Mascottery

We all love the Olympics. The pomp, the circumstance, the athletes, the competition. But when you ask people "what do the Olympics need to add" you get one clear answer. The answer you used to get was "A tightly regimented, visually appealing opening ceremony performance from an oppressive communist country." But since Beijing, those wishes have subsided. Now the first thing people say is "Olympic mascots that not only look like giant penises with arms, but seem to be wholly conceived as a reference to a slang term for the penis."

London 2012 gives you Wenlock and Mandeville... the one eyed monsters.


No, no, it all makes sense. See:

The mascots have been given a back story, created by acclaimed author and former children’s laureate Michael Morpurgo, based around the idea that they were formed from the last drops of steel left over from girders made for the Olympic Stadium.

Ahh,that's why they look like giant dancing cocks. Sure beats the pants of Atlanta 1996's Izzy... the dancing blue sperm in sneakers.

So thank you London for allowing what is evidently some large scale prank by giggling teenagers to slip by the 80 year-old Lords, Sirs, and Barons who were probably running this thing. Much thanks to the 20 and 30 year-olds who never spoke up to point this out.

We know you weren't going to wow us with the opening ceremonies, as 30 Rock explained... you don't have control over your people like that. But thanks for giving us the next best thing: two penis shaped "one-eyed monsters... *wink*" as mascots. The world thanks you and eagerly awaits the London games.

Holy Dong

Controversial crucifix creates rift at Warr Acres church

Churchgoers are outraged over a crucifix in a Catholic church that they say shows an image of genitalia on Jesus.
...
"There are a couple people who have left the parish,” said the Rev. Philip Seeton, the church’s pastor. "There are people in the parish who don’t like it and have stayed.”

Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering Jesus’ abdominal area. Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen "showing distension” — not a penis.
...
Janet Jaime, a local iconography artist who designed the crucifix, had no comment.

We must commend Ms. Jaime. It's not often you get a chance to do artistic work for the church, end up drawing a huge cock on the Lord, and then when Church leaders ask you what the dong shaped item coming out of Jeezey Creezy's britches is you have the wherewithal to say "Uh... it's... a... distended abdomen.... because of the... uh.... crucifixion... yeah, that's it" and the church leaders go "Oh, yes, naturally" and hang it up.

I mean what are the parishioners mad about? It is a Godly wang, worth of Diamond J himself. Did they want it made bigger? He was the Son of God, but let's not start defying the reasonable limits of what is possible on the human body.

I don't know what the outrage is about. I mean the Church and Christian offshoots in general have been so maniacally obsessed with other people's cocks for the past decade or so, I guess the artist just thought it'd be something they want their picture of the Lord to deal with as well. Plus it allows them to focus on something within the Catholic church that doesn't have anything to do with kids getting abused and molested and no one doing anything about it. Win win.

So if anyone ever wondered what the Lord's holy twig and berries looked like, we now have a Church sanctioned artist's conception. Now you see why we worship Him.


[via Towleroad]