Video of the day

With the recent.... let's call it arglebargle and fooferaw surrounding Israel over that whole "shooting humanitarians, strangling media access, and then blaming the victims" thing, they're not all that popular. Well, more unpopular than usual. So of course one's mind wanders to the most obvious problem arising from these newly (not really) ratcheted up tensions: what of Israel's tourism industry.

So of course Israel could use some good PR to boost the flagging tourist trade that might not want to be caught up in that war we all know is coming or come sailing in on a cruise ship and get their head kicked in by a special forces SWAT team repelling from helicopters. And since Israel's only PR strategy seems to be throat punching anyone who makes eye contact with them, the responsibility to drive international travelers to the Holy Land falls to Peru. Yes Peru.

In the prologue the Delfín, who likes to begin his socially-conscious music videos with similar scenes, is shown relaxing in his living room, watching the news. In this case, the faces on the screen express their doubts about Israel as a tourist destination. “There could be bombs in the street,” one woman says. “It scares me.” The Delfín springs to his feet in outrage at this distortion: “This cannot be!” he cries, and the Andean disco/huayno beat kicks in. “Israel, Israel,” the singers chant in the chorus,

How pretty Israel is!
Israel, Israel
In your lands one day I’ll dance.

Behold:


I swear to God, despite all the footage of scuba divers, llamas, windmills, creepy old women in catsuits, and the countryside of Peru, that video is about Israel.

Anyway, makes me want to visit Jerusalem... or drop peyote in Lima. Either or.

I think I'll enjoy the architectural beauty of Dubai from afar, thank you very much

I'm not sure I quite understand the aims and goals of Dubai and the United Arab Emirates. It seems to me that they have two quite contradictory goals. One, create some of the most ridiculous buildings, structures, and resorts known to man in an attempt to lure business and high end tourism dollars. Two, subject anyone who goes there to the most arcane, regressive, and unfair judicial system anyone could possibly conceive of. I'm no rich Arab oil sheik or developer, but those two goals don't seem to mesh together.

Let me explain.

A United Arab Emirates sheikh was acquitted Sunday of charges connected to the videotaped beating and torture of an Afghan grain dealer.

Sheikh Issa bin Zayed al-Nahyan, a member of the emirates' ruling family, was charged with rape, endangering life and causing bodily harm in connection with the nearly three-hour long tape shot in 2004 in the desert outside Abu Dhabi, one of the United Arab Emirates in the Persian Gulf region.

See, they're just like us! Sure, one might say that he's probably guilty just because there's a three hour tape of the man pouring sand in a victim's mouth before beating him with a nailed board, burning his genitals with a cigarette lighter, shocking him with a cattle prod, leading him to believe he would be shot, pouring salt into his wounds, and repeatedly driving an SUV over him. But others would say, that you should shut up. I mean not only was he taking prescription medication that caused all of this, probably Rapinex or Abusitol, but they say that tape doesn't show everything the tape explicitly shows in graphic detail. Who can really argue with that?

Then there's stuff like this.

A father-of-three who was found with a microscopic speck of cannabis stuck to the bottom of one of his shoes has been sentenced to four years in a Dubai prison.
...
A search by customs officials uncovered a speck of cannabis weighing just 0.003g - so small it would be invisible to the naked eye and weighing less than a grain of sugar - on the tread of one of his shoes.

Frankly the man should have known better: there was that case where a man was imprisoned for having three poppy seeds. Then there's that whole thing where you're at fault if you get raped there. It works that way for both women and men. Equality!

So there are positives and negatives. Sure, you get to partake in five star hotels and the lavish life of the ultra rich... on the other hand you'll probably be raped and tortured in the desert, get thrown in jail for letting it happen to you, and then get an extra four years tacked on to your sentence of "1st degree getting raped and tortured" because they found out you had lemon poppyseed cake at breakfast. But, on the other hand, those buildings are really crazy and they have a massive hotel shaped like a giant wind sail! Agassi played Federer on its helipad! So I guess you'll have to make that decision for yourself. I think I'll just Google architectural reviews of their follies and "Dubai financial collapse" from afar.

Oh, I forgot to mention the slave labor and... we'll just call it "all the other stuff". Don't ever go there.

Broken News: Maine town finally included in Stephen King story

LINNEUS—Celebration rang out in the streets today, as the small town of Linneus, Maine learned that it’s decades-long literary exodus had come to an end. In a note posted on his website, author Stephen King announced he had decided to set a short story in Linneus, officially making it the final town in Maine to be featured in one of King’s tales.

“I am proud to announce that today, Linneus will be the last area of Maine to be menaced by my particular brand of contemporary horror fiction,” the writer announced via his website.

“I’m sure the 892 residents spread out over the town’s 45.8 square miles will scarcely believe what I have in store for their little hamlet. But I am certain they’ll enjoy my latest tale of Gothic terror scraped together from concepts I had long ago discarded as unworthy of the printed word, but have since revived in an effort to avoid my wife through writing. I’m sure the good people of Linneus will appreciate what a writing legend will be able to do with facts gleaned from their town’s meager Wikipedia page.”

Adding, “A 0.67% Hispanic population? You won’t believe how that fits in. The rest will be standard New England pastoral generic small town bullshit filler but, hey, at least you're on the map!”

Noting that he would name-check the town’s Hodgdon Mill Road and Red Roof Road, King noted that he hoped this level of detail would gain him somewhere in the neighborhood of 892 new readers. King took the time to remind people that in this economy, and given the putrid state of the publishing industry, “every extra person counts”, before lamenting that he had overused Bangor in earlier stories and was regretting that it wasn’t a reliable sales generator anymore.

The news was of great relief to many within Linneaus, who had long suffered the indignity and mockery of surrounding towns as being the only place in the state unworthy of being mentioned in yet another King story the author had set in Maine.

“I thought this day would never come,” a relieved Mayor John Swithen said. “After he set Duma Key in Florida of all places, I wondered if we’d ever get our shot.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Swithen shouted, beaming with pride. “I’ve taken shit at the Maine Mayor’s Conference for the last time! No longer am I going to have to sit around as other mayors leaf through King’s books, point to their town’s name and knowingly nod at each other. No more having to listen to ‘I can’t find Linneus in my book, is it in yours?’ comments. Next year, I’ll be able to slap down a book, point to my town and yell ‘There! It’s right fucking there!’”

Some are worried that King’s placement of the town within his pages will rob the small borough of its unique status and the requisite tourist dollars Linneus previously generated among King fans as the one place in the state that Mr. King had yet to hit on the giant dartboard of Maine he keeps in his office.

But city officials assured those who are wary that the municipality can function without the $150 dollars it raised last year from an eBay auction after one King fan left their iPod behind during a brief stopover on the way to Derry.

With the future publication of this story a certainty, focus now shifts to the nearby Juniper Knee Pond which, unless it also merits a mention in the as yet untitled story, will be the only remaining Maine landmark or structure yet to be immortalized in King’s work. But those who live nearby are hopeful that the author can find it in his heart to grace the small body of water with at least one supernaturally dismembered corpse or perhaps even a psychic struggle between a shy boy and an ancient evil.

In any event, King is glad to finally complete his longstanding goal of cataloging the entirety of the Pine Tree State through offhand references in his horror novels.

As for what’s next, King isn’t sure, but he noted that he is curious to see “what kind of flavor the state of New Hampshire brings to his stories.”

Broken In Brief: Tolerable tourist spotted in Manhattan

NEW YORK--New York City Police, Fire and Emergency Medical personnel were dispatched to the intersection of Fifth Avenue and East 34th Street early this morning. This massive convergence of first-responders, initially thought to be a drill, was in fact conducted to positively identify, interrogate and, if possible, replicate a tourist who behaved like a decent, intelligent human being.

The tourist, whose name is being withheld for security reasons, was spotted just after 10 am on 5th Ave. snapping a quick photograph of the Empire State Building, according to Officer Dale McArdy, who was first on-scene.

"What got my attention was the way the person stood near the edge of the sidewalk, not right in the middle, while taking the picture. Then, right after taking a few shots, they politely re-entered sidewalk traffic and kept a normal pace. Didn't stop randomly and gawk. Made no sense."

According to the NYPD, the suspect, who was neither barrel-assed nor clad in an iconic "I (heart) NY" t-shirt, then proceeded to bypass not only a Wendy's, but several garishly themed chain restaurants designed to only appeal to tourists in favor of a local, family-owned deli. After eating their sandwich, the suspect then entered the Herald Square subway station without pausing right at the top of the steps and unfurling a MTA map.

"We are both surprised and thrilled by this discovery," announced Mayor Bloomberg during his Monday press conference. "I assure the people of New York that every attempt will be made to attract more of these strange creatures to our city."

If you lick her, she tastes like the back of a stamp

The President and First Lady pose at Madame Tussauds with a wax sculpture of Queen Elizabeth II... we think.