The end times

We here at TB Industries are avid Armageddon watchers. We like to look at any situation and extrapolate how it might end society and civilization as we know it. Be it giant space meteors, global warming, complete economic collapse, hadron/hardon colliders opening black holes on the French border, nuclear devastation, plagues, angry God/Gods on smiting sprees, or our dream... zombies, we are eager to see the world end. Mostly because we feel we'll survive and come to rule the wasteland that comes after. We're optimists.

But we also like to sarcastically joke about the Republican party and their dire predictions for things that will happen if Democratic legislation passes. Things like the systematic murder of the elderly because of health care. I guess when Barry puts pen to paper later today on that health care bill, he'll just be heralding some new round of horrible plagues. Maybe even the end times. No, seriously.



Yes, actual Armageddon.... because people will get better access to cheaper health care. I think you can all see the nightmare scenario that will bring about. But God bless the incredulous Shep Smith, who must be building up to another outburst any day now, for pushing through and getting Steele to claim that they want to get to a more civil place in politics... right after he declared the end of the world because of the health care bill and right before he plugged a site where you can go view a flame engulfed Nancy Pelosi and donate $16,000 to throw the bitch out of the Speaker's seat.

So on a scale of Armageddon we're going to have to rate health care as a weak 1, despite Steele's claims that it's a definite 10. There is a chance that the health care is so good that it will create functional immortals and overpopulation will occur, but that's a long shot. Plus immortality is the complete opposite of zombification, which is a major negative of the horror scale for an apocalyptic event. Steele thinks we're all going to die, we just wish we could believe him.

Off in the distance Shep Smith sheds a single tear of despair

What's the one thing you think the Fox News media empire needed? Was it one more loathed right wing pundit famous for his screeds against immigrants/immigration, his belief that the President is a Kenyan sleeper agent, shallow faux-populism, and a gargantuan sized ego replete with delusions of grandeur? They heard your clarion call.

Certainly, Fox continues to aggressively bolster its on-air talent, most recently with the hiring of John Stossel, the libertarian investigative journalist from ABC News, for its spin-off channel, Fox Business. The business channel is also keen on another administration critic, Lou Dobbs, who met for dinner with Mr. Ailes last month, according to two people with direct knowledge of the meeting.

John Stossel and Lou Dobbs? They're taking everyone I hate and putting them on two channels I will never have to see them on. I don't know what this emotion is I'm feeling towards Fox News...is it...gratitude? Heartfelt thanks? A desire that their studio collapses when all of them are gathered inside?

That said, if you see Shep Smith today just give him a pat on the back and tell him you feel for him. If he's wearing a cast on his hand it's because he punched a wall in anger. Ah, it's just one more thing for him to get righteously indignant about.

Shep~!

It's time for another episode of Shep Smith: Man of Conscience. The show where Fox News' constant unending shilling for the GOP and corporations finally drives humble broadcaster Shep Smith into a furious rage, whereupon he must find a victim and smash them to death with facts.

The poor bastard on the receiving end this time? Sen. John "I didn't goaltend for any Penguin Cup teams" Barrasso (R-Wyoming). What was Shep pissed about? Lies about the public option and the fact that the insurance companies own our government lock stock. Shep starts getting some of that Taibbi-style righteous fury going. All-in-all it has been a pretty good day for publicly shaming health care liars on the TV. Enjoy.

Fairness! Now w/ Balance.

It's time for another installment of "Shep Smith's pesky conscience virulently asserts itself as his brain tries to come to grips with the news practices his network is engaging in." It happens, from time to time. On the bright side, it's starting to happen so much that he'll stop being surprised soon and just come to accept it.



Yes Shep, your instincts were right. Not only isn't it even a fair comparison, the amount of Canadians that use US health care, because theirs is supposedly so terrible, is almost completely negligible. A tip without an iceberg. That's alright Shep, take another swig of the brown fix-it juice. Booze will make it all better, it'll kill your "working for Fox News" related pain.

I'd imagine so, Shep

Fox News anchor Shep Smith looking at the von Brunn shooting and von Brunn's racist white supremacists writings, his membership in the 9/11 truther movement, and his membership in the Obama is a Muslim/he never showed his birth certificate club. He decided that there was a seeming connection between the type of stuff von Brunn wrote and the sort of stuff he was being sent by Fox News viewers on an hourly basis.

Really Shep, Fox News viewers include a large portion of crazy right wingers? Nice of you to make the connection. Maybe you'd like to pass that message on to Glen Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and Sean Hannity. That is if you can get in a word edgewise in between their fevered ranting about encroaching socialism, encroaching fascism, one-world governments, Obama being the new Hitler, another civil war, the Mexicans that are stealing all our jobs, race wars, liberal conspiracies, the liberal media, and evil Moos-lams. If you can, maybe you'd like to draw a connection between their delusional paranoid, conspiracy rantings (I'm looking hardest at you, Beck) and these terrorists acts and the beliefs of the people who commit them.

Maybe it'll eventually dawn on them to conduct themselves like rational humans. OK, it clearly won't work on Beck, but it only probably won't work on Hannity or O'Reilly. Why not give it a shot, if only so you can sleep at night. It's gotta be rough as the only guy on Fox News with a conscience.

Shep's brain finally breaks

It must be rough being Shepard Smith. He seems to be the only guy on Fox News who honestly believes that the Fair and Balanced thing isn't just a large punchline to a 24-7 joke. He actually tries to be rational and balanced. But then after working day after day after fruitless and sould crushing day, the Fox News experience starts to get to him, slowly building up the rage and bile. Then Fox does something like try to defend torture 24-7 and Shep's brain melts down and he explodes during a segment where a purported judge is trying to justify torture.



Good Shep, you're a little late to the party, but thanks for coming. Well I guess that was one minute of the day where Fox wasn't completely whitewashing torture. Now excuse me, I have to go watch Bill O'Reilly try to browbeat a former Special Forces captain who doesn't think torture is the awesomest thing ever.