noted, reflected a common complaint of the day, the subsidies he provides for people to buy insurance are too small and would "leave many people who are eligible for subsidies facing fairly steep insurance premiums and cost-sharing charges that they could have difficulty affording."

When discussing the bill's "free rider" portion, where employers who do not offer health coverage are required to pay for low and moderate income employees receiving government subsidies, the CBPP note that this is going to not only discriminate against and discourage the hiring of the poor and especially the poor with children, but place barriers to employment, and raise the child poverty level. The Washington Post's Ezra Klein, who if not an outright cheerleader of the bill is at least more positive and upbeat about it than most, called the "free rider" provision "The Worst Policy in the Bill, and Possibly in the World" and, were he artistically able, would have drawn a picture of Max Baucus raping a peasant. Furthermore, Klein notes that the co-ops, the supposed solution to nasty socialist public plans, have been completely neutered from even their original construction as a completely neutered version of a public option and are thus practically useless.

On the cost of the bill and the supposed "budget neutrality" aspect of the bill and it's cheapness when compared to other bills, James Kwak notes that it does this by essentially forcing down $140 billion more in taxes on the middle class in what must be Baucus' bid to become deeply unpopular and make terrible political and policy moves. The New York Times Prescriptions blog is more blunt in it's assesment, noting that the bill is likely to please drug companies and insurers....and no one else. The Times also published an "experts blog" where experts from various fields all looked at the bill and decided it ranged from a "bad bill" to "a sinking ship". Positivity!

So give it all a read and decide just how angry to get and to what level you think you're getting screwed. You know what's sad? That even after Baucus decided that it was his duty to move American health care forward in the worst way possible, that despite all the complaints, bad ideas, industry toadying, time wasting, corporate handouts, and sodomizing of the American populace; his bill would actually move American health care forward. Isn't that depressing? When even terrible ideas are an improvement? Oh, and in case you were wondering: Baucus used the Verdana font.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.07

Republicans Propagating Falsehoods in Attacks on Health-Care Reform
Steve Pearlstein of the Washington Post on the lies hypocrisy and childishness of the debate over health care. He's fairly angry, dubbing those who are engaging in this type of action "political terrorists". But other than that it's a fairly clear and concise explanation of what the current plan under consideration is, disappointing as it is.

The Health Insurers Have Already Won
BusinessWeek on how no matter what ends up eventually getting passed, the health care industry will be relatively happy about, having been able to set the terms of the debate and the modes of reform almost from the drop. I know: what a shocker. I think that makes it the 137,897th time in a row that Congress decided to look out for business first instead of the actual people in a case that didn't involve overt poisoning or murder. Even the poisoning/murder ones are a 50/50 proposition in looking out for the public.

Pennsylvania Gunman Used Same Gun Store As Virginia Tech Shooter
I just want all you TB buckaroos out there to remember that if you're a mentally defective loner who is increasingly disturbed by his seeming disconnect from society and wishes to act out his militaristic revenge fantasies with a kill crazy rampage and subsequent suicide, go to TGSCOM Inc. of Green Bay for all your firearm needs.

Kepler Shows Exoplanet Is Unlike Anything in Our Solar System
The Kepler Space Telescope is finally starting up its mission to search for and analyze planetary bodies from solar systems in an attempt to find earth-like planets. The timeline for the project is to find a comparable planet by 2020. What have they found so far? A Jupiter sized planet with huge 1,300 degree temperature variances and a titanium oxide atmosphere. Oooh, so close.

New Radiohead - "Harry Patch (In Memory Of)"
Perhaps in some bid to cleanse themselves of Thom Yorke's voluntary wallowing in the Twilight mudpit, Radiohead has recorded and released a new song in honor of the recently deceased Harry Patch, the UK's last remaining WWI veteran. It's fairly good and all proceeds from the one pound purchase of the song go to the British Legion. Man, Radiohead outdid us again. All we did was use Harry Patch's death to mock education standards.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.24

The Five Craziest Glenn Beck Moments
I know, only five? How can you whittle down such a voluminous record of frothing, childish insanity into only five examples? Sure we all loved the fake pouring of gasoline on a staffer, and the weeping, by God, the sniveling weeping, but what about him ripping stars off a flag, claiming FEMA was setting up concentration camps, and that Keith Olbermann killed all the world's democracy? It's like asking to choose which one of your children you love most.

G. Gordon Liddy says Obama is an ‘illegal alien’ born in a ‘hospital in Mombasa.’
Really, does the media have nothing better to do than spend valuable air time debating lunatics about where President Obama was born? Really should anyone be interviewing a degenerate cretin like Liddy about anything other than how to make time in a federal pen fly by quicker, how to properly ref a boxing match between Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper, or the best way to plot the murder of journalists you don't like?

Memo to Post: If George Will quotes a lie, it’s still a lie
The Climate Progress blog on why maybe the Washington Post should tell George Will to stop writing half-assed dishonest columns of climate change. Still though at least Will had the stones to base a column around a bullshit statistic. That at least puts him one up on all the guys who stand outside, go "It's cold today. It should be warm." and then churn out a column about Al Gore's global conspiracy.

Official: Joint chiefs chairman 'infuriated' about detainee abuse
Apparently Admiral Mike Mullen is one of the latest to be outraged at the detainee abuse and specifically the abuse documented in the photos that have been barred from release. So that brings the "outrage" total to just about everyone in the Obama Administration. They're outraged! Just not enough to let the American people know what happened or prosecute those who authorized it.

Boehner says GOP health alternative is coming
After the House chair of the GOP Health Care Solutions Group said the the GOP didn't actually have any health care solutions, weepy beach party aficionado John Boehner totally swore that they did totally have an alternative plan and they'll totally unveil it at some nebulous future date. I'm saying their health care plan is capital gains cuts, estate tax removal, cutting the corporate tax rate, and possibly finding the richest guy in America and blowing him. Who's taking bets?

Sounds ethical

What are you to do if you're a struggling news paper. Revenues are down debt is up, you decided a long time ago to put your news on the web for free and now no one will ever accept paying for it, and Craigslist is sleeping in your house, driving in your car, eating your food, and screwing your wife. So if you're the Washington Post and you're seeing all these problems there's only one obvious solution: sell access to your journalists for anyone with a sack full of cash.

For $25,000 to $250,000, The Washington Post is offering lobbyists and association executives off-the-record, nonconfrontational access to "those powerful few" — Obama administration officials, members of Congress, and the paper’s own reporters and editors.

The astonishing offer is detailed in a flier circulated Wednesday to a health care lobbyist, who provided it to a reporter because the lobbyist said he feels it’s a conflict for the paper to charge for access to, as the flier says, its “health care reporting and editorial staff."

The offer — which essentially turns a news organization into a facilitator for private lobbyist-official encounters — is a new sign of the lengths to which news organizations will go to find revenue at a time when most newspapers are struggling for survival.

Not to say this isn't completely and totally unethical, I mean who wouldn't want to pay the WaPo $25,000 so you could be in the same room with their neoconservative editorial/columnist crew and a blunt object to beat them with? If there's one thing I've always said about the news it's that the regular citizen has too much attention paid to his or her best interests and opinions in the health care debate. Isn't it time the news elite in this country were forced to consider the concerns of lobbyists and insurance CEO's? What better forum than one that is ethically indistinguishable from prostitution? Strike that: forced prostitution. I'm sure the journalists are thrilled to be doing this.

So if you want access to some of the Post's top minds get your $25,000 out, $250,000 if you want to be a part of the whole series of "Salons." See if an extra couple grand can get those journalists to perform some "French-style" reporting on you, maybe even get two of them to perform a "journalism show" like you saw in the seedy, pasty fleshed ink pits of Bangkok. I'm sure the WaPo is up for it. They really need the money.