Double down

If you weren't sure that we needed health care reform and that access to health care needed to be made more available and cheaper, then you didn't see the warped brainchild of KFC cresting over the horizon. In their attempt to wage war on America's arteries Patton-style, they have conceived of a future without bread. And thanks to Foodgeekery, we now have evidence of their opening salvo to kill us all, starting with, appropriately enough, the Heartland.

That's right, in an attempt to make Thisiswhyyou'refat explode, they have concocted a "sandwich" consisting of two chicken breasts cradling slices of two kinds of cheese, bacon, and the Colonel's "sauce". Don't you see what you've done KFC? You're only doing this with chicken, so you can't see the full horror. Now you've given Carl's Jr ("Fuck you, I'm eating!") the idea it needs to finally be able to kill a man in one sitting: Monster Thickburgers with burger patty buns! They've been trying to explode a man's heart for years, like some ancient Chinese martial arts master. Now they know how...because of KFC. Still though, that "sandwich" looks pretty damn good and supposedly tastes like it was made by Jesus' elite squad of fried food angels. Fuck it, I'll see you in the bypass line.

America's latest cry for help

Why yes, this is what the face of Jesus looks like.

What is this, you might ask. The greatest thing ever or merely the greatest culinary achievement in American history? It is a McChicken sandwich in between a double cheeseburger. And it can be yours for $2.16, provided you can stand eating it over the blaring sound of the Star Spangled Banner that a chorus of bald eagles will start singing the minute you order it.

They call it the McGangbang and if you want one you'll probably just have to order the two components separately, because repeatedly asking loudly for a McGangbang in a crowded McDonald's will probably get you arrested/scar children eating their Finding Nemo Happy Meals.

America has reached its creative and culinary pinnacle, there is nowhere to go but down. Which, by sheer coincidence, is what's already happening due to the horrific financial apocalypse. In fact I think the McGangbang is foretold in Revelations as a herald of doom. Pre-Seven Seals and Horsemen, but around the same time as Fast&Furious opening #1 and the world economy going in the shitter. The mark of the beast is quadruple bypass scars. Chow down.

Yes we can....sell you some shit

One of the more horrible realizations of the election of our new overlord Obama is the sheer amount of crap that is going to be attempted to get sold to us on some loose Obama/changey/hopey/us against the world pretense. Multi-national mega-corporations and you, changing the world through your continued payment of money for their goods and services. At least Starbucks is shoehorning in some community service pledge to go with their co-opt.

We have replaced the gung-ho, America fuck yeah, flag eating bullshit in commercials, but we have replaced it with this. Did we really win? I say no. And if John Mellencamp comes out with some hope based songs to sell me a Chevy, I'm climbing a clock tower with a Mannlicher-Carcano.