WASHINGTON—A mere day after being sworn and moved into office and the White House, the Obama administration learned that the executive branch had defaulted on the property's mortgage and was in the process of being repossessed. This will mark the first time since 1817 that the country's chief executive will not reside in the famous structure, and the only time an extended presidential absence did not involve British troops lighting everything on fire.
As a bank-appointed repossession company carted out priceless furniture and tapestries, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Shaun Donovan explained the striking turns of events. “We regret to inform the American people that the beloved symbol of American power is now in the possession of the Winchester Federal Savings Bank. As near as we can tell, the outgoing administration refinanced sometime last March and was barely able to keep up with the minimum monthly payments.
Donovan continued, "While we might have been able to find a way around this, the mortgage was apparently devalued even further when Winchester Federal realized that an African American family had taken up residence."
Chief amongst all other concerns was how, exactly, Bush was able to take out a mortgage on a piece of federal property owned by the National Park Service. ”Deed?” a confused Josh Bolten asked. “No we didn’t have one, we just invoked 'Possession is nine-tenths' and used one of those liar loans. It’s all totally legal and binding, thank you very much Phil Gramm. As to the repossession, well, the amount of money you get for a property like this puts the mortgage rate astronomically high, so the President defaulted pretty quickly. We were hoping that some sort of relief for homeowners would get passed, but we obviously had to take care of the banks first."
As to what the borrowed money was spent on, staffers point to next week’s planned “World’s Ultimate BBQ,” to be held at Bush’s ranch in Crawford. Invitations to this event note a “menagerie of exotic grilled meats, including panda chops, chicken fried giraffe, and koala steaks” to be grilled on a bed of heated diamonds, featured performances by Charlie Daniels and an unprecedented “Partner Switch-Off” between Big & Rich and Brooks & Dunn, a multi-million dollar structure designed by Frank Gehry to be destroyed at evening's end, plus three kinds of potato salad.
When told of the loss of the White House, a spokesman for the President noted that “…Obama signed, shook his head, and told David Axelrod to ‘add it to the list, somewhere in the fifties’.” For the time being, the executive branch will work out of several surplus FEMA trailers until they can find suitable office space outside of the Beltway where rent is cheaper.
