Really? Already?

There's socialists in the corn!!!

Apparently our elected betters are just not going to whine about socialism and the march to fascism that we're inexorably on. No, one enterprising man has decided to skip that process entirely and move entirely to the Joe McCarthy phase of trying to out the supposed socialists and communists already burrowed deep inside our government. Because that whole process all went so well the first time McCarthy tried it.

Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) puts the number of socialists in the House at 17.

"Some of the men and women I work with in Congress are socialists," Bachus told local government leaders on Thursday, according to the Birmingham News.

Bachus gave the specific number of House socialists when pressed later by a reporter.

He has a list, a secret list, of 17 socialists in the House. While he won't show that list to you, he's totally got it and it's totally comprised of people who are destroying our government. Really though, only 17? Judging from the last few months of right wing punditry and Congressional whining, everyone in the Democratic party from Bernie Sanders to Ben Nelson was a card carrying socialist. Especially one B. Hussein Obama. Not only was everyone a socialist, everything they tried to pass was either pure distilled socialism or the thing that was going to put its thumb on the scale that tips us into a socialist revolution. Now it's just the concerted efforts of 17 House members? I'm disappointed.

At this point, after Michelle Bachmann and Spencer Bachus, if you're a Republican and have the prefix 'Bach' in your name, I'm going to assume you're batshit crazy and two steps away from love knifing me in a parking lot. Democrats and civilians with the same 'Bach' prefix will be treated with the same skepticism. It's the new scarlet letter.

The punditocracy prognosticate

On the Huffington Post, their net apes collected a relatively impressive banana pile of political insiders, conventional wisdom molesters, and election guesstimators who have divined the results of tomorrow's National Day of McCain Shaming. Mark Halperin, Matthew Dowd, Donna Brazile, George Will, George Stephanopoulos, Chris Matthews, Nate Silver, Chris Cilizza, Ariana Huffington, Elanor Clift, Markos Moulitas, Ed Rollins, Paul Begala, my mortal enemy James Carville, Charles Mahtesian, Morton Kondracke, David Plotz, Alex Castellanos, Dan Gerstein, Tom Doherty, Robert Y. Shapiro, Robert Erickson, and Alan Abramowitz all picking McCain to win. Just shitting you, they all picked Obama by a measure of around 318-378 electoral votes, with democrats picking up around 8 Senate seats and 25 House seats. Way to go out on a limb my dear gentlefops and courtesans.

One man was so drugged out of his mind he decided to weave his own narrative and poll numbers out of his hallucinations, freebasing pure freedom to show him the route for a McCain victory. Fred Barnes of the Weekly Standard rejects your reality and substitutes his own, foreseeing a McCain 286-252 victory and lesser gains for Democrats in Congress. Is he just an insane old man with an inability to deal with the impending Obama States of America, or is the rest of the conventional, boot licking media, the same ones who couldn't see 10 minutes ahead, get it wrong again?

538 votes insane old man. Essentially for McCain to win every poll from multiple and varied polling organizations in multiple states would have to be drastically wrong on an unprecedented scale never before seen in mathematics or humankind. To think McCain has got it in the bag right now is to imagine hordes of cartoons, dwarves, Jedi, and winged unicorns tipping the tide for him tomorrow, negating the elf, Muppet, and sentient sandwich vote. ACORN didn't register enough of them. There's always good old fashioned election theft via electronic voting machines. There is that. So take some measure of relief, it should be a waltz. You haven't calmed down have you? Still breathing into a paper bag over the Pennsylvania I? Fine, IT'S ALL GOING TITS UP! MCCAIN WILL WIN! FOREVER DARKNESS! GOBLIN HORDES! FOUR MORE YEARS!