I want you to know something...

These Bastards isn't here to make friends.



This leads me to a great idea I had for a reality show: Making Friends. A show in which these socially maladjusted, orange tanned, raging narcissist egomaniacs, and breast implanted fame obsessives are all put into a house where the objective is to get people to like you and become your friends based entirely on the content of your character and personality.

I think it would probably result in the first reality show murder/suicide/murder-suicide/murder-murder-suicide-murder. Which would be awesome.

You can add Double Dare type obstacle course games with slime and slides and spinning objects if the concept isn't enough. Award points for making an emotional connection without booze, flexing, toplessness, or boozed up flexing. Bonus points for making it through the Slime Zone without getting creamed corn on your Von Dutch hat. Make it happen, FOX.

Buddies

There are some friendships where you look at the two people involved and say "I don't know how they became or are still friends." Then there are the ones where you say "Yeah, those two assholes deserve each other. I get it." This is a tale about the latter. This is a tale about Robert Mugabe, Kim Jong-Il, and a crateload of baby animals that are probably dead already.

Two by two, they were caught and lined up as an extravagant gift from one despotic regime to another.

According to conservationists, the Zimbabwean president, Robert Mugabe, will send a modern-day ark – containing pairs of giraffes, zebras, baby elephants and other wild animals taken from a national park – to a zoo in North Korea.

That's right, in order to continue their decades long friendship, Mugabe looted his national parks to send baby animals -including rare and endangered rhinos- to the North Korean dictator/shriveled husk of beef jerky, unaware that this action would cause said animals to die. Or he may be completely aware that the animals would die. Mugabe is after all, and immensely crooked and evil prick.

This is not the first time Mugabe has done this.

Zoo conditions in North Korea, which is isolated by most world nations, did not meet international standards, he said. Two rhinos, a male called Zimbo and a female called Zimba, given to Kim by Mugabe in the 80s, died only a few months after their relocation.

What did Mugabe get from Kim for this first gift? A trained brigade of Zimbabwean soldiers equipped them with tanks and armored personnel carriers... who went on to quash an uprising and slaughter 20,000 civilians. I wonder if Kim will be able to spare a kill squad in return this time? Mugabe does have a free press to deal with now.

Who knows, maybe Kim Jong-Il just wants to eat the elephants and rhinos. That is what he did when he was sent 12 giant rabbits for breeding and farming purposes. He. Ate. Giant. Rabbits. Maybe Kimbo just wants a really exotic BBQ for the World Cup. It is North Korea's first appearance since 1966.

So let us take time out of our day to take note of the special animal killing, crazy ark sending, death squad training, insane friendship of Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong-Il. The worst pen pals ever.

Israel: On winning friends and influencing people

Israel Shells UN Headquarters In Gaza

Israel shelled the United Nations headquarters in the Gaza Strip on Thursday, engulfing the compound and the main warehouse in fire and destroying thousands of pounds of food and humanitarian supplies intended for Palestinian refugees.

The U.N. chief, in Israel for the day, demanded a "full explanation."

A senior Israeli military officer said Israeli troops shelled after coming under fire from Palestinian militants inside the compound _ an account dismissed by a U.N. official there at the time as "nonsense."

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, who is in the region to end the devastating offensive against Gaza's Hamas rulers, said the Israeli defense minister told him there had been a "grave mistake."

Rice shame-faced by Bush over UN Gaza vote: Olmert

"In the night between Thursday and Friday, when the secretary of state wanted to lead the vote on a ceasefire at the Security Council, we did not want her to vote in favour," Olmert said.

"I said 'get me President Bush on the phone'. They said he was in the middle of giving a speech in Philadelphia. I said I didn't care. 'I need to talk to him now'. He got off the podium and spoke to me.

"I told him the United States could not vote in favour. It cannot vote in favour of such a resolution. He immediately called the secretary of state and told her not to vote in favour."