Need a quick birthday party idea?

Children. God love 'em. They truly are the future. But sometimes the "future" needs to be severely traumatized and made to think that they are being stalked by a murderous demon who wishes to do them harm. We all know this. It has been a bog standard part of child raising since time immemorial. Thankfully one Swiss company has decided to take the hassle out of you yourself doing the own damage to your kid. You can now rent out that kind of psychological trauma.

Dominic Deville stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes. He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked.

But Deville is not an escaped lunatic or some demonic monster. He is a birthday treat, hired by mum and dad, and the ‘attack’ involves being splatted in the face with a cake.

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville. ‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

See? He's not an escaped lunatic, just a professional one, and he's not a demonic monster, just dressed like one. Can't you see why this is such a great idea. I mean if the kid does avoid the attack/shitting his or herself.... they get to keep the cake! Surely that is a valid reward for a week of being stalked by a demonic clown.

As if you needed another reason to think this was perhaps the greatest idea ever, it has the full endorsement of Clowns International. I have no idea what Clowns International is but I really, really hope that it's a clown and clowning trade union, with leadership votes, dues, strikes, and everything. Smokey rooms filled with cigar smoking fatcats saying things like "We gotta bust up this clown union! Then we can really start makin' some money!" or a man in a full clown suit banging his hand on a table and yelling "You can't push the clowns around any more! We get a fair wage for a days clowning or we strike and shut down this clowning factory!" Maybe a weepy businessman says "These clowns have got us over a barrel... give in to their demands." At least that's the way it goes in my dreams.

So, if you wish to traumatize your kid and you're too much of a pussy to get a divorce and blame it on him/her, then this is he next best thing. Unfortunately it's only available in Lucerne, Switzerland for now. Hopefully someone will be bringing this service stateside soon, otherwise our kids will only have general American society and culture to do grievous mental harm to them.

Art of the Day

Joshua Hoffine has taken it upon himself to recreate basically every nightmare you had as a child. Sleep well.



/via soothbrush

yad eht fo oediV

Someone with absolutely no concern for your childhood or ability to sleep decided to record the boat ride from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in reverse. This is easily the most unsettling thing I've seen all week.



Sleep well.

Yes, shit clouds

I can't see my hut from here.

The image above is not my most recent lung scan. No, it is a satellite image of the giant clouds of vaporized shit that hover above southeast Asia.

BEIJING — A noxious cocktail of soot, smog and toxic chemicals is blotting out the sun, fouling the lungs of millions of people and altering weather patterns in large parts of Asia, according to a report released Thursday by the United Nations.

On the bright side, once our stupid fucking economy completely collapses, so too will our ability to bulk purchase cheap shit manufactured in Chinese factories that treat the surrounding ecosystem like a two-bit whore. So there's an upside.

Separate but related: Take fifteen minutes and head over to WattzOn.com, where you can create a personalize energy consumption tracking program and do your part to perhaps kill the planet a little more slowly.

Boo.

Psst... Hey, want to see what a McCain win looks like? Go below the fold. First one is free.



Calm down. Nate Silver did this just to fuck with you. This scenario has only occurred 169 times out of every 10,000 simulations run earlier today. Go to bed.

Then wake up tomorrow and give Al Franken some money.