Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.10

Obama wants to kill your grandma
Salon kindly takes on the five biggest myths going on in the health care "debate" going on right now. And by myths they mean "right wing lies". Among them: Obama murdering your grandmother while he loots your wallet to pay for abortions and the upcoming ban of all private insurance. Now that these have been debunked in one big grouping, in addition to all the other places they've been debunked in smaller chunks, I'm sure they'll never be mentioned again by a disgraced former Speaker of the House or a barely literate former Alaskan Governor.

Welcome to GovernorRod.com Live!
After some asshole judge scuttled his change to speak to the people through the vessel that is I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, Rod Blagojevitch had no means to speak to the masses....until now. That's right, he desperately wants you to believe his ouster was controversial and that he's a man of the people fighting for the issues of the people. Provided that the people left and unmarked, non-sequential stack of hundreds behind the refrigerator in the warehouse out back.

Gladney The Uninsured Activist
The Washington Monthly kindly points us to a story of a man named Kenneth Gladney, a right wing health care activist who decided it would be a bright idea to start a fight with members of the SEIU. Now even though video of the "fight" shows you that it's generous to even claim it reached the level of "scuffle", Gladney is now being carted around in a wheelchair as a shining example of the blah blah blah something something boo health care. Of interest is that at his appearance he was soliciting donations...for his own health care. It seems ole Kenny has just been laid off and lost his health insurance. Ah yes, sweet irony, how I missed your gentile kiss. I wonder how much all the medical procedures involved in fixing someone who shot themselves in the foot cost?

Averting the Worst
The Krugbot is willing to say it: we have averted the Second Great Depression. And what saved us in the end? Big Government, with its plan to bend this country over and shove money up its financial institutions until all was well again. The onslaught of a dystopian future and the hobo barter economy that we had all been preparing for is no more. "Utter catastrophe no longer seems likely." *sigh* There's always next time. Don't throw away those tin cans of beans and deluxe bindles yet, there's probably some new financial crisis cresting over the horizon.

Drug Industry to Run Ads Favoring White House Plan
So what did the White House get us all when they told the pharmaceutical companies that they wouldn't have to make any more concessions than $80 billion over 10 years and in return have no government negotiation of drug prices? $150 million in ads supporting health care. Gee....uh...thanks. So much better than cheaper prescription drugs. I can only hope these ads that drug companies are forced to run are as effective as those "Truth" ads that cigarette companies are forced to run.

Perhaps I was too hasty

Maybe I jumped the gun. My declaration that American culture was killed by Spencer and Heidi praying with Mrs. Blagojevich for the exoneration of Pay-Rod was too definitive.

Surely the fact that US Weekly has had Jon and Kate (+8!!) on their cover six weeks in a row (along with every other magazine) and their BS family drama spilling over into nightly news coverage surely played some role in that gruesome death.

Who knew that having twins followed by sextuplets and documenting every step of your attempt to raise them on TV was bad for a marriage?

Just so you know

The exact moment where American culture died a violent and painful death was last night when Spencer and Heidi from the Hills prayed with Patti Blagojevich for the exoneration of Pay-Rod, while on a TV show called "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." Rod himself had been scheduled to be on the show, but a judge prevented him from leaving the state.

Sadly Stephen Baldwin was not involved, even though he is a reformed preacher and on the show.

Speaking of people who need to go away

It's nice to know that while the book publishing industry continues to hemorrhage revenue and shitcan employees by the barrel, there remain brave institutions committed to providing underexposed intellectuals a voice.

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich today signed a six figure book deal with one of the largest independent book publishers in the U.S., the PR firm representing Blagojevich announced today.

The publisher in question is Phoenix Books, known for turning a cheap buck on tackling such vital stories as those of Siegfried & Roy, Chris Benoit, and former New York escort Natalie McLennan.

Two animal abusers, a drug addict, and a whore. At least Blagojevich is in proper company.

I'll miss him. I will.

All that foul-mouthed, crooked, prostitute-of-a-governor stuff aside, Rod Blagojevich can't be all bad. You have to admire -- in much the way that Matthew admires the organizational efficiencies of Pol Pot -- the man's ceaseless effort to remind us of the obvious contempt he holds for not just public office, but basic human decency.



"Ha Ha! You see, DL? I'm not such a bad guy after all. I might be on my way to jail but at least I can waste your time by stepping over the one line you gave me for this promo. Fist bump? No? Fuck you then!"

Oh yeah....

...THIS HAPPENED.



59-0 Rod. Scoreboard. Maybe you should have gone on the View one more time, made sure Diane Sawyer got all the interview time she needed on Good Morning America.

All is not lost for Rod, he's still got that book deal and first prison interview to negotiate. Also, before he got impeached he was able to scam one last free plane ride out of the state, pardoned a real estate crook, and used his press conference to creepily invite a kid back to his house to play basketball. Pat Quinn is your new Governor of the Slightly Less Corrupt State of Illinois. Keep your wiretaps clean, Pat. Pre-paid mobiles.

Insane man to infect airwaves today

Are you ready? Today is the day when the State of Illinois Senate begins the impeachment trial of one Roderick "$1000 for my middle name or best offer" Blagojevich. So of course he's preparing to defend himself and fight it, right? No, he's skipping it and instead going on every TV show to protest his innocence. And by protesting his innocence I mean not answering any of the direct charges, claiming it's all politically motivated, and comparing himself to Jesus. Because when you're about to be thrown out of office by an overwhelming margin and then get convicted in a federal court, the thing you want to do most is go on the View and argue constitutional law with Whoopie and Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Last week he was out comparing the indictment to Pearl Harbor. That was apparently enough for his head lawyer to petition for a 'writ of fucknuttery' and promptly dive off the sinking ship. Last night on ABC he swore that if he had done anything wrong he totally would have resigned, honest. Today he already got off a corker about his thought process during the indictment.

"I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now."

Word to the wise Rod, all three did jail time. He then attempted to say that this persecution was all "one big misunderstanding." Yes, one big multi-year misunderstanding with reams of taped conversations and evidence that everyone has misunderstood. He then let it come out in an interview with Diane Sawyer that he considered appointing Oprah to Obama's vacated senate seat. Apparently even Pay-Rod has his limits, as he deemed it "too gimmicky".

All I'm saying is that this is just the morning interviews and shit he yelled to assembled press. We've got a Mandela reference, Pearl Harbor, Senator Oprah, and a state wide plague of ignorance persecuting St. Rod. He hasn't even gone on the View, Ellen, Between Two Ferns, or Larry King yet. This could be the greatest thing ever. And he isn't even staring down jail time yet. The trial is going to be great.

Camelot gets tired of waiting

Well New York, you attempt to replace one famous last name with another hit a critical snag. It seems Caroline Kennedy is no longer able to hold her breath and stamp her feet until that nasty old blind man gives her Uncle Bobby's seat. Oh, fiddlesticks.

Caroline Kennedy says she is dropping out of a bid to win appointment to the U.S. Senate seat once held by her slain uncle, Bobby Kennedy.

In a statement released early Thursday, she says she told Gov. David Paterson that she is abandoning her attempt to succeed Hillary Rodham Clinton for personal reasons.

Those personal reasons? According to the New York Post the most personal reason is that Patterson was simply no longer considering her for the seat. So she did what anyone would do in that situation: claim they didn't want it anyway and leak to the press that you're withdrawing. But where does this leave New York, tragically unencumbered with legacy/celebrity names vying to be the Senator-Select? Who knows, probably someone who got elected and worked in the legislature for years. It's almost enough to make you want to vomit.

But not to put to fine a point on it Patty-poo but shouldn't you, I don't know, have someone in mind by now? It's been months. The crooked fucker picked a guy in the middle of a sideshow. Delaware picked a guy. You can't figure it out? We're already into the new session of congress. Chuck Schumer isn't suddenly getting two votes now. I know it'll probably make some people mad, but this is what the people of NY elected Eliot Spitzer to do. But he likes hookers, so it's your problem.

Picture of the day

Blagojevich impeached, taken off medication

So Rowdy Roddy Blagojevich is going to be impeached. The Illinois house voted to send him up to the senate for trial by a vote of 114-1-1. There he will almost certainly be thrown out of office. But that's not why we're here. We knew this was coming. Why we're here is because of the press conference Rod gave.

In it he wheeled out an actual man in a wheelchair, senior citizens, an infant, and a poor black teenager who had liver surgery and attempted to hide behind them. Evidently he couldn't find a wounded veteran waving a flag, a puppy, an astronaut, or a weeping nun. According to Rod, he is not being impeached because of all the hours of recorded conversations that have him demanding bribes and kickbacks, but because he was fighting for the poor and huddled masses assembled on the stage. A vindictive payback for caring about kids and freedom and liberty and apple pie with hamburgers and justice in it. He then closed by reciting Tennyson's Ulysses before challenging the press to a guitar duel on the Stranglehold level of Guitar Hero.

I don't even know what to say at this point. This man is setting and re-setting the bar. He is the Usain Bolt of cheap political theater and we're all just lagging behind. I'm going to miss you when you're in prison, Rod. Try and start up a bizarre prison gang or become a Muslim or something, just so you can pop back into the news every once in a while. We salute you.

Broken In Brief: Burris stakes claim for lamp, end table

WASHINGTON--After his attempt to seize the senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama was rebuffed by Congress, former Illinois attorney general Roland Burris publicly claimed ownership of two floor lamps and a brass doorknob that were left behind in Mr. Obama's office and moved to claim an ornate end table gifted by the Prime Minister of Fiji and placed just outside the office entrance of the junior senator from Illinois.

Burris, who was appointed to the senate seat by Illinois Governor Rod "I'm so corrupt, I shit Daleys" Blagojevich, was told upon arriving at the Capitol that his credentials were not in order and that he would not be seated with the 111th Congress.

"Frankly, we are dismayed." said Burris attorney Timothy W. Wright III. "We intend to avail ourselves of the justice system and pursue this seat with everything at our disposal. In the interim, Mr. Burris plans to lay hands on Ted Kennedy's decanter, a couple of duvet covers, and a jar of that stuff they use to keep Nancy Pelosi's skin tight. I think it's beet juice. Anyone who tries to deny him these items is denying the will of the voters."

Efforts to get Mr. Burris on the record were rebuffed as the Senator-Select was busy trying to figure out the proper seat configuration in his Ford Windstar so that he could fit both the end table and his entire entourage inside. The final configuration was rumored to be both back seats down and Mr. Burris' press secretary sitting on the lap of Mr. Wright.

Burris and Blagojevich made for each other

The newly ordained Senator from Illinois, Roland Burris, has decided that being the loathed appointee of a shamelessly crooked governor's aborted seat selling bid wasn't enough, he needed to rub people's noses in shit too. He took to the pulpit to decree that you can have the Senate seat back when all the racists that oppose him pry it from his cold dead hands.

Burris and his backers described his future in religious terms, saying his move to the U.S. Senate is preordained.

"Friends, we're going to have to have some powerful prayer. . . . They can't deny what the Lord has ordained,'' said Burris at New Covenant Baptist Church, 740 E. 77th, surrounded by ministers, politicians and activists.

That's right, the Lord has ordained Burris' selection. The Lord and not some helmet haired douche whose pathetic attempt to stay relevant, profess his innocence, and attempt to slum for black votes in a prospective jury pool ordained this choice. Burris then went on to profess his deep humility and the fact that in the entire state of Illinois there was no one who existed that was a better choice then him. Then his supporters decided to get all classy again over Harry Reid's supposed claim that he will not seat anyone Blaggy picks.

"How can Harry Reid determine who can get elected to what in Illinois?" Davis said at another rally for Burris. "The African-American community's not going to roll over and play dead. That day is long gone."

Elected? That's one way of putting it. The more accurate way is selected. The most accurate way is to say selected by a crook whose extreme corruption tainted any choice he could have possibly made. Plus, while I don't know much about the black community, I'm not sure they're all about standing up for a white criminal's right to make shady appointments to vacated seats.

But there we are, Pay Rod made his choice and his choice has gone about conducting himself with all the class one would expect from a Blagovevich selectee and with all the tact and subtlety of someone who screams fire in a crowded theatre. Thumbs up Illinois, you made it all possible.

The check to Blago cleared

The unending sideshow that is is Rod Blagojevich took a new turn yesterday as he decided to disregard every person on earth telling him not to name a Senator because the visible stench lines wafting off of Pay-Rod would thus transfer to whatever poor bastard got the position. Rod, in his infinite wisdom, said "Fuck it" and named former Illinois Attorney General Roland "Plexico" Burris to the seat. Immediately and predictably everyone decried the pick, Blagojevich's blinkered pig ignorance, and all the Democrats in the Senate signed a letter saying they wouldn't seat him. Even the P-e Obama rained on the parade. The funny thing? He'll almost certainly be seated.

They both then enacted an insane press conference, where Burris dodged questions about the fact that he had spent the previous weeks decrying Blaggy and proclaiming that in no way should he name a Senator. Then Burris and friend Congressman Bobby Rush signaled they were moving past playing the race card and playing a race deck, talking about how everyone was trying to 'hang' and 'lynch' Burris because of Blago's indictment. Blags riffed about how he's enjoyed the limelight and then made a bullshit speech about how he had to fill the spot FOR THE GOOD OF THE ILLINOIS PEOPLE!

As for Burris himself, well he's becoming more interesting. He built a granite monument to himself, not only with a list of personal accomplishments, but space for more to be etched in. Like "Nominated to Senate seat by insanely corrupt hairpiece". Also he's raised copious amounts of cash for the beloved governor. Personal checks, donations from his lobbying company, personal appearances at fundraisers, and surreptitious handshakes where hundred dollar bills are passed from hand to hand.

You didn't think this could degenerate further, you were wrong. Wait til the trial, wait til the trial.

Broken News: Blagojevich to challenge Kennedy for Clinton's Senate Seat

CHICAGO--Responding to the news that Caroline Kennedy has chosen to pursue the senate seat being vacated by Hillary Clinton, Illinois Governor Rob Blagojevich today declared his intention to run against her. This surprise announcement came just after the Illinois House voted 113-0 in favor of beginning impeachment proceedings against Gov. Blagojevich by investigating his alleged abuse of office revealed one week ago.

Speaking from behind a large oak desk in Chicago, Blagojevich explained, "Just because I [expletive deleted]-ing [expletive deleted]ed-up the last [expletive deleted]-ing time doesn't [expletive deleted]-ing mean I don't deserve another [expletive deleted]-ing shot. After all, this is mother[expletive deleted]-ing America. How much does that blind [expletive deleted] want for this seat? I know some Indians flush with cash that are eager to buy a favor from a governor. He's gotta know I'm [expletive deleted]-ing tapped out since the Feds came down on me. Who do I gotta [expletive deleted] to get that money spigot turned back the [expletive deleted] on?"

Jostled from their peaceful slumber, journalists asked how the governor, suddenly bereft of virtually all political capital, planned to mount a legitimate campaign in a state he doesn't even live in. Blagojevich spokeswoman, Marissa Florentine, replied "The Governor is confident that he still has plenty to leverage against whatever ill will might emerge from what we urge you to remember is still an ongoing investigation. For instance, he still has a fetching wife and two young, healthy children who should demand a good price, even in these difficult economic times. Are you really suggesting there aren't a few New York State legislators who wouldn't mind having a go at the governor's spouse?"

In a taped call released by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to reporters later in the day, Blagojevich insisted that he expected good things from the decision. "It's [expletive deleted]-ing perfect! I've obviously run my course in that hayseed [expletive deleted]-house of a [expletive deleted]-ing Governor's mansion. But I think it's safe to [expletive deleted]-ing say I've made my name as a morally repugnant criminal [expletive deleted]-ing horse trader worthy of the United States mother-[expletive deleted]-ing Senate!"

Spokespeople for Caroline Kennedy issued a statement almost immediately.

"We have no comment on Governor Blagojevich's decision and wish him all the best in what we are sure will be a quick conviction and aborted candidacy," said Kennedy's spokesperson Richard Finnegan. "At this point, we would prefer that everyone focuses on Ms. Kennedy's declaration of eligibility, her last name, Camelot, her last name, back and to the left, and her last name."

When asked politely to clarify what else, exactly, the Kennedy camps would prefer the press focus on, Finnegan scoffed and said, "How about her candidacy? You know, the fact that she has decided to grace the Senate with her presence? What, that isn't good enough for you? Well, we in camp Kennedy believe that another pampered scion of America's most famous monarchy will help bring about the change this country so clearly needs. That's the thing you people all go ape-[expletive deleted] over, right? Change?"

Finnegan continued, "Who should Patterson pick, an experienced legislator with years spent running for office and fighting for traditionally Democratic causes? If he can find one that fell out of a more famous vagina, we say go for it." Finnegan then concluded by chanting "Ken-ed-dy!" in a sing-song tone that slowly and deliberately lowered in volume.

Asked to comment on the spectacle that has ensued since Sen. Hillary Clinton was tapped to assume the post of Secretary of State under President-Elect Obama, New York Governor David Patterson had little to say. Just after sighing and muttering something about "dumb mother-[expletive deleted]s", the governor, otherwise occupied with attempting to shore up a projected $1.5 Billion state budget deficit, promptly turned his attention back to matters that directly affect the 99.99999% of the population not chasing their next big payoff or merit badge.

Told of Patterson's comment, or lack thereof, Blagojevich said, "I got that guy in my [expletive deleted]-ing pocket. You know them sweet sunglasses? I'm talking Rain Man style? Got a whole case of 'em for the guy. Just for being prettier than a [expletive deleted]-ing [expletive deleted] on [expletive deleted]-ing prom night after she's had her [expletive deleted] fifth [expletive deleted]-ing martini. Do they make stacks of cash in braille? No?" The Governor then added, "[expletive deleted]!"

The mind of Rod Blagojevich

One of the great things about the Blagojevich story is not just the epic level of corruption, but learning about the pathetic deluded shell Pay-Rod lives each and every day in. To call the man a piece of work is to not get the full picture. The New York Times today tries to provide a little context to our crazy corrupt uncle from Illinois. Among the highlights:

• He can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football.”
• John Fritchey, a Democrat who shared a campaign office with Mr. Blagojevich, was told that his stepfather had suffered a serious stroke. He walked over to Mr. Blagojevich, who was making fund-raising calls, and shared the news. “He proceeded to tell me that he was sorry, and then, in the next breath, he asked me if I could talk to my family about contributing money to his campaign.”
• Even with approval ratings that had sunk to 13 percent as details of the federal investigation into his administration had seeped out over the past three years, Mr. Blagojevich, incredulous prosecutors say, still spoke in his recorded conversations in the past six weeks of the possibility of remaking his political future and running for president, perhaps in 2016.
• At points in early 2004, Mr. Blagojevich appeared with Senator John Kerry, the Democratic presidential candidate...Mr. Blagojevich seemed confident, said two former employees, who refused to be named out of concern that their comments could jeopardize their current work, that he would soon be selected as Mr. Kerry’s running mate. (An aide to Mr. Kerry’s campaign says he was never under consideration.) At the time, there seemed only one problem: Mr. Blagojevich was uncertain he wanted to be a No. 2.
• In December 2003, the employee recalled, Mr. Blagojevich flew into a rage because he thought he was late for a holiday tree-lighting ceremony in Springfield, and his two young daughters — who were visiting with Santa Claus in the parlor of the Governor’s Mansion — did not have their shoes on yet. “You’re trying to sabotage my career!” the employee recalled Mr. Blagojevich screaming at staff members.

Assuming he was the VP pick for Kerry because they appeared twice together, was Rod perhaps gazing into our "One 15 minute meeting beforehand" Palin future and saying "Me first"? It's a shame though that this massive corruption trial and assured conviction might somehow affect the 2016 run he wants to make. Reading this article it's not surprising to see that Blagojevich was caught, no his dimwitted cash grabs seem to have been a hallmark of his career since he started in politics, the surprise is that he wasn't caught in a shady motel accepting a large burlap sack with a dollar sign on it. He is the Babe Ruth of Illinois corruption. Bow at the feet of the master.

Saturday News Hole -- 12.13.08

This post is mine! MINE!
Inexplicably, disgraced Illinois Governor Rod "Mr. Blagoo" Blagojevich (whose name I can finally spell without checking) refuses to step down despite being 76-page-fucked by a federal investigation finding he runs his office about as honorably as a Burmese junta. Instead of renouncing his office, Blagoo is hanging out with ministers and signing bills into law. His office even issued a standard signing statement after Blagoo put pen to paper, which I have to admit is a hilariously ballsy thing to do.

Roll it around, Pennsylvania
Many of our readers are PA natives and no shortage of you still live there. Thus, as Digby notes, you might have to consider voting Republican in 2010 if Arlen Specter's opponent ends up being Chris "Tweety" Matthews. Now, I'm not endorsing Specter and there are several issues -- US Attorney appointments, capital punishment, gun control -- where I think he's just plain wrong. But you've got time to get comfortable with the idea of voting for a semi-crook in order to keep out an idiot. I'm not saying, I'm just saying...

Get 'em while they're vulnerable
American Evangelical churces are harnessing the spirit of economic ruin to do the good Christian thing: fill the collection plate. Congregations across the country have begun tailoring sermons to address the theological meaning of the downturn. Also interesting: Jehova's Witnesses, after deciding a decade ago to only ring doorbells at night, have begun knocking on doors during the daylight hours because, survey says, unemployed people don't commute.

Yeah, but those Bubba blowjob jokes never get old
Ned Resnikoff at NYULocal posted an amusing dissection of Ann Coulter's speech at NYU earlier this week. Deriding Coulter as a harpy and a hack isn't the world's most difficult task, of course, but Resnikoff makes the argument that, by inviting her to speak, NYU College Republicans (all four of them), provided a "metaphor for what you see happening to the Republican Party on the national level: the moderate voices of reason are getting ignored or marginalized, while the true believers burrow further into the warm, velvety soft cocoon of their own assholes."

I dub thee "Hippie"
That batshit crazy prince of progressivism, David Sirota, is at it again. This time, the loony leftist actually has the nerve, The Nerve, to suggest that 2005 credit industry-written legislation might be partially responsible for the economic downturn. Next thing you know, he'll be claiming that the government's trillion-dollar intervention should have been subject to actual oversight or some crazy shit like that.

Broken In Brief: Press to ask Obama non-Blagojevich-related question

WASHINGTON--In a surprise move, The White House Press Corps held a vote this morning and decided to ask President-Elect Barack Obama no fewer that two questions not explicitly related to disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.

This tactic stands in stark contrast to that employed throughout the week, which consisted exclusively of repeated, unflinching inquiries into Obama's supposed relationship with Big Blag, all of which were met, day after fucking day, with a factually verified and surprisingly measured statement of disappointment and reassurance on the part of the President-Elect. What caused this change?

According to CNN correspondent Ed Henry, it happened with a phonecall. "So my wife called me up and told me that there was this huge economic crisis going on and that maybe I ought to get up off my lazy ass and ask something about that instead of fantasizing about The Untouchables. I confirmed this with another reporter and brought it to the attention of my colleagues."

Speaking from just outside the briefing room with traces of a scrumptious raspberry scone still clinging to his beard, Washington Post Senior White House correspondent Jeffrey Bead explained, "Listen, I can't argue with this morning's spread. Whole wheat waffles and yogurt for the interns and an omelette bar for the rest of us? Touchdown. Oh, you were asking about the journalism thing. What happened with that press conference anyway? I was ensconced in an orgy of egg, ham, onion, and green peppers."

Sources close to the conversation claim the lone dissenting vote came from FOXNews, which insisted that attempting to tie a petty shitstain around the neck of an otherwise skillful transition instead of focusing on, say, retained Defense Secretary Robert Gates' plan to send several thousand additional troops into Afghanistan, "made so much more sense in these times, where The People demand honest, straightforward leadership."

A nice, hot cup of awkward

Think we could get a case of this into Governor Blagojevich's cell?



Also, I wish I had viable stats on how frequently journalists and bloggers have had to spellcheck "Blagojevich" over the last few days. Seriously, ponder the lost hours of productivity. In tough economic times like these, we simply cannot afford to squander resources for the sake of accuracy when it comes to goofy last names.

My proposal? Pay-Rod. Short, simple, direct, and nobody has to look up the proper spelling.

While this floats, can someone get Nate Silver on those stats I requested?

Greatest Blagojev-hits

Politico went to the trouble of listing all of demented money whore Rod Blagojevich's cash based ramblings and expletives from his indictment. A few TB favorites, swear words edited in:

2. “Fucking golden”: The next day, Blagojevich said again that he would appoint himself to the Senate if he didn’t get what he wanted from the Obama team. “I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden,” Blagojevich says. “I’m not giving it up for fucking nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”

4. “Selfish grab”: The governor’s chief of staff, John Harris, advised him to avoid making “it look like some kind of selfish grab for a quid pro quo,” but Blagojevich was blunt about his motives: “I want to make money.”

7. Shaking down Buffett and Gates: A day later, on November 11, Blagojevich and one of his advisers discussed the possibility of Obama’s wealthy supporters cobbling together a 501(c)(4) organization for Blagojevich to run. The FBI reports the Illinois governor “raised the idea of the 501(c)(4) organization and asked whether ‘they’ (believed be the President-elect and his associates) can get Warren Buffett and others to put $10, $12, or $15 million into the organization.”

9. White House hopes: Being governor of Illinois, possibly appointing himself to the Senate or taking on a posh private-sector gig wasn’t enough for Blagojevich, who expressed “a desire to remake his image in consideration of a possible run for president in 2016.”

13. Island fortress: One of the main things the governor hoped to land from his shakedown was a lair from which he could expand his crime empire. "You tell that fucking punk Obama if he wants this seat Bill Gates better buy me a goddamn mountain or an island fortress in the South Pacific. He doesn't know who he's fucking with!"

According to the affidavit Blagojevich then stripped to the nude and demanded that his chief of staff John Harris put on the rubber gloves and "Come rub me down with the money in that sack over there, you beautiful bastard." Adding "I hope no one is recording this."

NYT: Obama to blame for Blagojevich

With the big news that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevitch decided to get his stupid on and start brazenly auctioning off a Senate seat, the NYT decided to get it's own brand of stupid on. Apparently because Obama fought to pass an ethics reform bill in Illinois...that somehow Rod's subsequent money orgy was BHO's fault. Obama put Blag's arm up behind his back and made him sell the seat....with laws.

In a sequence of events that neatly captures the contradictions of Barack Obama’s rise through Illinois politics, a phone call he made three months ago to urge passage of a state ethics bill indirectly contributed to the downfall of a fellow Democrat he twice supported, Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich.
...
But after the call from Mr. Obama, the Senate overrode the veto, prompting the governor to press state contractors for campaign contributions before the law’s restrictions could take effect on Jan. 1, prosecutors say.
...
Beyond the irony of its outcome, Mr. Obama’s unusual decision to inject himself into a statewide issue during the height of his presidential campaign was a reminder that despite his historic ascendancy to the White House, he has never quite escaped the murky and insular world of Illinois politics.

Guh? Obama calls to urge the support of an ethics bill Blagojevich hates because it cuts into his racket. The Illinois Senate passes it over a veto and Blagojevich goes crazy trying to hoover up money before the law goes into effect, sealing his indictment and eventual prison rape. Obama supporting this bill was bad...how? It's contradictory...how? The fact that it helped nail a crook and there's no evidence that Obama was entangled in anything throws him deep into the murky world of Chicago graft...how?

I know talking about Chicago politics and indictments turns every hack journalist into a warmed over Dashiell Hammett, with fast talking dames and scarfaced baddies, but Obama did a good thing and it had a good result. Is it that hard to write that? Can we not rehash the Maltese Falcon?