Someone muzzle Grampa

With Iran refusing to nullify the election, moving to swear in Ahmadinejad, and taking that extra classy Chinese Government step of charging bullet fees for the protesters government security forces shot, I have but one small happy thought: thank Baby Jesus that John McCain isn't President.

Sen. John McCain continued to rap President Barack Obama for his measured reaction to the crisis in Iran, which McCain said was inadequate in its support for the protestors of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's contested re-election.
...
The line pushed by McCain has become the de-facto Republican criticism of Obama since the crisis in Iran began. The president has expressed his concern with the rising violence in the country as well as the obvious inaccuracies in the presidential vote. But he has avoided outright support for the seating of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Moussavi.

The measured manner of Obama's response, while criticized by some, has been described as essential by many foreign policy observers.

I love that his plan come down to the President waving bigger pom-poms and perhaps forming a human pyramid before trying to get onlookers to spell our I-R-A-N letter by letter. Good plan Johnny, because people in Iran, let alone the rest of the world, are confused to America's thoughts on the matter. What we need to be doing is intertwining American power an influence with the leadership of the revolution. Because after all, what Iranian doesn't like the thought of the foreign power that overthrew it's democratically elected government in 1953 and propped up a dictatorship for decades, then supplied Saddam Hussein with chemical weapons so he could gas Iranians in an all out war, co-opting the leadership of a democratically based revolution? I totally bet that it wouldn't be used as a weapon to discredit the movement and as an excuse to get even harsher with protesters.

I can't believe the man that glibly sang about bombing these same people that are now marching in the streets doesn't know enough about Iran to gauge stupid foreign policy from smart foreign policy. Here's a tip Mac, if Joe Scarborough is labeling your criticism as "so shortsighted I find it stunning", and George Will, a man who nakedly distorts facts, thinks the intellectual rigor of your arguments equates to "foolish criticism", it's time to hang 'em up. It's one thing to say "maybe you shouldn't shoot so many protesters", it's another to wrap yourself in green and swear fealty to Mousavi. Learn the difference.

Fasten your seat belts

Never one to bypass taking a swipe at other people's imaginary friends gods, I'm compelled to present the Rapture Index, a comprehensive list of all activities that are propelling us toward The End Times.

To their credit, the parties responsible for the index admit it "is by no means meant to predict the rapture, however, the index is designed to measure the type of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture."

Once you get beyond the base absurdity this thing is kind of fun. But only if you're willing to ponder the rubric a little. For instance, "False Christs" currently rates a 3 (of 5) on the following merits:

A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to be Christ.

You can see how seriously these people take their scripture when all it takes is some crazed dipshit in Florida -- the species is endemic to the region -- claiming he's the King of Kings to wratchet up the doomsday clock another notch. Not to trouble anyone, but a google news search for "man claims to be jesus" yielded 336 results (and a picture of Madonna beneath one of Jim Caviezel). Might want to bump this category up to a 5.

At any rate, the most recent update has good news and bad. The bad? The index currently stands at 161, placing cleanly in "Fasten your seat belts," the highest level and that most likely to result in most of you being left behind once the righteous ascend.

The good news? It's a fucking rapture index and, like those who believe in this horseshit, should only be consulted when looking to make mean-spirited and very necessary jokes.