Barry, Barry, Barry...

What are you doing, man? A taped message directed at 70 million Iranians urging a "new day" of peace and respectful discourse? How dare you take a direct, conciliatory tone with those, and I use the term loosely, people.

Are you blind to how effective three decades of isolation and dick-waving have been in our ongoing effort to make Iran's government more transparent and engaged in the international community?

You even had the thing subtitled in Farsi and released on Nowru, the Persian equivalent of New Year's, MLB opening day, and the vernal equinox all rolled into one!

Clearly, you need to study up on your history, Barry. Backing a military coup, providing military support to enemies foreign and domestic, shooting down their civilian aircraft, rattling the saber every time one of their leaders so much as opens his mouth -- that's how you deal with Iran. Zero tolerance. How do we know this? Because, clearly, it's worked so well in the past.

Appeaser.

McCain campaign shamed by wizards and orcs

John McCain casts a +3 spell of confounding on Barack Obama

The McCain campaign insulted and offended Dungeons and Dragons players a few days back during a rambling and incoherent attack on people who pointed out a somewhat shady anecdote that McCain never seemed to mention before. Unlike the other 99% of people Grampa Simpson insults while he shakes his fist at nearby clouds, they got an apology instead of a convoluted explanation suggesting that what McCain actually said and meant wasn't actually what he said or meant.

If my comments caused any harm or hurt to the hard working Americans who play Dungeons & Dragons, I apologize. This campaign is committed to increasing the strength, constitution, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma scores of every American.
--Michael Goldfarb

So yeah, crisis averted. Because if those D&D SOB's rolled a 20 on response or vindictiveness, McCain could have been in real trouble. I look forward to next week when McCain slams the "pro-Obama, wookie loving Star Wars crowd" when someone points out that maybe McCain never captained the Enterprise or shot King Kong off the Empire State Building.

But he did call Fay Wray a trollop. That he most surely did.

APPEASEMENT! J'ACCUSE!!!!

In a stark change of form, President Gorilla Biscuits is moving to increase diplomatic contact with Iran. No doubt emboldening terrorists who wish to destroy our way of life and eat our freedom with hummus on the side. This is a change of his policy of snubbing and bombing threats, and a complete reversal of his childish insistence that any talking is appeasement. Who's Neville Chamberlain now George? You don't even know anymore.

Next month Bush will announce that the State Department will establish a US interests section in Tehran right next to the jihadist literature, self help, and cooking sections of Iran. Setting up a US interests section is basically a halfway house to setting up a full embassy. It also means US diplomats will be stationed in the country.

Less clear is why Bush is also sending Undersecretary of State William Burns to join a scheduled meeting in Geneva between European Union foreign policy chief Javier Solana and top Iranian nuclear negotiator Saeed Jalili. Burns "will not negotiate with the Iranians nor hold separate meetings, the official said, speaking on the condition of anonymity because the decision had not yet been announced. Instead, Burns will advance the White House's position that serious negotiations can begin only after Iran suspends uranium enrichment." They must have their childish cake and eat it too. Negotiations to tell them negotiations can't happen until they do stuff that would be agreed to if there was some attempt at negotiations. It also seems like a shady attempt to undermine EU advances without actually trying to do anything of substance.

Maybe this is a first step for when the alleged adults get back in charge. Obama welcomed the decision to send Burns to Geneva and called for continued engagement with Iran. "Now that the United States is involved, it should stay involved with the full strength of our diplomacy," he said in a statement. Admiral Ape Rape didn't release a comment, though the AP is reporting that it heard screamed swear words muffled by a pillow earlier this afternoon.