An American show for Americans (i.e.: not you)

Sarah Palin's new FOX News show debuted over the weekend, but I'm sure I didn't have to tell you that. What was billed as a show where Alaska's former half-term governor would explore the stories and people that make America great, turned out just to be a Palin intro'd clearing house for hoary old special interest stories that had been gathering dust in the FOX vaults for years. Hey, anything for Sarah to make a couple million and for FOX to properly ingratiate itself and gain access to the next President/God-Queen.

The show was meant however, to “reaffirm our pioneering spirit and unmatched generosity, here and around the world” or some such bullshit. Just not the pioneering spirit of the liberal dipshits populating the portions of the country we call "where most of the people live".

“It’s not the kind of thing that’s going to excite you guys on the East Coast, but everyone else is dying to hear stories like these,” said one of her representatives who was not authorized to speak on the record but was authorized to slam the East Coast.

Turns out maybe she shouldn't have dismissed an entire sector of the country, particularly one where hundreds of millions of people live. She could have used the viewers, as her show debuted to middling/disappointing ratings.

Shame about that. I just want to congratulate Sarah for her new show and for how a show purporting to show "real American values" seems to cake itself in the value Sarah and her ilk seem to cherish most: telling the coasts and the vast majority of the country that they aren't real people living in real areas of the country and don't hold real American values.

And isn't that the most important American value? I'm asking that hypothetically. If you're reading this site you're probably on a coast and thus wouldn't know what a real American value is if it winked at you and wanted you to vote for it in two years. You're going to have to ask someone from Boise if you're really interested in knowing. But you probably aren't going to, which is why you're un-American. See, Sarah was right.

Meme of the day

Ahh Tumblr, you have brought forth another useful creation. While it's no Fuck Yeah Sharks, new site Look At This Fucking Teabagger does provide a nice repository of all the funny (in a frightening way) teabagger photos, placards, and video interviews (such as the one above my Max Blumenthal) from their various protests. REAL AMURACANS! Gawk! Recoil in horror!

Stay classy, PA

The "Alabama in the middle" section of the state reared it's head today during Arlen Specter's nationally televised turn to get hooted at by tinfoil hat wearing birth certificate experts.

Towards the end, a man critical of health care reform asked Specter to “go back to Washington and represent us first as an American and tell Mr. Obama he’s an American and if not, there’s other countries.” When Specter replied by saying that “I think President Obama knows he’s an American,” many in the crowd booed and one person held up a sign saying “liar.”

See I think I know where Arlen's problem was: he tried to answer the question as if the man who asked it was a rational person with a legitimate concern. May I suggest the next time someone asks Specter to remind Obama he's an American or confiscate his license to prove he's an American, he should just take the microphone and attempt to beat the questioner within an inch of his life, then ask the audience if anyone else wants to waste his time.

Joe the plumber, our new Messiah

First off Joe, go die in a ditch. I never want to hear about you or any other "I met a little lady in Schenectady who wants my opponent to stop molesting her with bad policy" person again. Joe, in this case, is actually a real person. His name is Joe Wurzelbacher and he is apparently the ultimate American. Early on it appeared he was not even registered to vote, but he assures us he is. He was registered by ACORN. Like all of us Joe is a Republican who makes $250,000 a year, who believes Obama is a socialist who wants to secretly tax the middle class, and Joe Biden hates the shit out of him, like Biden hates the shit out of all Americans.

He sums up everything about us so succinctly that no one else need be mentioned or talked about. He shares all our concerns has all of our problems and should be allowed to make our Presidential decisions for us. Him or Bill Ayers. Apparently those are the two most important living Americans and must be the focus of our post-debate coverage. All hail the new American guru, let his wisdom embiggen us all.