OH SHIT, THE NUKES ARE IN THE AIR! RUN FOR COVER!!!

Today the Washington Times has a lovely new article up giving us all a new sneak preview of our new serious, adult foreign policy discussion that will soon grip our elected and media betters: oh sweet fuck, Iran lied and has been working on THE BOMB and those fuckers are going to be able to nuke us any second now, KILL KILL KILL, BOMB BOMB BOMB, WAR WAR WAR.

But before we start ramping up the scholarly articles that will soon arrive talking about how to save the Iranian people and support the nascent Iranian protest movement we must bomb the everliving fuck out of them and lamentations that our un-negro dialected Muslim President is insufficiently willing to start a new war and protect the homeland, those gentile souls at the Cato Institute point out that there always seems to be a theme in intelligence estimates of Iran's nuclear capabilities.

“Late 1991: In congressional reports and CIA assessments, the United States estimates that there is a ‘high degree of certainty that the government of Iran has acquired all or virtually all of the components required for the construction of two to three nuclear weapons.’ A February 1992 report by the U.S. House of Representatives suggests that these two or three nuclear weapons will be operational between February and April 1992.”

“February 24, 1993: CIA director James Woolsey says that Iran is still 8 to 10 years away from being able to produce its own nuclear weapon, but with assistance from abroad it could become a nuclear power earlier.”

“January 1995: The director of the U.S. Arms Control and Disarmament Agency, John Holum, testifies that Iran could have the bomb by 2003.”

“January 5, 1995: U.S. Defense Secretary William Perry says that Iran may be less than five years from building an atomic bomb, although ‘how soon…depends how they go about getting it.’”

“April 29, 1996: Israeli prime minister Shimon Peres says ‘he believes that in four years, they [Iran] may reach nuclear weapons.’”

“October 21, 1998: General Anthony Zinni, head of U.S. Central Command, says Iran could have the capacity to deliver nuclear weapons within five years. ‘If I were a betting man,’ he said, ‘I would say they are on track within five years, they would have the capability.’”

“January 17, 2000: A new CIA assessment on Iran’s nuclear capabilities says that the CIA cannot rule out the possibility that Iran may possess nuclear weapons. The assessment is based on the CIA’s admission that it cannot monitor Iran’s nuclear activities with any precision and hence cannot exclude the prospect that Iran may have nuclear weapons.”

And on and on and on. Iran is perennially one year away from gaining the bomb! Hell, even the new season of 24 has President Goodarab of the Islamic Republic of Genericstan *wink**wink*Iran*wink**wink**wink* one year away from the bomb and engaged in negotiations with the US to halt their program. It somehow all involves Jack Bauer caving a dude's chest in with a axe, Starbuck, and Freddie Prinze Jr., but they are negotiations nonetheless.

So before you whip yourself into a total war froth, just remember: Iran is one year away from the bomb, because Iran will always be one year away from the bomb. Two decades from now Iran will be one year away from the bomb. I know it'll feel really good to do a couple of bombing runs on Tehran in order to support Mousavi, or whatever reason it is our political betters will be advocating for, but let's remember that.

Quote of the day

America's favorite legacy warmonger, Liz Cheney, decided to offer the President some suggestions on what he should do during the Nobel ceremony if the logical option of swearing fealty to her father was out of the question:

"The notion that this White House says he will go to Oslo to accept this prize just adds to the farce," Cheney said on "Fox News Sunday." "But I do think he could send a real signal here. I think what he ought to do frankly is send a mother of a fallen American soldier to accept the prize on behalf of the U.S. military and frankly to send the message to remind the Nobel committee that each one of them sleeps soundly at night because the U.S. military is the greatest peacekeeping force in the world today."

Yes, I'm sure he'll get right on that. But this just speaks to one thing I'd like to address. It's easy to criticize and mock the President and the Nobel committee surrounding this whole "awarding a guy you don't like an award you don't like" thing. It's ridiculously easy. But if you are going to do it, could you at least understand the basic concept of the award? Sure the "I hear Obama is going to get a Best Picture Oscar for his intent to make the best film ever" joke is great, but "he should accept it on behalf of war starter X", or "how come they never gave the award to war starter Z", or "he should accept it on behalf of all wars", or "start a war....now" largely misses the point of a PEACE Prize. Go back and read those last two words and see which one doesn't fit with war. Also, I'm fairly sure that other countries fought to liberate Europe in WWI and WWII, unless you think the Iraqi army posed a real invasion risk to Denmark.

Let me get in one final cheapshot: Liz, how about instead of going on Fox News to criticize the Nobel Peace Prize, you go to the funeral of one of those Iraq War soldiers you revere so much and ask them if they're thankfull for all the lies your father had to tell to get put them in that pine box. Now go away.

Why aren't we at war with Iran yet? Newt's getting impatient

Newt Gingrich is out hitting the old dusty trail, self flagellating for heightened tensions with Iran. Why? Because war is like an multi-year dose of Cialis shot right into the base of the GOP's penis. With Iraq winding down and Afghanistan not winding up enough, their war boner is is going limp and no amount of right wing wang flogging is going to get it up. Not unless Iran gets invaded. So Newt brought his case to the Jews, and he didn't forget his bag full of Hitler references.

"We need to recognize that there are some regimes we will never be able to cut a deal with because they are in fact evil," he said Sunday, the opening day of this year's American Israel Public Affairs Committee policy conference, drawing close to 7,000 delegates.

Gingrich likened negotiations with the current Iranian regime to negotiating with Adolf Hitler, and called for "enforcing the disruption of gasoline supplies until the Iranian economy broke, the ayatollahs were ousted and a new regime was in place without a single shot fired." That earned thunderous applause.

Gingrich also called for a military strike to destroy missiles in Iran and North Korea.
...
"There's almost an eagerness to take on the Israeli government to make a point with the Arab world," he said, speaking to the Post ahead of his speech before the American Israel Public Affairs Committee's annual conference.

He called US President Barack Obama's program of engagement on Iran a "fantasy," and his Middle East policies "very dangerous for Israel." He summed up Obama's approach as "the clearest adoption of weakness since Jimmy Carter."

Wait, the same Jimmy Carter that negotiated a sill intact peace accord between Israel and Egypt? That son of a bitch. I bet he could have got an even better agreement if he missile striked one of the pyramids. I think it's just nice to know that Obama has moved from just being a Iran enabler, what with his declarations to actually engage diplomatically with them, to being objectively anti-Israel.

Who knew a pledge to have their diplomats go to lunch some time would spiral into all out Israel hating? Newt Gingrich knew...and he's not afraid to go into an AIPAC conference and start screaming "NEW HITLER!!!! NEW HITLER!!!!" and unveil his embargo plan (which coincidentally is the same plan he decries whenever a Democrat or the UN tries to use it against a non-Iran country) that will totally bring Iran to it's knees. He'll do anything to get you to see the danger.

Look at the comparisons. Hitler perpetrated the Holocaust. Ahmadinejad doesn't believe it happened. Hitler controlled vast armies, navies, and air forces and used them to wage the largest war in human history across multiple continents. Iran has no such forces, doesn't even have nukes, has started no war, and in any event Ahmadinejad doesn't have any control over the military. One had a mustache, the other had a beard. I forget which had which. Hitler triggered a conflict that killed millions upon countless millions. Ahmadinejad is a massive prick in all his public speeches. Fuck, I'm convinced. Let the nukes fly. Newtie needs his war boner back.

If you're not into the whole brevity thing...

Pretty much sums it all up, yeah?

BAGHDAD — An unpublished 513-page federal history of the American-led reconstruction of Iraq depicts an effort crippled before the invasion by Pentagon planners who were hostile to the idea of rebuilding a foreign country, and then molded into a $100 billion failure by bureaucratic turf wars, spiraling violence and ignorance of the basic elements of Iraqi society and infrastructure.

Why am I not surprised that it took over 500 pages to explain how inept this reconstruction cash grab effort has been? Heckuva job.

Red dawn is still fiction.

"They might not be a superpower, but the threat the Government of Iran poses is anything but tiny."
- Senator John McCain (R-AZ), remarks delivered May 19, 2008

"The danger from Iran is grave; it is real; and my goal will be to eliminate this threat."
- Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), remarks delivered June 4, 2008

The Center For Arms Control and Non-Proliferation did everyone a favor today. In lieu of all the talk from both candidates and both parties about the danger Iran poses, they put together a list of the actual instead of the fevered dreams of the possible. Stopping them from attaining nuclear weapons is the correct goal, but otherwise, Iran can't do anything to us. They aren't a serious existential threat. You and your friends aren't going to have to hold them off from crossing the East River, all the while screaming "WOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINES!" Sorry. And trying to tamp down Iran's nuclear ambition while screaming about them as an imminent threat that needs to be dealt with (like say smugly singing bomb bomb Iran) doesn't exactly make the case to Iran that no nukes are a good thing.

Sleep tight. The islamofascists don't march at dawn.