I would like to purchse one

How can any of us say we're living in a country that truly respects its second amendment unless we can all buy these:


Now they say that this Rocket Propelled Chainsaw is for zombie killing and ruling a post-apocalyptic world, but who needs the dead to rise to have this weapon. Surely it can be used to take care of unruly tree branches without use of a ladder, child rearing, or *pounds fist into palm* regulating shit in the neighborhood.

Can we really say we live in the 21st century if our chainsaws remain un-rocket propelled? I think not. Someone from Lockheed, Stihl, or Baretta get on this.

Finally!

You know, some men have dreams of greatness. Of going to the moon, climbing Everest, or finding an exceptionally large bag of money. Me? My dreams are about my own personal entertainment. And the bag of money thing. But mostly I just want life to entertain me as I've given up most hope that there is any other joy to be wrung from it.

That's why I have been praying for a Sarah Palin/Michele Bachmann 2012 Presidential ticket. What's more entertaining than two crazy, deluded women, rife with conspiracy theories about socialism, a fundamental lack of understanding about anything, and a propensity for mind shattering gaffes teaming up together to attempt to win the Presidency? Nothing. Well, OK, a lot of things. But you'd have to admit it'd be funny. I'm just glad to see that I'm not the only one thinking ahead for the future of comedy. Charity scam artist and military family bilker Sean Hannity thinks along the same lines.

"Are either one of you considering a run for the presidency in 2012?" Hannity asked the two. "I'm just asking. Gov. Palin, I'll start with you -- but before I get their answers, how many of you would like to see a Palin-Bachmann ticket?"

The live audience from the Minnesota Republican Party rally that day roared in applause and cheering at this idea. "Well that sounds kind of cool," said Palin.

Sarah hems and haws and faiths it up with a little dash of God on the side and Michele hems and haws and forgets that Geraldine Ferraro existed, however neither commits. Of course neither rules it out, so there's still hope.

All I'm saying is that I'll do anything to get this to happen. I'll sacrifice chickens, take some anti-psychotics and watch Hannity's show, pray to the baby and adult Jesus, and even donate money from the bag of money that I'm sure I'll find in the next two years. Just watch any of the videos from their appearance. Palin tries to write Naughty By Nature's comeback hit and Bachmann rants about the economic coup that has transpired. I think we're all in agreement: this needs to happen.

Oh please let this happen

Sweet Baby Jesus, lying there in your manger, surrounded by cute stable animals and hay, could you get off your goldbricking God-infant ass and make this happen already?

GRODIN: We can waterboard you?

HANNITY: Sure.

GRODIN: Are you busy on Sunday?

HANNITY: I'll do it for charity. ... I'll let you do it. I'll do it for the troops' families.

Waterboarding Hannity....for charity. For the troops. Do it on pay-per-view and the DailyKos commenters alone will fund two new Walter Reed hospitals.

This raises two important questions: 1. Does Hannity, self-important windbag that he is, actually have the guts to do what his huffed up, lizard brain, knee jerk reaction to having his masculinity challenged made him say? 2. Will Hannity actually come to the conclusion that just about every journalist who gets waterboarded comes to the second the water hits their face: that it's torture? Or are we going to see him pretend to shrug it off like it's Spring Break fraternity hazing?

Start up the donation site, I pledge $50 bucks and my solemn vow to not stop laughing for the entire duration of this pasty blowhard getting the full brunt of the torture he's been excusing for the past few years.