Hit the road

With Leno back on the air at 11:30 and everyone under 40 back to avoiding NBC at 11:30, one wonders what our beloved Coco is up to. Sure, he's Twittering up the intertubes with bon-mots about being jobless, alone, and near suicide, but what of his future? It turns out he's hitting the road.

The former host of "The Tonight Show" announced a 30-city theater tour on Thursday. Sidekick Andy Richter and the former "Tonight Show" band will join O'Brien for what he promises to be "a night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence."

The "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour" begins April 12 in Eugene, Ore., and concludes June 14 in Atlanta. It will visit theaters in at least 20 states and two Canadian provinces. Additional dates may be added.

O'Brien quipped: "It was either a massive 30-city tour or start helping out around the house."

Included in the dates are a stop at Bonnaroo and stops at nowhere close to fucking Pittsburgh MOTHER FUCK! Details up on Team Coco.com, which now seems to be the legal home of Conan O'Brien. In exchange for tickets you will have to give them money in the amount of $40 to $80 funbucks or a requisite amount of livestock. Good luck to him and may he take his show to someplace that isn't a minimum five hour drive for me.

Ratchet it back a few notches, PETA

Olympic time. The time for the heights of athletic competition to be scaled and for sporting excellence broadcast nationwide. Oh, and bizarre animal rights protests. Because.... are skis made out of whale bone or something?

Ahh PETA. You have such a good message: treat animals better. But you always ruin it with your cheap, exploitative stunts, the mind shattering insanity of some of the comparisons and arguments you make, and the general insanity of your campaigns and fervent followers.

Thankfully this go around, they have neglected to strip women down naked to parade around in public or make any comparisons to concentration camps or the holocaust. SO we must congratulate them for possibly learning. Still though, they aren't exactly winning friends with salad. First up is their new Olympic pin:

Because... did they replace the silver medal with 40 pounds of free seal meat? Oh, seal clubbing. Yeah, kind of terrible. Still, not sure that's under the purview on the Vancouver Olympic Committee. But again, well done. No Hitler references and the objectification of women was kept down to a bare minimum. I'd say this rates as a passable campaign. You're learni... what's that?

American figure skater Johnny Weir will stay in the Olympic Village because he's concerned about "very serious threats" from anti-fur activists.
...
At last month's U.S. Nationals, Weir earned the scorn of anti-fur protesters when he wore a white tuft of fox fur on his shoulder. He was defiant in the face of the criticism at first but later relented.

Oh no you don't PETA. No one goes after America's figure skating pride. The only man willing to look at Elton John and decide that his manner of dress is too restrained. The man wore a swan leotard for Christ's sake. A SWAN! He can do whatever he wants. I swear to God PETA, if you deny this country Johnny Weir dressing like a fox or a neon peacock, or Lady Gaga, or a mirror ball when he goes out to nail quadruple lutzes, all the while making Scott Hamilton swoon, there will be hell to pay. You hear me? Hell to pay.

A swan. He's the only guy in male figure skating who gets male figure skating. I will not have that sullied by a vindictive PETA anti-fur campaign. Stick to weirdly violent pins.