Quote of the day

Some of us may be wondering how South Africa got the World Cup. I know, I know, "First World Cup in Africa" was probably all anyone from FIFA had to hear. But one still wonders how a country with Johannesburg in it, which combines all the destitute charms of Detroit and Baltimore and adds in a dash of war-torn Sarajevo and the roving cannibal gangs of the Road, and is still allowed to host games there?

Well now we know: God did it. Or should I say: God related deal-making.

Anti-apartheid icon Desmond Tutu promised FIFA top brass a first class pass to heaven if they granted then-World Cup hopeful South Africa the host bid, a top organising official said on Monday.
...
"Then we had our first meeting with the FIFA executive and Archbishop Tutu said: If you vote for us, I will make sure that you get a first class ticket to heaven," Jordaan quoted him as saying.

Now, you might ask yourself "Isn't that a bribe?" No.

"I said: Arch but you said we must not bribe. Isn't that a bribe?.

"He said: No, no, it's not a bribe. A bribe is only when you give things to people who are alive. In order to get their first-class ticket, they must first die. That's not a bribe."

That clears it up.

Still, I find fault with the Archbishop's promise and the whole theological underpinning of his offer. I mean how can God even exist if He allows the world's biggest sporting event to take place without replay and review technology to correctly call off-sides plays and determine if goals go over the line?

Hmm? Where's you God now, Archbishop Tutu? He can't exist! He would want the score to be kept properly! LAMPARD'S GOAL WAS IN!

Sorry, Sepp Blatter and the rest of FIFA's Governing Council of Kicky-Footy Games are just going to die and go into the endless black void of nothingness like the rest of us. The lack of goal line technology proves the non-existence of God. It's science.