Civil War in 2010

You know maybe people are taking this Obama/Lincoln thing too far. First it was all that Team of Rivals nonsense, now apparently Barack Obama is going to preside over the breakup of the United States and a civil war in 2010. Unclear on the status of a chin beard or top hat in Obama's future.

For a decade, Russian academic Igor Panarin has been predicting the U.S. will fall apart in 2010. For most of that time, he admits, few took his argument -- that an economic and moral collapse will trigger a civil war and the eventual breakup of the U.S. -- very seriously. Now he's found an eager audience: Russian state media.

In recent weeks, he's been interviewed as much as twice a day about his predictions. "It's a record," says Prof. Panarin. "But I think the attention is going to grow even stronger."
...
"There's a 55-45% chance right now that disintegration will occur," he says. "One could rejoice in that process," he adds, poker-faced. "But if we're talking reasonably, it's not the best scenario -- for Russia." Though Russia would become more powerful on the global stage, he says, its economy would suffer because it currently depends heavily on the dollar and on trade with the U.S.

Mr. Panarin posits, in brief, that mass immigration, economic decline, and moral degradation will trigger a civil war next fall and the collapse of the dollar. Around the end of June 2010, or early July, he says, the U.S. will break into six pieces -- with Alaska reverting to Russian control.

This is intensely dispiriting to those of us who were excited about the end of the world in 2012. Now it turns out we'll be fighting in the trenches with six other US geo-states in a battle for resources and won't have time to watch Quetzalcoatl destroy the earth. Lest we think the man spouting these predictions is a nut, it turns out he's a former KGB analyst, is the dean of the Russian Foreign Ministry's diplomatic academy, gives lectures, visits the Kremlin, and appears on TV as a US/Russia expert. So he's at the very least a well conected, high ranking nut.

According to him we in the Northeast will become Atlantic America and will join the European Union, while Canada eats the midwest and California takes all of the PAC-10 and brings it under Chinese influence. Showing his complete understanding of Texas, he thinks Texas and other nearby states will break off and join Mexico or fall under Mexican influence. Sarah Palin throws of the shackles of forbidden love and brings Alaska back to dearest Vladimir, and the Japs take Hawaii. Apparently no one self governs, we all just break up and then join disparate nations thousands of miles away.

So, sorry to bring the bad news, but we're in for a breakup. I'll be European in a few years and you'll be a Texican or Calichinese. Some Russian guy predicted it.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.7

Val Kilmer Mulls Run For Governor
Oh yes Val Kilmer, the notoriously volatile star of the Doors and one of the bad Batman movies is not only BFF with New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, but wants to take over for him when he's done and has received encouragement from Richardson. I don't even know how to respond to this, but I would totally want one of Hollywood's most bizarre actors as my governor. You hear that Jeff Goldblum? Come back to Pittsburgh and unseat Rendell! Brundlegovernor!

How wrong they were
Salon collects up a myriad of quotes and predictions about the election, piles it up, and rubs everyone's nose in it. My favorites? Dick Morris' '05 book "Condi vs. Hillary: The Next Great Presidential Race." now selling for $.20 in the bargain bins. The National Review's K.Lo trying to squash rumors that Obama won PA, then two minutes later having to concede Obama won PA. McCain advisor Charlie Black's November second quote that McCain "...is probably going to win Pennsylvania and Iowa." Or Rush Limbaugh's quote about Obama having been dead in the water since the primaries. Go look through the stupid and pick out your favorite. Remember though, I was right all along. I scrawled 'OBAMA08' into a stone tablet when I was five and it came true.

Rahm Emanuel: Obama's Chief Of Staff
Rahm Emanuel officially agreed to become Hussein X Obama's Chief of Staff. This has already provoked hysterical bitching from right wing commentators saying that Obama reneged on his promise to change the way things work and be bipartisan. He did all this with his first selection. Apparently Obama isn't allowed to hire any Democrats and if he wants to be bipartisan he can't actually want to bring Republicans over to his side or attempt to win any legislative battles with experienced hands who know the players and the terrain. Apparently Obama was supposed to pick some noodle spined lickspittle who would cave in the mere presence of Republicans. His failure to do this means he molested the Statue of Liberty or something. Molested it with a Democratic agenda.

Scientists Turn Tequila into Diamonds
That's right, Mexican scientists have found out a way to create diamond film using 80 proof tequila and heat. This is not a racist joke. No donkeys or sombreros were involved. They hope this will be useful in providing diamond coatings for semiconductors and cutting tools. I'm just mad at this disgraceful wasting of alcohol. Couldn't they use something useless like babies milk or donor blood?

The Department of Defense wants your designs for a collaborative robotic team
That's right, the DOD needs help in designing teams of mechanized horror-bots to track, mutilate, and assimilate fugitive humans. Pack hunting robots specialized for hunting humans. I'm sure this won't result in Skynet going active or possibly...Tek War. You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!