He's back!

You may remember insane Tea Party candidate and Founding Father fetishist Rick Barber, who is running for Congress in Alabama. He was the guy complaining about IRS and Census oppression in front of a gun stroking Washington and calling for an armed uprising against the government. Gather your armies!

Well, he's back and this time he has a pedantic argument about the Whisky Act, an overlong rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, a girly slappy fight with Glenn Beck to enact and this time he brought Honest Abe with him.



So...... no... taxes? Because.... taxes are exactly like..... slavery? And..... the holocaust? THOSE GODDAMN BLACKS ARE GETTING FREE BAILOUT MEALS!

One minor historical quibble. You know that part where you reference slavery and the Civil War and how "We shed a lot of blood to stop that in the past, didn't we?". Yeah.... you're from Alabama. You didn't shed any blood to stop slavery. You people, your state, and your side shed blood to keep slavery. It was an important dividing point between the two sides. Us Northern homosexual liberals who are oppressing everyone with the tyranny of health care? We're the ones who fought against slavery. Also: Lincoln loved the shit out of taxes.

Anyway, keep it up, Rick. I await the next one with Teddy Roosevelt carrying a big stick and complaining about those damned Mexicans he fought and financial reform. I'm sure it's like... child murder or something.

Broken In Brief: Obama speech on kittens, rainbows widely panned

Above: The face of socialist homosexual terror

VALDOSTA, GA--A public address by President Obama to the students of General Sherman Elementary School was met with vehement protest by a band of self-described "independent grassroots activists" who called the speech a transparent political ploy.

The president's speech, entitled "Kittens are Adorable and Rainbows are a Magical Gift," was delivered to only 18 of the school's 437 students, as concerned parents pulled their children out of the assembly. This reaction was attributed primarily to a letter writing campaign aimed at exposing the "blatant socialist indoctrination in the illegal Kenyan president's vile invective, implied dislike of equally adorable puppies, and the morally bankrupt gay undertones inherent in his rainbow promotion."

That the language of the letter was indicative of articulation decidedly uncommon for the area seemed to escape conservative pundit and burrower of burrowing mammals, Glenn Beck, who called the campaign, "An unprecedented assertion of community organizing and first amendment rights in the face of a liberal-led degradation of the family unit."

In the wake of today's events, the White House has canceled a scheduled appearance at a suburban Dallas school, where the President had planned to deliver another speech on baby pandas and pajamas fresh out of the dryer.