The morning WTF

Did you ever think that a simple call to volunteer could be linked to such a global conspiracy to render America into a mindless drone army of communists doing the every bidding of Chairman Maobama? You don't think like Glenn Beck. Really, this is such a sight to behold. He can take anything and spin it into a sinister web of liberal corporations trying to enact the Fourth Reich. Volunteering is the new communism? Yup. Beck has a gift. He's a conspiracy idiot savant. Marvel at him.

There are more Joes?

I have here two valuable pieces of intelligence seized from McCain Deputy Campaign Manager Christian Ferry's latest email to "supporters." Maybe someday soon I'll grow tired of posting and responding to these inane missives from young staffers, newly single and ten pounds heavier courtesy of the campaign lifestyle, clicking ruefully at their computers as fewer and fewer people show up each day to volunteer for a lost cause. Maybe someday. But not today.

Anyway, many Bothans died to bring us this information...

Dear Supporter,

Last night, you saw John McCain win the final debate of the general election.

No, Chrisitan, last night I saw a bitter old man bury his campaign under a shitpile of baseless accusations and unfortunate facial expressions. I've no doubt that you saw Senator McCain win the debate. Then again, you probably also see Uwe Boll movies and wisdom in the Flat Tax.

We know that John McCain is prepared to bring bold solutions to solve our nation's challenges. He'll fight for the "Joe the Plumbers," "Joe the Florists" and "Joe the Carpenters" of America to reduce taxes and allow more men and women to realize the American Dream.

Plumbers? Florists? Carpenters? How many of these assholes are there? Are we to believe there is an Army of Joe lurking in the flatlands, licking its wounds and reloading before marching on the polls in a few weeks? As much as I appreciate the warning, can't we eradicate this separatist group before the election? If the original piece of disingenuous, fame-hungry garbage is any indication, this country needs no part of another Joe T. Occupation.