Attention Readers: Nothing is fucked here

What was surely the first of many, many Steelers posts has apparently angered a few of our more loyal readers, to the point where they tattled on Matthew via pissy emails to yours truly.

I, too was irritated by the sight of Steely McBeam on the site and have therefore informed Matthew that, starting now, he will lose one finger for each picture of The Worst Mascot in History he posts on These Bastards. If he persists, as he likely will, there are plenty of family members to kidnap.

We apologize for the inconvenience and thank you for your patronage.

As you were.

All misty-eyed and shit

These Bastards launched but two weeks ago and already we've had over 1,000 visitors. I'll concede a brief moment of sincerity and thank you all for supporting us so steadfastly in this ultimately idiotic and self-aggrandizing endeavor. Honestly, we appreciate your patronage and hope you will continue to load this bookmark whenever you're bored at work or trying to figure out which set of "topless" Megan Fox photos to torrent next.

In honor of you, our 1,000th visitor, whomever you are, we offer a prize traditionally reserved for kings, ambassadors, and other visiting dignitaries...

Free handjob from Matthew.

Seriously, just knock on his door and say, "I know who the final Cylon is." He'll let you right in.