Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.11

Sarah Palin Ebay Dinner Offered -- With Disclaimers
I know times are tough, but if you happen to have $25,000 sitting around in a bank account somewhere, or perhaps in non0sequential bills in a burlap sack with a dollar sign on it, you can afford the privilege of dinner with Sarah Palin. You and 4 friends will get to eat dinner with Wasilla's own Brad and Angelina: Sarah and Todd. Now she does reserve the right to refuse a winning bid, so you will have to maintain your lies about admiring her intellect up until the very end. So give her money, she's broke and doesn't have a job now.

Ohio Cheetah Clocks In At 36 MPH
Not content to let Usain Bolt get all that "fastest this" and "fastest that" hype for running 100 meters in 9.58 seconds, the good people at the Cincinnati Zoo went out and got a cheetah to run a 100 meter dash in 6 seconds. What does that mean? That in an international competition a cheetah would run down and devour the world's fastest man somewhere around the 50 meter mark, possibly sooner. This is good information to know.

Museum Scours World For New Videos Of 9/11 Attacks
How do you get people to a museum commemorating the deadliest terrorist attack in US history? New camera angles!!! And they need your help. So if you're sitting on any unseen footage of the towers falling or the plane's impact, send it in, they need it to "tell the story." Here let me help: planes crash, buildings fall, people die, country flushes mind, morals, laws, and money down large toilet in an as yet unsuccessful campaign of revenge and justice. It's not a great story, but that's why we need to dress it up with different camera angles.

9/11 as a Lesson, Not a Memory
A nice reminder from the Washington Post that no matter how important people think an event is, schoolchildren who don't remember it or didn't live through it will always find the learning of said event to be an unbelievably boring dirge that is being unfairly foisted upon them. I think the best part is kids complaining about the length of the learning packet on flight plans and US/Afghan relations.

Pawlenty: It's "A Viable Option" To Invoke State Sovereignty, Keep Minnesota Out of Health Care Reform
Hey Minnesota, you elected this jerkoff, as well as his jerkoff counterpart Bachmann, and almost re-elected that jerkoff Coleman, so I guess you deserve to go through this. Invoking the 10th amendment to make sure citizens don't get access to cheaper health care, that's a good one. What's funny is that he's supposed to represent the "rational" and "moderate" factions of the Republican party and use that reputation as a springboard for his 2012 Presidential aspirations. Oh well, I guess he'll have to settle for signing his own political death warrant instead.